Doulas???

[newmummy5678]

Hi all I’m a first time Mum and thinking about having a doula for my birth as well as my Husband. I’m only 17 weeks so still quite early to be planning for the birth but I wanted to hear your opinions from people who have had doulas present at birth. My main questions are:

1. What is the process of hiring a doula? There’s a website I’ve been looking at where you can contact doulas near you but what happens after that?
2. What is the average cost of a doula?
3. How far along in pregnancy should you start contacting doulas?
4. I heard doulas push you into having natural or I medicated birth? I’m not dead set on having a unmediated birth I’d rather just go with the flow. The main reason I want a doula is me and my husband are both first time parents and nervous about the birth so I think it would be a good idea to have an extra support person there who actually knows what’s happening 😂 and can advocate for me and keep me calm in whatever situations occur. I don’t what to be pushed into anything I’m uncomfortable with.

Apologies for the long post, thanks in advance.

[DuggeeHugPlease]

I'm intrigued to know this too. I see a few local doulas advertising and wonder how it works. In particular I wonder how they block out the time to ensure they can be at your birth given that due dates can be so inaccurate. But if you hire a doula you want to guarantee they will be with you and not at someone else's birth. For this reason I think they must be very expensive but I have no experience. Would be interested to know what they do cost.

[newmummy5678]

@DuggeeHugPlease That’s also a really good point hadn’t thought about that 🤔

[User3568975431146]

I honestly wouldn't waste your money. I'm sure your midwife and your partner will be more than enough support.

[BiscoffSundae]

I’ve always wondered what the point of them is, don’t mean it in a rude way but can’t see the point of them

[Mattieandmummy]

I haven't had one so can't say from personal experience but from stories recounted from friends it seems to both positive and negative. One was amazing and the other did nothing, ate all my friends snacks and was a total waste of money.

So if you're going to go down this route, do your research really well, interview a few and ask for references would be my advice.

[calliopea]

I was contemplating getting a doula and ended up not going for it because I felt extremely prepared after doing two different hypnobirthing courses and a lot of my own research. But, I regret it because there were a few points in my birth where I was too out of it to ask questions and my husband didn't quite have the knowledge he needed to advocate for me.

Would have been really helpful to have an experienced birth worker there.

As in all professions, there are going to be some great, good, average, and bad midwives. There's going to be some progressive ones and some more traditional ones. You just don't know who you'll get on the day and if they'll align with you. But you do know your doula.

The problem with 'going with the flow' is that if you're not clued up and you don't know what you want, the flow you end up going with is not your own!

[calliopea]

As others have said, Doulas are also totally unregulated so you need to do lots of interviews before hiring!

[BumbleNova]

I had a very positive experience with a doula. Doulas do have training and professional standards.

We got a local recommendation and for me, she was just brilliant. As a FTM, without my own mum, it was what I needed. I had brilliant midwifery care but my doula brought something else - experience, an advocate for me and real support. I saw her pretty frequently when pregnant, she and I would catch up. How I was feeling, any worries, relaxation techniques and helping me prepare my birth plan. I did do hynopbirthing too, I really recommend it.

I had a really difficult first birth. I'm absolutely certain she is the reason I didn't end up with a crash section. I was in labour 4 days in the end but I didn't need forceps etc. She was with us from my first contractions, she made the decision when to call the midwife etc. No counting contractions, just getting on with it. I tried for a home birth but things slowed at 6 cms so I went in to hospital. She kept me fuelled with energy drinks, she kept me shifting positions, she advocated for my birth plan choices ( I was coming under pressure to have an episiotomy and forceps) and let me push for another 5 mins and out he came. Her support was what I needed.

For my second - I think I was so we'll prepared and I knew she was looking after me, my labour was so much faster. I think I was able to let go completely. I had my second son in 1hr30 at home. Not a single stitch. I was tucked up in my own bed clutching my beautiful DS with a glass of bubbles. Such lovely memories.

[BobbleWobble1]

I seriously considered a doula second time mainly because childcare for DS1 was a real issue so there was a real possibility DH would be unable to be my birth partner. I didn't have the greatest experience first time though I've never carried any lasting trauma.

In terms of cost, it would have been well over £1000 in my area. I would research asap as if I understand correctly they basically go "on call" for you 2 weeks before and after your due date.

As others have said, really do your research as some have great experiences with a doula but others really don't.

In the end, we decided against it. Childcare did fall through as we both had covid so I did give birth alone. No regrets at all as the birth was so quick that a doula would have done well just to make it in time so would have been the biggest waste of money in my case.

[catsiraindrop]

HI there

I"m a london based doula and can help answer you questions:

-A good doula should support 'your choices' and not push their approach. They will want to help you educate yourself on the processes so either way you are making fully informed consent knowing all the pros and cons.

-In terms of when to contact them - the earlier the better as you usually have 3-4 ante natal appointments for you to get to know each other and ensure that your doula is fully on board with all that you desire to create with your birth

-Finding doulas - there is a main body called Doula Uk which you can search by location. i'm also on 'find my doula' and where i trained at 'conscious birthing'
findmydoula.co.uk/doulas/cat-raincock/

-Once you make initial contact with a doula who you like the profile/energy of, you will be offered a call or in person meeting (which ever suits you best) and i would have a list of questions. There is a doula for every mum so don't just settle for anyone, make sure you have a full body 'yes' when you choose her.

I hope this helps and if you have any questions do ask xx

[catsiraindrop]

One last thing, cost:

It really depends what your wanting from your doula, just birth or post partum too (after birth care). So i would consider this and have an idea of what you would like to pay. You can expect just birth to be at least £500 because anything less for a major life milestone would, in my opinion' not be a fair energy exchange when supporting a birth with integrity (which can be 2 days long - my last birth shift was 50 hours as her sole birth partner)

i hope that helps :)

[Toastoftheton]

Hello! In my area Doula's range from £300 to £2000 depending on the package you want. You can have virtual support so someone on the phone to call and ask questions to including during labour, you can have a session to discuss your hopes and then support during the birth or you can have 1-to-1 hynobirthing courses, support throughout labour and delivery and they will come to your home afterwards to help you settle in, it depends on what you want.

For me the process of finding a doula was great, there was a website run by several local doulas. You emailed with what you were looking for and they put you in touch with the person they thought best suited but you could request anyone and they did not take it personally.

As it happened, I was accepted for a pilot continuity of care program where I had a named midwife who I met with regularly in the hospital and my home and who was the one who delivered the baby. Basically a doula and midwife rolled into one as she really got to know me and what I wanted. It made all the difference in the world. My birth had some of the hallmarks of what would have been a difficult birth i.e. back to back, got stuck, I lost a lot of blood and nearly needed a transfusion but I can honestly state I loved my birth and view it with such fondness. I'm actually looking forward to doing it again and I 100% credit that to my amazing midwife.

Things the midwife did that a doula could do for you if you can't get on a continuity of care program with a midwife you love:

• Provided lots of information before and during so I understood exactly what was happening and didn't panic
• Got to know my partner and actively involved him in preparation and how to support during labour so we felt like a team
• Protected the birthing space. She made sure it was warm, dark and limited interuptions so I could totally be in the zone
• Advocated for me. Another younger midwife came in and wanted me to come to the side of the pool to check on the baby but the midwife said not yet, let me find a natural break and then stuck the dopler under the water to keep me in my zone
• Breathing coaching during labour as it is so important not to lose control over your breath
• Was fully responsive to changes. I thought I wanted fairy lights and had made a playlist with all my favourite music. In fact when I was in the midst of it I needed total silence and almost complete darkness, she made it happen
• As she knew me she could tease me when I needed to lighten up, remind me of things and gave me personalised care

She wasn't on duty when I first came into the hospital and had to be called so I had 30mins without her and I noticed when I was in the space with people I didn't know, I was so much tighter. Sounds silly but I didn't take off my maternity bra when I got into the pool as I wasn't comfortable. When she took over and managed the space I felt totally safe and was able to get naked, let go and do the thing.

I saw how valuable this connection was and if I couldn't get her again I would pay for a doula.