Scared of birth - sometimes tear during sex. Anyone with experience in same thing?

[BeccaJBl]

We have found out that we’re expecting, and are incredibly excited. We are still very early but I’m already starting to panic about actually giving birth. My mum had two easy births, and my OH’s mum had 3 easy births, but 4 out of 5 people we know recently who have given birth have had incredibly traumatic births - two nearly died. It has got me thinking about my own journey. I am very “tight” during sex, and even with lots of lubrication and excitement, I have torn a little on occasion. I’m now terrified that I’m not going to be able to give birth or will suffer third or fourth degree tear 😢 has anyone had a similar issue (probably not an issue, it’s been a nice “problem” to have up until this point) and given birth successfully and without a massive tear?

I've torn during sex too. It's fucking terrifying isn't it!

Tbh I think most ppl tear during childbirth though right? Pretty standard for women to have to be stitched up down there afterwords. Bit I don't think it's because of the same reason why you can tear during sex. So I wouldn't worry that it would be more likely for you or anything.

I mean...I want to be supportive and not add to your fear...but I also think ppl should stop lying to eachother about the toll pregnancy has on the body. I too have had 2 friends nearly bleed out on the table. And I wouldn't recommend anyone has babies personally.

But if you really want kids and, you've plenty time to psych yourself up for it. If your mum was fine, you probably will be too. Sorry I can't ve more comforting.

I think you should also consider mode of delivery and whether the risks of an ELCS (which are tiny) would be preferable to you.

I have tokophobia and have had two sections. Even without the tokophobia I think the risks of an ELCS are far more preferable to me than a VB.

Hello I'm also very sensitive and 'tight' down there so I feel I can chime in with some confidence!

There's lots of things you can do to prepare your vagina and perineum for birth and reduce your chances of tearing! A quick Google search will throw up a lot of stuff, and thenakeddoula on Instagram also has a lot of advice (among others!).

Having a home birth can reduce chances of serious tears by 40% (only if you're happy and relaxed with that option) and midwife lead birth centre has good stats too.

I had a home birth and refused vaginal exams as I knew they would irritate my vagina before the main event.

However, as baby was coming down, one of the midwives for some inexplicable reason started telling me to push - I genuinely did not think they did that in this day and age and thought if she was telling me to push there must be a reason why! So I really gave it some welly and baby shot out like a rocket....and I ended up with a third degree tear that I honestly don't think would have happened had I just 'breathed baby out' like I wanted to.

Anyway, third degree tear - obviously really not ideal, quite sore, and I would have preferred not to spend first precious hours with baby getting stitched up in hospital after a lovely home birth - but after the first few days it really is ok, and recovery can be quite quick if you give it a chance. To be quite honest, it's not worth worrying about - you get over it!

Fear is your enemy in labour, so read up, get prepared, and remember 'floppy face, floppy fanny!'