Should I get a doula this time?

[RedRobyn2021]

I hope this is the right place for this thread, I am not pregnant but considering having my next child.

My first birth went very well, I had my daughter at home during lockdown. Because of everything that happened with covid my anxiety levels were high so I used my savings to pay for a private midwife and she was amazing.

I was overdue by 12 days and the hospital (I went there for a scan and to check my placenta on day 9) put a lot of pressure on me to induce saying I could end up with a dead baby (to reiterate, this was purely because I was late, no other indication that anything was wrong) and were hounding me with calls and (not very nice) voicemails. I found the last few days of my pregnancy very stressful, between the hospital and what felt like constant messages and calls from family and friends (and one person I don't even really know!!) asking where the baby was. I spent a lot of those days crying. I do wonder if this attributed to her being so late, I felt very frightened.

After my daughter was born and the excitement had died down, I found myself deeply angry with the way I was treated and I felt like this for at least the first year, it's only recently I have stopped feeling so angry.

I want to go private again next time but is it worth getting a doula as well? What's everyone experiences with a doula?

We don't have loads of money, but I would pay for a doula if they could help me feel better. The aftercare with my private midwife went on for about 3 weeks, I got a great deal of support so I'm not sure if a doula is necessary. I just want the best experience possible and not to worry so much this time.

Thanks for reading

I haven't asked him actually, it's just something I've been thinking about. He probably could do that, he's a calm person and was very supportive, so perhaps a doula isn't necessary

Thanks for this. To be honest, I would rather not spend any money at all, but I am a stress head. Partner is really calm, supportive, so perhaps a doula wouldn't be necessary

Why don't you speak to some local doulas and see what you think? I haven't used one but I imagine a lot depends on finding an individual you gel with.

Of course you have the right to refuse induction and wait and be treated with respect by HCPs. There are also risks with induction and different women view different risks differently.
If I had a straightforward pregnancy with no complications I would most likely choose to wait and I'd expect that choice to be respected - and the statistical risk is slight. It's a women's decision and her body.

What was it like with the doula?

We met a few times before the birth and spoke about my birth plan I think, and my worries and fears. Then once I was at the hospital and starting to find the contractions harder to deal with, DH called her and she joined us. She brought so much calm to the room. DH was flapping about not knowing what to do (it was our first baby) and the doula just spoke to me in her calm, quiet voice. She sort of talked me through each contraction, told me how well I was doing. I was really reassured by having a professional in the room with me who had seen lots of births before. The midwife only stuck her head through the door every now and then.

She also suggested positions that I might find comfortable, encouraged me to eat and drink a bit and it was her idea that DH and I should walk up and down the corridor and I could hang off him every time I had a contraction. That felt good and we paced up and down for hours. No doubt getting in the nurses’ way!

Later she showed DH how to massage my back to help with the pain. She made lots of suggestions but everything was optional; it was all ultimately led by me and what I felt was right.

She also communicated with the midwives on my behalf and told me what was happening when I went into the transition phase.

When I was pushing she counted me through each push together with DH, and encouraged me to look down and see the baby’s head. Which I probably wouldn’t have done otherwise and it was an amazing if slightly disconcerting experience!

She kept telling me what was happening and helped baby latch on - breastfeeding was hard at first. Then she left, but checked on me in the days after (by phone I think and one planned visit). It was great to be able to ask her anything.

I had sore and bleeding nipples for a while and so the doula came to my house again and helped me and DD to learn how to latch on properly. So the support didn’t end with the birth, she was still there in the background for a few months afterwards.

It was like she filled the gap between us as new parents and the midwives, doctors and health visitors if that makes sense?

@Schulte that does make sense, sounds quite lovely to be honest

I found my Doula through the Doula Uk website. As others have said, it’s crucial to get someone you gel with. I interviewed a fair few until I found one I clicked with. If I hadn’t found one that I really felt a connection with, I would have gone without.

Yes, it is an unregulated profession. Which is why it’s really important to do your homework, ask about their training, how many births they have been at and if positive speak to their previous clients.

I really wouldn't bother with a doula for a second home birth. They can be wonderful for first births but this birth is likely to be straightforward, and you already have the private midwife, so it will be a waste of money. I hired a doula for my second birth (also at home) and it went so quickly that she didn't make it! I hired her because I felt the same as you and wanted to cover all bases, but I didn't get my money's worth. FYI I am also a midwife and I rarely see second time mums with doulas.

I can see contemplating a doula if you didn’t have a private midwife, but I don’t understand what they would add on top of (rather than instead of)?

That’s perhaps true for the majority of second births, and I thought the same and didn’t hire her again. Unfortunately we found out halfway through labour that baby was breech and I ended up waiting hours in full labour for my emergency c section. With no support. I was very upset and having the doula there again would definitely have made a difference.

But I realise I was unlucky.

I completely disagree @teezletangler - having just had a doula for a second birth (planned home birth) which was more complicated and prolonged than anyone really expected. I also had a private midwife who needed reminding of my wishes.