Afraid to have a second child after 3rd degree tear

[Lulu1027]

My son is seven months old and he's so wonderful I can't help but want another child. The problem is my son's birth was the most traumatic experience of my life and I'm afraid to get pregnant again. I was induced at 39 weeks for low fluid and ended up with an emergency ventouse delivery resulting in a 3a tear as well as lacerations to my labia that I found even more traumatic than the perenial injury. I've had a long and difficult recovery but am back to normal save for some mild stress incontinence (when sneezing etc.). I have no discomfort or bowel issues, and thankfully, sex feels fine! Early on I felt symptoms of a prolapse (heaviness), but at my six-week check-up my doctor said I didn't have one. I was still concerned, so I got a second opinion and, upon inquiry, the doctor admitted that I had a "very slight" bladder prolapse, although he was reluctant to call it such. After my first period the symptoms resolved and I've since seen another obgyn, a pelvic floor physical therapist, and a urogynaecologist who have all said I have no prolapse. The urogynaecologist told me that I was repaired and healed so well that if I hadn't told him he wouldn't have guessed that I had sustained such a significant injury. He said that the level of bladder weakness I'd suffered was normal and that there was no reason for me not to try another vaginal birth. This was heartening, but I've already resolved that any future birth will be a section--I am too traumatized and do not want to take the risk of further injuries. My doctor has fully agreed to this, but, nonetheless, I'm still afraid. Had I not been injured I would have planned to start ttc around my son's first birthday, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel safe getting pregnant again. Mostly I'm afraid that carrying a second pregnancy could cause a prolapse or that I'd go into labor before my surgery date and not get my section after all. I'm not afraid of the section itself-frankly, I think it would be much better than what I already suffered. People keep telling me to give it time but I'm 37, so I feel that time is not on my side! Has anyone had a similar experience or can offer advice?

I had a similar experience, conceived second when first was nine months. Was a bit faster than we’d planned - wanted to give it at least a years recovery really. Had a planned C section and I didn’t find it worsened any issues. Recovery from the csection was a breeze in comparison! Everyone is different. I do think staying on top of general strength and fitness in lead up to second pregnancy and pregnancy itself was helpful. I’m talking gentle non high impact stuff. Good luck x

Oh and I was 35 when I had my second

Just have a planned c section. I had one after 2 vb’s (inductions). Best thing I ever did and know I am left angry and disappointed at this nonsense we are being sold about natural births above all. I have been left with a cysticele, rectocele, nerve damage to my leg, stress incontinence and scar tissue - apparently first degree tears don’t need stitching 🙄. Not to mention my son’s shoulder dystocia, brachial plexus neuropraxia and months of private physio as the nhs gp said he will grow out of a hand bending backwards…
Elective section was the best thing ever and the fastest recovery out of all my births.

My experience similar to @twinsister. had 3rd degree tear. 2nd child born 22months after this by planned C-sec at 39weeks. Pregnancy and section didn’t make things worse. It was a scary thought to do it all again after a difficult first birth. But I just tried not to think about it too much and then after I was pregnant there wasn’t much I could do lol!

I had a similar first birth to you and decided I couldn’t go through with another vaginal birth and opted for an elective c section. I did wait until my son was 2 to conceive though so I had a longer break than it sounds like you’d want. The c section recovery wasn’t a walk in the park either, but I have no regrets on my decision and just knowing I wasn’t going to have the same experience as I did for my first birth put me a huge ease during the second pregnancy.

I'd agree with pp suggestion of a planned c section. Scar tissue from a tear is much more likely to tear again because it doesn't have much elasticity. Plan for a c section and go ahead with it .

I had a third-degree tear and multiple stitches with DD, ended up staying in hospital for five days. But DS popped out fine, literally two stitches and I went home the next day. My previous scar tissue didn’t open up.

I’m not well-informed enough to explain why I barely tore the second time around. DS was a week early so slightly smaller than DD. They’re three years apart so perhaps I had enough time to heal well?

Thanks all for sharing your experiences. I will absolutely have a section! My doctor is happy to do a section so there is no trouble there. I'm glad to hear that it sounds like carrying the pregnancy didn't worsen anyone's condition. @ChiefPearlClutcher I couldn't agree more. Even though I'm mostly ok, I will always be angry that I was made to suffer as I did. Were your prolapses worsen while carrying the subsequent pregnancies? In past mumsnet threads on the subject doctors often tell women to try for future vaginal births claiming that it's the pregnancy rather than the birth that causes the damage. Can this really be true? I've also noticed that women who get repair surgery are always given sections, which, I think, speaks for itself.

Another section here, after a 3rd degree tear 🙋🏻‍♀️

My recovery wasn't without its complication but I have no lasting damage and zero regrets. I felt like a weight was lifted once my section was signed off and I could start to look forward to the birth.