Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

MIL planning to visit straight after birth

46 replies

HK171 · 24/04/2022 22:57

Hi all,

Our first baby is due in the summer. My lovely mother-in-law lives abroad and has already booked 2 week off work, starting the day after my due date.

It's starting to stress me out a bit. 2 things mainly - her coming when the baby's not arrived yet if I go past due date and us all sort of hanging around waiting for signs. And then being all overwhelmed with this life changing event and having someone else in the mix to consider, when we're just starting to get our heads around things. And she only speaks German! My German is adequate but I can't imagine being the best communicator at that time!

Don't get me wrong, I don't think she'd be anything but helpful and well meaning. My DH doesn't really get my misgivings as he thinks it'll all be fine. Can anyone give me a supportive/ alternative point of view?

OP posts:

Feelingoktoday · 27/04/2022 21:44

My MIl was great. In the morning I would feed baby and then go back to sleep and mil would bath baby and generally look after him. She helped with the cooking and making me endless cups of tea. She froze meals for us. It was a lovely time.

AnastasiaRomanov · 27/04/2022 21:49

My MIL came to stay when my first was born. She stayed for a week and helped so much. Cooked all the meals. Cleaned. It enabled me to bond with my baby and rest. You might find her enormously helpful.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/04/2022 21:50

I can’t imagine assuming that my son and his wife would want me staying in their house the day they had a baby…for two weeks -I just wouldn’t!

If they’d asked me, I’d obviously be there in a heartbeat, but I can’t imagine deciding that on my own-I actually think that’s pretty rude and self-centred.

Tee20x · 27/04/2022 21:52

Depends on your relationship, I personally would hate it and would just want to spend time on my own adjusting as a unit, getting used to baby.

WallaceinAnderland · 27/04/2022 21:56

Why can't you say no to this OP?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 27/04/2022 21:56

Have you asked her and your dh what happens if the baby is later? Dd1 was 10 days late, so if you’re the same, your Mil would only have a few days with the baby. Much better that she comes a bit later

PinkSyCo · 27/04/2022 21:56

How lovely to have a helpful woman that you get on with around when you are about to/have just given birth. Try to see this as a positive thing and you never know it could well be one.

Cherryblossoms85 · 27/04/2022 21:58

That's nice. It'll be fine. Three babies later I think people get too fussy about it being a special time. Just keep her busy cooking you some nice Königsberger Klopse. Long as your DH understands he'll be doing all the managing and cos with his mother. Or have some fun on Duolingo.

stimpyyouidiot · 27/04/2022 21:58

My first was 2 entire weeks late so if this happened in my case she would have missed the entire thing.

Smartiepants79 · 27/04/2022 22:08

The only real issue in my opinion is her timing rather than her coming.
I would worry that she’s not going to get the lovely time with her new grandchild that she’s probably envisioned.
It really would be better to wait a week or so ,til after the babies more likely to have arrived.

TolkiensFallow · 27/04/2022 22:10

Nooooooooooooo

Original poster

HK171 · 27/04/2022 22:38

Spoken with DH and he's agreed that we book flights once baby is here. That just makes me feel so much less stressed about the situation and gives me back a feeling of flexibility and control.
Thanks for all the positive thoughts as well - and as I've said to him, if it all goes fine and to plan and I feel happy with visitors we can book her to come the next day! It's more the thing of booking weeks or months in advance when we don't know at all how it's all going to go.

OP posts:

SleepingFrog · 27/04/2022 22:52

My first was 11 days late then I spent a week in hospital with the baby. Not saying this to cause you concern but the reality is your MIL may have completely wasted their time arriving so close to due date. My second was also late, not 11 days thankfully, but MIL came to visit a few weeks after born so I had paternity with DH and I to get adjusted then a few weeks with DH back to work, again to get settled in routine, then MIL came to stay for a week. I recommend getting paternity time alone with DH and not having someone stay in your home and the only way to guarantee that would have MIL schedule in her visit a few weeks later than current plans. Perhaps explain to DH that if baby is late and you end up in hospital, the current visit plans would be pointless. Also ask him how he'd feel if he'd pushed a baby out (or had cut out!), was hormonal, up all night with a newborn and very painful boobs then your parents came to stay for a few weeks 🤣 he may change his tune when you put it to him in that way! If not, put your foot down as you clearly aren't comfortable about it otherwise you wouldn't have asked Mumsnet.

SleepingFrog · 27/04/2022 22:53

Well done OP! First step in advocating for yourself...nailed it! Best of luck with baby's arrival

mummabubs · 27/04/2022 23:01

Possibly not what you'll want to hear (sorry!) but two weeks after my due date my firstborn was still in situ, he did not want to come out!! Induction at 42+2 and I gave birth at 42+3. Can she not have some flexibility with when she takes leave, or book it for a few weeks afterwards? You might want time to settle as a new family by yourself anyway after the birth (I say that as someone whose in-laws descended en masse after I'd given birth and I found it really overwhelming). Your DH needs to support you and protect you when you might be feeling vulnerable post-birth, I wish mine had.

mummabubs · 27/04/2022 23:04

Sorry I've just seen your update, that sounds much better!

Cappuccino17 · 28/04/2022 02:03

It depends on your relationship with her. That being said if your baby arrives and you have MIL to help out I think you'd be very thankful she's there. The whole labour process though personally I wouldn't want mu MIL there for that part. But the Postnatal care yes please. Maybe she can cook you meals hold baby after feeds so you and hubby get rest etc etc.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 28/04/2022 02:58

Definitely this!!!

I went 11 days over with my first and it would have been worse if someone was hanging around waiting on me 'performing'

Can't think of anything worse tbh!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 28/04/2022 03:00

Ah I saw your update OP, Thst sounds like a good compromise all round!

Foxglovers · 28/04/2022 07:17

MrsDanversBroom · 24/04/2022 23:09

Be kind and welcoming to her, it’s her grandchild and she wants to help. Mumsnet is often really weird about lovely grandparents wanting to be involved.

why should she have to be welcoming to someone who has invited themselves to her home when she’s just given birth??! I didn’t want anyone around after I had my first baby (including staying in hotels nearby) as I just wanted time to adjust and get used to things with my partner and new child?! She will have just given birth FFS!
I would just say that while you get that she’s excited etc you need some time at home with the baby before you know you are ready for visitors.
I know I spent the first week basically topless trying to get used to breastfeeding. No way would I have wanted anyone else there.
Yes it’s great to have nice grandparents wanting to be involved but I think the lady who has just birth can come first?!

TiredEyes1991 · 30/04/2022 11:10

No no no

take some advice from somebody who’s experience was ruined by their in laws - say NO! Your job is NOT to please her what so ever. It’s not your fault she pre booked. When I have my next I won’t have any visitors for at least a week. Trust me OP, don’t be afraid of upsetting people, you’ll never get the time back and you should just do whatever makes you most comfortable

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread