When the baby is the 'wrong' gender.

[PrettyCandles]

A friend has just had a longed-for baby. She was quite open about the fact that she dreamed of having a particular gender (all her others are the other gender). Of course, she has not got the gender she wished for. Do I say anything? And if I do, then how?

A good friend of mine had 3 DS's and was expecing her 4th child when I was expecting my DS. She desperately wanted a girl and was gutted when they couldnt see the gender at the 20 week scan and had to wait. She of course went on to have another boy and has actually said since that the instant he was born it didnt matter and she fell in love with him same as the others. She is not having any more and still hankers after a bit of pink and frilly in her life but is more than happy with her 4 boys. I think if anyone had said anything to her at the time then she would have been annoyed or upset iygwim.
Hope that helps somehow!

I think I'd just say, "Congratulations" and leave her to raise the subject or not.

agree with lilred, wait for her to say anything. she might well have been so delighted by the safe arrival of her baby that she no longer has the gender as an issue

i agree-nothing to say except congratulations.

Say nothing re the gender - I have three boys and peoples comments made me furious!

Do not say anything negative or expressing disappointment. This is a new human being after all. Just say "congratulations, well done, another perfect little boy/girl", and then let any confiding come from her. She may well be going through her own private greiving process and be dreading the reactions of others (no matter how open she herself was before!). Not everyone will be as tactful or sensitive as you.

I see that the general consensus is not to say anything.

The only reason I ask is that she was so open about her wishes beforehand. Just as I wouldn't presume that she is upset, I also wouldn't want to presume that she is happy and reconciled to it. It's a bit like having had a nasty labour: sometimes people have the attitude 'Well, it was alright in the end - you have a lovely baby so you shouldn't be upset', but the woman herself may not feel that way.

Wayhey - the great Lulumama agreed with something I said! [proud emoticon]

That wasn't meant sarcastically BTW Lulu

I thought I was going to have a second boy, and was quite ashamed of my disappointment when I had a girl instead. Oh I loved her and was delighted to have her, but at the same time resented having my 'family of boys' snatched away from me. Not logical, I know.

we are best mates now!

Conratulations!!!!!!