I gave birth last week for the second time and unfortunately had a second degree tear. Last time I had a lovely episiotomy that was stitched to perfection and healed within days.
This time...well I don't know how this can be called only a second degree tear. In any case I feel like the whole thing was butchered and every time I look at it in the mirror I cry. It looks like they've misaligned the edge of the vagina. It looks like the edges of the tear are healing separately rather than fusing together. And when I spread gently, there are HOLES IN THE STITCHING.
What did the midwives say when I asked them to check it? "Yeah I see what you mean, they could have tightened the stitches a bit more. But there's nothing that can be done about it now. We can't add more stitches or do it again. Oh it's fine, the edges will fuse together. It's normal."
Which is obviously not a reassuring thing to hear. They told me not to sit directly on it but to lie down (they didn't even think to tell me not to sit cross-legged - that I had to find out on my own by googling it, after a few days of sitting cross-legged without knowing I could be stretching the stitches apart). That's all well and good but sometimes one has to sit down or spread their legs, e.g. when changing a nappy, when turning over in bed, when getting into bed. I have no idea how actual HOLES can magically fuse together like that. Well, 6 days later, they still haven't closed, and I'm expected to wait until my 6 week checkup to find out what the outcome is. No thank you. I think I'm going to book an appointment for 2 weeks after the birth but I don't want to be a paranoid nutcase.
Has anyone else had experience with this?? The worst thing is that you can't find any before and after photos online, so I can't go and be reassured by photos of other vaginas that looked like mine but ended up looking normal again later!