C section or not after traumatic first birth

[ZoeCl]

Hello, this is my first post as I'm really struggling right now. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to write it all out and would love any advice and/or positive stories of second births/ scheduled c section after a traumatic first.

My first birth started with complications in the pregnancy as I had placenta Previa. I had several bleeds through the pregnancy and was hospitalised on several occasions. We had scans all the way up to week 37 until the placenta had moved just far enough for me to be told a natural birth would be fine. It had moved 2.5cm away from the cervix, on my back, and I wasn't told this would mean a natural birth would be more risky than normal because of this. In fact during the labour I was treated as low risk, and I believe now they weren't even aware of the low placenta given at every appointment I had to reexplain my situation and twice they even mixed up my medical chart.

Anyway, the labour started at midnight with my water breaking as the first sign. (At 39w5d) went to hospital, they sent me home as contractions were very mild for now. As soon as I got home they started getting quite painful (mainly all in the back- I've since been told I had back labour due to babies position) and I wasn't able to sleep or even lie down and contractions began being fast and regular enough by 4am for us to go back to the hospital. They got more and more painful, my husband said my back muscles were bulging into pyramids on my back. I had sterile water injections to help the back pain and holy *** - if you are thinking of getting these I'll just say they definitely did help the back pain for... Maybe an hour but the injections were crazy painful, though the pain only lasts 10 seconds or so and they do it while you're having a contraction. I actually went for a second lot of them but they didn't work and so not worth doing when they are apparently less likely to work the second time.

Anyway about ten hours after arriving at the hospital (14 hours after labour started) I asked them to check how dilated I was because I wanted morphine (in my birth plan I said I wanted to try no pain meds but was willing to take them before I was 7cm dilated if I couldn't handle it once actually in labour) they refused to check me saying the sounds I was making were low and guttural and this meant I'd be popping a baby out any minute now, and they also told me I didn't want to be checked because that was very invasive. At this point I'm stuck in the shower by the way cause the hot water helped earlier, but I'd been in there hours now and was shivering and just wanted out but I couldn't move for all the pain. 2 more hours later I asked them to check me again. I can't remember what they said but I know my husband intervened this time for me telling them to bloody do what I said. I was 6.5cm dilated. And didn't feel this 'invasive' checking me at all. Wouldn't even have a clue when or how they did it. Finally got morphine after several berating's from the midwives telling me, 'you know this is a drug right.' and 'this will go through to your baby' etc. I took the morphine. Finally got out of the shower and was able to lay down in bed on my side for a while. The contractions were still very painful but totally manageable now and my stress levels went way down. Midwife shift changed and I was dilated 9cm two hours later. This time I had an really lovely student midwife and wouldn't have a clue about her supervising midwife because she was rarely in the room, according to my husband she was out chatting to office staff for most of it. Anyway skip ahead a bit to me finally being able to push. And this is where it all starts to go wrong. I think this part was about half an hour? I don't really remember. My contractions actually slowed right down and I was falling into a weird state of unconscious between pushes. They were beginning to get worried, checking me and baby for the first time to find his heart was struggling. I was basically given my last chance to push him out before they'd need to intervene. I got him out. Followed by two litres of my own blood and a third degree tear. I heard them saying 'its too tight, cut it' (I had wanted delayed cord clamping if possible) and I didn't see, but apparently the cord was wrapped around my son's neck and entire body. It was so tight they had to cut it really close to his belly button, without leaving a nub. He wasn't breathing and was taken away to the corner. I had no idea anything was wrong with me at this point I just wanted my baby. Lots of people were pushing on my stomach now and trying to get my placenta out, I was given several doses of oxytocin but it wouldn't come out. All of a sudden the room was just full of people. I was signing consent forms in case they needed to take out my uterus and I now had to have an epidural (I was so scared of epidural and really never wanted to get one, so it was a little crushing to need one after the birth) to get my placenta manually removed.

They took me to surgery and my husband couldn't come with me or our son who had been taken for surgery of his own as they couldn't get a canular in him and had to insert it through the tiny bit of umbilical cord he had left. I had a support nurse through the surgery experience to hold my hand. After they put the epidural in I began to vomit and not breath so they had to put an oxygen mask on me and I was shivering uncontrollably. The removal of the placenta was fine, weird because it felt like someone doing the dishes in my stomach but no pain. They also stitched me up at this point too, first time I learned I'd torn and honestly the tear was so inconsequential I don't care about that part at all. I spent a few hours in recovery before being able to see my husband again, still not knowing if my baby is alive or dead. They wheel me down to NICU where my son was all hooked up to so many wires I still couldn't hold him but they placed his head on my chest near my face. It was probably the most emotional thing I've ever felt. He was alive and looked so healthy to me, but I couldn't feed him or anything yet and they took me down to our room. I never received a blood transfusion despite losing just over two litres.

We spent a week in hospital. Thankfully my son had no brain damage or anything from the lack of oxygen due to the cord and he was let come into my room by day 5 once his blood levels were right and a few other things. (There were so many ups and downs in that process too that was terrible but it's too much to get into) on my end I would have one doctor come in one day saying I was good to go home! Even though I didn't have my baby, then the very next day or maybe later that day a different doctor comes in and checks me over telling me there's no way I'm leaving yet. I was given an iron infusion and they watched my haemoglobin levels come up and because they hit 70 decided I didn't need a blood transfusion. After 7 days they sent me home in a wheelchair as I was unable to walk for very long as my blood pressure was low and my heart rate would spike. I was told to use a chair in the shower, always have someone home with me and I was not allowed to hold my baby standing up. I ended up with a heart condition and it took 9 months to recover. A year till I really felt myself again. Oh and breastfeeding failed. Despite being constantly told nothing was wrong I couldn't produce enough milk despite pumping after every single feed. I've since been told that was because I had not blood in my body.

Anyway. It was the worst experience of my life. Now my son is a beautiful 2 and a half year old and I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my second son. I wish I could guarantee myself a nice normal labour and birth this time round given the placenta is in a normal position but I'm terrified. I thought I was fine before getting pregnant and now I'm having flashbacks constantly I'm so anxious and paranoid all of a sudden, I don't even want to send my son to kindy because I freak out he will die if he's out of my sight. I'm really struggling and have ended up back at the same hospital because I couldn't get in anywhere better as I live outside the catchment areas and I can't afford private care. They are pushing for a natural birth but I think I really want the controlled environment of a scheduled C section even though I'm terrified of major surgery - I'm less scared of that then all of what can go wrong in a natural birth. But part of me is worried I'll put myself through major surgery out of fear when possibly I could be fine this time.

If anyone out there has a story of their own that could help I really need to hear it. I don't know what to do and find it hard to talk to the hospital staff as they have a serious natural birth push that they really give fear mongering tactics when it comes to talking about a C section.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this!

Oh wow, that sounds absolutely horrific. So sorry you had to go through all of that to get your little boy! It sounds like you need some sort of debrief on what actually happened during his birth, did they offer anything like that? There’s supposed to be a midwife led unit at every hospital that offers this now I believe 🤔 You should also probably speak to your GP about how worried you are feeling about your little boy as I’m sure they’ll be able to offer counselling or something to help (but the waiting time is probably ages 🙄). There is a self referral thing online on the NHS though I’m sure.

I had what sounds like the exact same placenta situation as you and it moved in time. Fortunately for me I had decided years ago that I would never and could never give birth vaginally because I basically imagined every single thing you just mentioned would happen to me 🤦🏼‍♀️ I had quite a fight during my pregnancy with midwives making out this has literally never happened to anyone but in the end I got my c-section approved and booked in. I’d never even been to hospital before, really never had anything wrong with me so I was absolutely petrified at the thought of having an operation. My biggest fears were the cannula (I’m a wimp) and spinal. Turned out the cannula was the only one that nipped at all and the lovely doctor even put a bit of local anaesthetic in first so it didn’t hurt 😂 It was the most calm experience ever after all of my worrying. I was panicking about being able to feel them touching me after I was numb but despite being able to feel ‘touch’ lightly, I had no idea they had started the operation. A minute in the anaesthetist behind my head said ‘they have a baby’. I had worked myself up so much during pregnancy about potentially going into labour then the fear of the actual operation, that it wasn’t until that moment that I really even considered I was getting a baby out of it! For my whole life I presumed I was going to die a horrific death and never see my child for some (most likely) irrational reason. It couldn’t have been further from the reality of how it all went. It was under 90 seconds from them starting the c-section to them dropping the curtain for me to see him. I was in utter disbelief as they wheeled me back round to recovery that they can just hand people babies like that with little to no discomfort whatsoever! Honestly the best day of my life and I would recommend it to anyone 😊 Obviously they might not all go exactly as mine did but do your own research on the risks. Consider when looking at the stats that a lot of these c-sections resulting in major blood loss etc are as a result of a woman being rushed to theatre after a labour like yours, possibly already in a life threatening situation. I really don’t think the ‘stats’ from that birth can be put down as a risk of a c-section. It’s like saying ambulances cause car crashes just because there’s an ambulance at every bad car crash, when they’re there to help 🤷🏼‍♀️ I read all of the risks and the majority are deemed as ‘rare’ or ‘uncommon’. The consultants also won’t tell you a single risk of a vaginal birth in my experience so again, it’s not a fair comparison. Definitely weigh up your options, decide what your ‘ideal’ birth would be and what you want to avoid but don’t be put off by cost-cutting consultants or midwives trying to force everyone down the same route. Good luck, I’m sure you will have a much better experience this time round whatever you go for 😊

If I were in your position I would have a c section.

I can only speak of my experience (failed induction resulting in c section) - the surgery itself was so calm & controlled. In & out in 15 mins. And I found the recovery very straightforward. Some discomfort, but no pain, very predictable & effectively managed with painkillers.

I was in a restaurant having lunch with my Mum 5 days after. I fared much better than many of my antenatal group who had natural births.

Thank you so much for this reply! This gave me such a sense of relief to read. And exactly what you were saying about researching c-sections, I've been finding it so frustrating that they don't separate elective c sections from emergency, or medically required sections because it's so different! And absolutely they don't tell you all the risks of natural birth. It really helps to hear these stories as I feel I can hold my resolve a little better in fighting to the c section. Our fears seem really similar about the surgury so it's really nice to hear the worst part was your own build up in your head! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply to me, this has helped so much!

@Sarah13xx I forgot to tag your name in my reply to you! Thank you again!!

@Dazedandconfused28
Thank you so much for your reply, that just sounds so fantastic, controlled and calm, and amazing to hear about the recovery process for you. I didn't realise just how much of a relief it would be to hear these things but it really is! Really helps to make me feel a lot surer about my decision to fight for the c section! Thank you!

C section

Book it now

I also had a traumatic first birth and could not contemplate a second pregnancy until I was assured I could have an elective caesarean.

It was brilliant.

So sorry to hear about your awful experience, it sounds really distressing. As a pp said, were you able to have a debrief meeting to speak with a consultant about what happened and why it happened the way it did?

I gave birth May last year and had a very traumatic birth where an anaesthetist punctured my spine causing me to have 3 surgeries and many other complications. My daughter lost a lot of weight as midwives weren't helping me feed her and the list goes on. I had a debrief meeting with a professor, meetings with the Matron of the postnatal ward and a meeting with the head of the anaesthetist team. I now have a legal case of negligence against the NHS because of such poor treatment we received at the time. I was able to have CBT therapy which really helped process the trauma as I was literally scared to be anywhere near the hospital and was having flashbacks of the ward. If it's possible, do look into CBT and see if you find any use out of it because it's super helpful.

I found out I was pregnant again when DC was only 12 weeks. Now I'm 32 weeks and chose a C section with no doubt in my mind. I'm in a different hospital now but there was still no way I was risking having anything like that happen again. In a few weeks I'll be booking the date of my C section which is really reassuring. I think speaking to consultants/anaesthetists about the process and what to expect makes such a huge difference. Even tho many consultants try to put you off and encourage you to have a vaginal birth, it's your choice. Go with whatever makes you feel comfortable and many many women have had planned C sections with such good recoveries. I hope I'll be one of them and hope you will too if you decide to go for it. All the best🙌

@yoyobaby
An anaesthetist punctured your spine…what does this actually mean?! What surgery did you need after?

@FirstTimeMama848484 an anaesthetist punctured my spine, I really don't know how else to say it. Whilst administering an epidural, he put the needle in the wrong place which caused a spinal puncture and fluid leaking out of my back. That results in something called a spinal headache which is due to low pressure in the brain because of the fluid that leaked out of the back.

I had three procedures to fix it called blood patches where they take blood out of your arm and put it into your back in hope that the blood clots and covers the space where the fluid leaked out of. I had double vision, couldn't move my neck and extreme migraines. I still suffer everyday from the migraines but everything else is fixed now. Horrible situation and hardly any accountability was taken hence the negligence legal case I have going on

Book a c section and don't feel another moment hesitating about it. Also had a traumatic first birth here- huge bleed, baby born not breathing (she was fine in the end), needed two operations post birth due to complications with the epidural. 7 day stay on postnatal ward.

I had an elective section with my second and it was the BEST decision I've ever made. It was calm, wonderful and positive in every way. And my recovery was 1000x easier than with DC1s vaginal birth, despite the fact I wasn't allowed DH on the postnatal ward with me at all due to covid. It was just me and DC2 on the postnatal ward with no visiting hours and yet I spend the whole time just feeling so happy and so pleasantly surprised by how great I felt.

Book the section, you won't regret it.

[quote yoyobaby]@FirstTimeMama848484 an anaesthetist punctured my spine, I really don't know how else to say it. Whilst administering an epidural, he put the needle in the wrong place which caused a spinal puncture and fluid leaking out of my back. That results in something called a spinal headache which is due to low pressure in the brain because of the fluid that leaked out of the back.

I had three procedures to fix it called blood patches where they take blood out of your arm and put it into your back in hope that the blood clots and covers the space where the fluid leaked out of. I had double vision, couldn't move my neck and extreme migraines. I still suffer everyday from the migraines but everything else is fixed now. Horrible situation and hardly any accountability was taken hence the negligence legal case I have going on[/quote]
This is exactly what happened to me!! It's called a dural tap.

It's because they push the needle in too far so it goes into the wrong space and because the epidural needle is so big loads of fluid leaks out. I also found the recovery and blood patches from it extremely traumatic and had to have therapy to process what had happened.

I was worried about the spinal before the section, but the needle they use for that is so much finer that it's far less likely to cause any problems.

@househunters haha yeah a dural tap. I didn't want to over complicate it for the pp as I can talk about it for days. How unlucky that we were both in a similar situation and needed therapy. I hope the therapy helped you process everything that happened.

I recently spoke to an anaesthetist who told me the difference in needles that they use for a spinal and an epidural and it reassured me so much. I'll definitely be having a C section next month. How did you find a C section when you had one? I hope all went well

The section was incredible. So, so, so much easier than my first birth- just not even comparable really. Never before has someone who's just been though major surgery been so elated by how good they feel 😂

A colleague due her first baby soon made a comment recently about how she's definitely going to have a water birth with gas and air, no section for her. I really had to bite my tongue. I was induced a few weeks early though- had my waters forcibly broken at less than 1cm dilated (hence why they put in an epidural as that was brutal), and was on the drip, so maybe a spontaneous birth would have been much easier

I had an ELCS with my second after a bad first delivery (though no where near as traumatic as yours!). I also lost 1.8L of blood and that alone was enough of a reason. I wasn't in the U.K. but was still through the public system in the country I was in.
I would start making requests now and make it known what you want.

I also started having flashbacks to the traumatic first birth when I was pregnant with my second. I fought for an ELCS and didn't regret it for a second! Calm and controlled and it saved DC2s life as they wouldn't have survived a vaginal delivery (didn't know this until the surgeon had them out and could see the cord).

It was such a weight off my mind once the surgery was booked - do it sooner rather than later to get back some peace of mind.