Constantly sacrificing my own happiness

[Emily6457]

Hi,

Sorry if this is a long post!

I was a teacher for 9 years until recently. My eldest daughter is 5 and I worked full time after having her. I did all the nursery drop offs/pick ups, had time off with her when she was poorly, took her to appointments etc. My husband continued as normal building up his own business. I worked and parented pretty much on my own, while he did all the nice bits and day trips etc on his day off. This worked for us as a family and I felt ok about it.
When we had our second daughter I returned to work part time. I couldn’t have maintained full time, housework and parenting. I found this really difficult and left the career I had worked so hard for.
I decided in order to spend more time with my children I would work in my husband’s office and build up the business. However I hate it and I feel I have my career up for nothing. I had thought I’d have much more responsibility and enjoy the job a lot more, it’s just boring and there’s not the pressure/fast paced work I am used to.
We also recently lost our third baby. This was unplanned and I wanted it desperately, although my husband wasn’t as happy. We have now decided not to try again.

Today I have been offered a full time teaching job. My husband doesn’t want me to take it as he needs my help in the office. He won’t compromise with anything and I just feel like I am constantly sacrificing my happiness for him. My career, my third baby.
Any advice? Xxx

Obvious place to start but have you told him how you feel? What did he say?

You deserve to be happy more than he deserves a a convenient office junior IMO.

It sounds like you need to get back to work and you obviously love teaching. With so many leaving the profession, it's really wonderful you want to continue and are passionate about it.
He can hire someone else to do your job. You need this!

Youre probably better posting this in the relationship board. I'd take the job. Maybe look to couples counselling too as he sounds very selfish. But you need to work on building your boundaries too. Good luck!

Take the job.
Your DH would never compromise like that on his side.
Read the accounts of other women in similar situations, if you split up you’d be up €&@/ creek.

Take the job! If he needs help he can hire someone who would enjoy the role more. Can you afford a cleaner with your job being full time? It's money well spent if you can - you get to focus on the job you enjoy and reduce some of the juggle.

Take. The. Job.
He will have to.compromise if you're not there won't he?

Take the job.
Also ask Mumsnet to move this to relationships or AIBU to get more traffic.

You love teaching and it still has an amazing pension. You are risking a comfortable old age to support your husband’s business that cannot offer you the same security; the same reward; the same enjoyment.

You sound in danger of losing yourself and the worst of it is, it very often seems to be the case that when women make these sacrifices, their male “partners” lose rather than gain respect for them.

You are a highly skilled professional and you are his wife and lover. Don’t trade it to be his office bitch.

You need to get back to your career. Your husband will find someone else to help in the office and get used to it.

Then employ a cleaner once a week and outsource ironing.

Good luck.

Take the job.

I think it sounds like you've sacrificed enough for your dh, put yourself first for a change. He can't always have things his way, and have you picking up his slack.

Take the job, and tell your dh you expect him to step up helping with stuff around the house etc!

Take the job. Buy in help and get your DH to pay half.