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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Should I feel guilt?

21 replies

sunfloeers21 · 25/02/2022 16:52

I had an ELCS with my first baby. Purely for my mental health, I was so scared of giving birth and having a bad experience and failing to bond with my baby due to birth trauma me and my midwife decided it was best.

I was well supported with my decision and even after birth. Baby was born on the larger side so even consultants have said it was most likely the best decision as if I tried to deliver baby naturally I could’ve suffered pelvic fracture and probably would’ve had a rough time.

I personally stand by my decision, I bonded with baby instantly and my recovery was actually fantastic and straightforward. I’ve been so lucky. The birth was more amazing than I could’ve ever imagined.

However, recently a few comments from SIL have gotten to me. She has given birth vaginally each time and keeps making snipes at me about how I didn’t experience labour, how I didn’t let my baby decide when to come on their own etc.

This in turn is making me feel quite guilty. Is what I did wrong? Her constant comments are starting to get to me and breakdown my barrier of confidence I had about my birth

OP posts:
Seainasive · 25/02/2022 16:55

Your SIL is not a very nice person.

Prinnny · 25/02/2022 16:56

Oh tell her to shut up. I had an elective section too, best decision ever I would 100% do the same again and recommend to others.

MarceyMc · 25/02/2022 16:57

Your SIL sounds like a right cow! Tell her to mind her own!

justthecat · 25/02/2022 16:58

You did what was best for you and your baby, like a decent mother would. Childbirth is not a competition

Ozanj · 25/02/2022 16:58

Your sil is probably jealous or partially incontinent (like I am) or both. If you aren’t high risk you have to be very healthy and have a textbook pregnancy for the NHS to agree to an elective in some areas and I’m sure jealousy plays a big part in it. Ignore her if you can. Or failing that tell her firmly to keep her opinions to herself.

DramaAlpaca · 25/02/2022 16:59

You didn't do anything wrong, you did the right thing for you and your baby, so don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

You need to stand up to your SIL and tell her to mind her own business.

Wnkingawalrus · 25/02/2022 17:00

Tell her to fuck off.

AnotherDelphinium · 25/02/2022 17:02

You should feel no guilt whatsoever. I’d rehearse a couple of one liners to shut her down anytime she raises this;
“Why would I want to experience labour?!, what a bizarre comment to make SIL. I’m very happy with the elective Caesarian. I wonder if it will rain today”
And if she brings it up again, ask her if she’s got a cagoule or a umbrella with her, and carry on ad-finitum.

RandomMess · 25/02/2022 17:16

I have birthed 4 babies including an undetected whopper.

You should feel zero 0 nada guilt.

C-section is not the pain free easy option and even it were you and the medical team made the best decision for you and your baby.

Thanks
SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2022 17:18

Every time she says it I'd reply "wl they're both here safely so that's all that matters" and walk away

Thatsplentyjack · 25/02/2022 17:20

It doesn't matter how a baby comes out as long as they come out safely.
Tell your sil to fuck off.

inheritancetrack · 25/02/2022 17:21

Tell her your undercarriage is in tip top condition and to feck the feck off. Dont engage and she may shut up. I would also distance myself.

UghFletcher · 25/02/2022 17:21

Your SIL is a knob. Tell her to fuck off and mind her own next time she mentions anything.

Jk987 · 25/02/2022 17:36

I think it's a bit of jealousy if she had a bad time and injuries during her own labour.

Original poster
sunfloeers21 · 25/02/2022 19:06

Thanks everyone. I did think I’ve done the right thing considering how much of an amazing birth and postnatal period I had (up to now, DS is 12 weeks)

But yes sometimes she kind of undermines me and even at one point said I didn’t give birth which made me sad but DH reminded me I gave birth no matter what I did as I got my baby out!

I’m not sure the extent of what happened in her births, she’s due in April to have another baby and constantly mentions how she’s trying to avoid a c section at all costs and “how bad it’d be” :/

OP posts:
Fieldofflowers22 · 25/02/2022 19:13

I had natural birth and emergency C-section (i know its not the same) and all I can say is please don't feel guilty. Who cares how the baby gets here? Honestly as long as baby is healthy who cares.

goodenoughmum88 · 25/02/2022 19:14

There is more to being a mother than pushing a baby out of your fanjo and incurring all manner of trauma and birth injuries. I know that for some it’s an empowering and uplifting experience, but not for all.

You have prioritised yours and your child’s health and well-being by making such a difficult decision. Never feel guilty for that.

As for responding to her comments, I’d tackle it head on if I’m honestX I hate conflict, but I hate festering crap too. I’d. Calmly point out how happy you are with your birth choices and wonder why she is so concerned about something that has given her a healthy niece, and happy Brother and sister in law?!?!

tattychicken · 25/02/2022 19:24

She's talking bollocks.

PerseverancePays · 25/02/2022 20:05

It's a form of bullying; undermining you so you doubt yourself. Practise how you are going to tell her that you are not interested, you stand by your choices, you don't want to hear about this topic again etc. When she has exhausted this topic she'll be onto the next: why can't your baby sit up yet, talk yet, recite the alphabet backwards etc. Learn to shut it down or she'll be spoiling your baby experience.

AKASammyScrounge · 25/02/2022 20:29

@sunfloeers21

I had an ELCS with my first baby. Purely for my mental health, I was so scared of giving birth and having a bad experience and failing to bond with my baby due to birth trauma me and my midwife decided it was best.

I was well supported with my decision and even after birth. Baby was born on the larger side so even consultants have said it was most likely the best decision as if I tried to deliver baby naturally I could’ve suffered pelvic fracture and probably would’ve had a rough time.

I personally stand by my decision, I bonded with baby instantly and my recovery was actually fantastic and straightforward. I’ve been so lucky. The birth was more amazing than I could’ve ever imagined.

However, recently a few comments from SIL have gotten to me. She has given birth vaginally each time and keeps making snipes at me about how I didn’t experience labour, how I didn’t let my baby decide when to come on their own etc.

This in turn is making me feel quite guilty. Is what I did wrong? Her constant comments are starting to get to me and breakdown my barrier of confidence I had about my birth

She is a silly woman and a spiteful one. Don't give her a moment's time in your head. Your baby is here safe and sound, you are here safe and sound. That is all that matters. You don't have to defend your choices to anyone. '
HW1989 · 26/02/2022 14:23

Ignore her and her horrid comments. Your baby is here safely and lucky to have a mum who puts that above bragging rights.

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