Maternal Request C-Section and Anxiety

[CountryGirl189]

Just after some advice please :)

I initially spoke to my midwife during my booking appointment about my anxiety around childbirth and how I wasn’t enjoying my pregnancy because I was so terrified. She suspected I had Tokophobia and when I brought up the subject of a Maternal Request C-Section, she was very, very supportive and referred me to a consultant straight away and the Perinatal Mental Health Team.

Roll forward a few weeks and I’m anxious about the call with the consultant in case they dismiss my fears. Amazingly, the lady that called me was one of the mental health midwives who works with the consultants and listened to all I had to say and explained that no one can stop me choosing an ELCS if that is what I feel is best for me and my mental health, but that they have to make sure you’re making an informed choice. We spoke about different risks etc and she agreed that ELCS are much calmer and will be much better for me to deal with. She booked me in for 4 weeks later (currently 2 to go), to speak to the Consultant directly and book in the ELCS.

Today I had my mental health assessment and what a disappointment. The woman was completely dismissive of my fears and suggested they could prescribe me a sedative to calm me down for when I went into labour?!

Needless to say, I had a panic attack once she left and now I am terrified that my wishes will be denied and I’ll be declined the ELCS. I’ve tried to contact the lady at the hospital, but the receptionist claimed not to know who she was and suggested I speak to my midwife in the meantime whilst waiting for the appointment call.

Will I still be able to request and insist on the ELCS as a maternal request?

(I understand a c-section is not for everyone and I have my own reasons for wanting one and I am well, well aware of the risks involved, but also well aware of the risks involved with ‘natural’ birth too)

Any advice from those who have been through this is much appreciated!

Hey lovely, this sounds similar to my story too! I've written a blog on some of the tips I found useful before and after the c-section if you're looking for any help to prepare!

thelondonbump.co.uk/2022/02/12/preparing-for-your-c-section/

[quote CountryGirl189]@sarah13xx oh god, I didn’t realise they could just cancel it if they were mega busy! I definitely don’t want this to happen 😭

Will be sure to ask when I speak to the consultant![/quote]
Sorry just getting back on.. yes as others have said they’d just move it back a day if someone had a greater need for one. My friends sister went in and was all gowned up ready to meet her baby to be told to go home and come back the next day 🙈 My hospital was really busy around the time my other friend was due to go in and I think she was quite laidback about it to the consultants so they just left it all very last minute then she ended up going into labour and had never been given an official date. She did eventually get the section but her story was a lot less calm and stress-free than me 🙈 I was quite firm with them because this had happened to her and asked so many questions on the phone that they must have just thought book this girl in early and shut her up 🙄😂 so I got my date a good 2 weeks before people at my hospital usually do! It will all be fine and will just be such a great day. I was so anxious while I was pregnant that I avoided talking about how I’d be giving birth with people if possible and just left it vague to avoid getting their unwanted opinions or judgements on how they felt a baby I’d grown should exit my body 🙈 The one person at work I did mention it to told me I’d regret it and be disappointed I hadn’t tried to go naturally. I cannot WAIT to go back into work to tell her just how much I don’t regret it and will be doing absolutely everything the same again if I have another and I won’t hide it next time, I’ll be shouting it from the rooftops with pride 😅😂

@sarah13xx oh my god, the lady at your work sounds EXACTLY like one at mine!

She overheard me telling someone else about it and was all, “why on this earth would you CHOOSE to have major abdominal surgery?! It’s so stupid, you won’t be able to do anything for weeks! How will you do anything around the house? How will you drive anywhere?”

Honestly 🤦🏼‍♀️ I felt like saying to her, how would so do the same if I had a ‘natural’ birth and tore front to back like someone I knew?

So now I sing loud and proud about wanting a c-section and I think more people need to! I was speaking to another colleague and she said having a c-section was the best thing she ever did after two previous ‘natural’ births where she bled out so much she almost died 😭 she said the c-section was the best day of her life!

@CountryGirl189 it’s so true and there’s such an imbalance with the view everyone portrays of a c-section, including some medical staff! The people who made it most difficult for me to ‘qualify’ to speak to a consultant about it all were the midwives and they did the most patronizing tone every time I requested a c-section. They made it as if my fears weren’t warranted at all and no one ever tears or has all these traumatic experiences I was describing (that so far I think 4 out of 5 of my friends have had - one going to surgery due to bleeding out the same as you said)! The consultant was much more understanding but she also gave a very one-sided picture of the risks. At the start of the phone call she said we were going to discuss the pros and cons of both yet there was absolutely no mention of anything to do with a vaginal birth other than the fact she started with ‘you could have a nice easy vaginal birth with a quick recovery OR’ then proceeded to only mention the absolute worst case scenarios of a section, many of which are when people have already had a ‘go’ at a vaginal birth to end up in such a horrific situation they’re having to get an emergency c-section to sort them out. None of that is mentioned though! There wasn’t a single ‘pro’ of a c-section mentioned either funnily enough. Obviously they need to tell you the bad stuff but it should definitely be in a much more accurate and balanced way than they do 🙄

Another girl at my work is going in for corrective surgery so she can stop wetting herself every day due to her traumatic vaginal birth. My hairdresser has been promised a section next time too after being left shaking in bed the day after her birth, completely traumatised and unable to bond with her baby, having ripped front to back, was too late for her to get the epidural and it all went so badly. But why on earth would you want to by-pass all that for (in my case) 5-7 days of having to walk about kinda slowly but not be ‘in pain’! Best decision ever 😅

Just an update from my end - had my consultant appointment today and left having a panic attack 😩

She basically said that I have no right to a c-section and that the guidelines are there but that’s not how it works and proceeded to tell me for an hour about how if I had a c-section, I’d bleed to death.

She also kept dangling it in front of me, saying things like “I could book it right now for you in two seconds, but I’m not going to”. It was absolutely horrendous and to be honest, I now feel so detached from my baby out of fear of having to do something I don’t want.

I saw the mental health midwife after who could see how distressed I was and I told her that I’m so worried that this whole process is going to make me hate my baby.

I have to go back in two weeks to see the vile consultant again and hope and pray that she says yes, but highly doubting it at this point 😔

I'd complain to PALs. That sounds horrendous.

I just had my consultant appointment for an elective CS after an emergency one with my first and she was amazing. Said that every woman should choose how they give birth, said she had to tell me the risks of C section but that natural birth also had risks too so both have their pros and cons, and that the most important thing is that I'm happy and informed.

Go armed with the Nice guidelines and just keep repeating 'I am requesting a C Section' over and over again.

@Hugasauras - she sounds like a dream! I actually can’t believe what I’ve just had to sit through. I was in tears so my partner had to speak for me a lot and he kept saying that this anxiety is ruining my pregnancy and he’s so worried about the effects it’s having on the baby - she couldn’t care less.

We also kept repeating NICE and she said that there might be guidelines, but she can still refuse me.

I’m honestly so lost with what I should do - she gave me the c-section form to read through and go back with, but I’m absolutely terrified that she will say no. She also said that she has to get another consultants approval and that isn’t guaranteed and they have the right to say no too.

I am just so beyond sick of this constant going in circles!

@CountryGirl189 oh nooo 😢 so sorry this happened. I know every ounce of how stressful it is and I feel like it definitely did ruin my pregnancy to have it hanging over me the entire time so I know exactly how you feel. I was at a baby shower the other day and people were talking about it and I was almost having to make a joke of it like I’m the weird one for not wanting a human head coming out of there 🤦🏼‍♀️ You WILL get it. She sounds like she’s gone down the extreme fear route. Mine kind of did this but at the same time was saying she couldn’t say no but basically I’d die if I booked it. I would even phone your GP just to add another note to your medical record. I was waking up during the night and it was literally all I was thinking about while waiting on the consultant phoning me with an appointment time as the weeks went on so my mum (who was actually against it) was the one who said I should phone my GP after she saw just how worked up I was about it all. I’d give them one last chance and don’t wait on their date of when you’ll hear from them. Just keep at them and/or your midwife until they either get fed up or you or get the message that you physically cannot live like this. I know you can transfer to another hospital if it came to it. Have you looked your hospital up on birth rights to see what others’ experiences have been? (Haven’t re-read this thread again so can’t remember if that’s already been suggested)

Complain to PALs and make it very clear the effect this is having on your mental health.

Ask them to explain why they are disregarding the risks of harm from that. Both to you and the baby.

Ask them why they are failing to follow the NICE guidelines.

Ask them why they are failing to respect your autonomy.

Thanks ladies, it’s really frustrating and the appointment was so distressing - I felt like I was backed into a corner.

Now I have to have the anxiety of waiting yet again! She kept cutting in throughout the entire appointment and wouldn’t properly let either me or my partner speak, which winds me up in general when people do this, but for a medical professional to do it and not listen is disgusting.

I really don’t know what to do - do I contact PALS now or will that risk her getting even funnier with me?

@CountryGirl189 that is absolutely appalling, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It makes me so unbelievably angry that women are STILL treated this way.
I would suggest you request to see a different consultant for the next appointment, as is your right to do.

Which trust are you at? It might be worth now looking into different trusts within reasonable travelling distance if this is how you’re being treated. There are plenty of obstetricians of impeccable standing who do not treat women like they are children without the ability to make medical decisions for themselves.

Have you looked at Birthrights website? They have a support helpline you could try. Sorry if this has already come up and I’ve missed it.

Hang in there, I think it is likely this consultant will back down eventually, but if you feel she has done irreparable damage to the doctor-patient relationship then you may feel happier travelling a little further to a hospital willing to treat you like a human being. Either way you will manage and it will be ok.

Also, she does not have to get another consultants approval. That is just factually incorrect.

Choice here is very important. I have had to have two csections due to my medical condition- I would have loved the opportunity to have been given the chance to have had a vaginal birth.
Two planned csection- first was a breeze felt amazing! Second was tough had issues and recovery it took a lot longer and I found it so frustrating infections and have a very dodgy scar now. But I may have had the same issues if I had a vaginal delivery.

I do feel women need more support around choices and support where needed. It’s a shame that this medical person didn’t seemingly respect your decision - I think if you had the right access and support around your anxiety they could maybe help you with keeping options open and maybe vaginal birth while still accepting your choice of csection. I definitely think saying csection bad vaginal birth good isn’t the right way - support, understanding and guidance is a much better conversation.

Thanks ladies!

I completely understand the pros and cons of both types of birth, I just find it so infuriating they’re not spoken about in equal terms.

I said to the consultant that it absolutely was not a decision I was making lightly, but one to ensure that my mental health stays intact for the sake of me and my baby.

I’ve managed to speak to the mental health midwife today who said I can ask for a second opinion from a different consultant if she says no.

I’m just going to have to go in all guns blazing next time!

www.birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/right-to-a-c-section/

@CountryGirl189 that sounds promising as I’m sure your ‘rights’ do say you can be referred to another consultant if one refuses. How were you in the last appointment? I’m really bad at confrontation so I was just glad mine was over the phone and I had all my notes to read from in case they started trying to force me into something. I’ve seen people on here before saying try not to cry during it but also seen people on here say cry then it shows how much it’s affecting you so I don’t really know what the best way to be is 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s a joke that you’re not only growing an actual human but meanwhile having to fight your corner just to get something you have looked into and weighed up your options for. It’s your baby, your baby and not up to anyone else how you will be giving birth to them

@sarah13xx - I was an absolute mess to be honest and ended up having a panic attack afterwards and the midwife had to take me into a different room!

She called today and said she’s managed to speak to the Head of Midwifery who has looked over my file and is totally 100% supportive and will personally seek out a consultant to do it on my behalf if she says no! Thank Christ!

@CountryGirl189 that would have been me too if I’d had to go in. My partner knew how uptight I was about it all but he’d be little to no use to argue on my behalf 😂 oh that’s great news then, at least someone’s on your side! It’s just another layer of stress and worry on top of stress and worry 🤦🏼‍♀️ Women should not have to ‘fight’ to not have to potentially end up in a traumatic situation with life altering consequences if it’s not how they choose to give birth. I said my whole life I wasn’t having a baby because I just couldn’t even have it as a possibility that I’d go through all of that. Somehow I managed to coax myself into it on the promise that I knew how to get the section approved and luckily it was all fine after a bit of a battle to get them to take me seriously. Now I’ve met my little boy he really is my favourite thing on earth, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and so much better than I could have ever expected but if you took me back and said you can’t have a section I just wouldn’t have got pregnant, I just could not physically on any planet have done it and/or want to experience any of it.

Now he’s 6 months I’m thinking about the future and at what point would I like to try for another, maybe when he’s 2, but I’ve only just settled back down from being extremely tense for a full 9 months, I don’t think I could go back to that any time soon 🙈

Hi all I'm having my c section ( maternal request) in a weeks time very excited but also a bit worried about the pain and what it'll feel like can anyone say what it's like or compare the pain? Also how common is it to go into labour before the c section? I'll be dead on 39 weeks 5th pregnancy (11 in total some miscarriages) @CountryGirl189 how did eveything go? Did they agree to the section? Xxx

Hi @odey9621 - yes I got it all approved and I’m now 30 weeks and just waiting for my date 😊

I will have a birth plan meeting with my midwife too, where she said that if I go into labour prior to the date, they will just take me straight into theatre!

Pain wise, I think it depends on your pain threshold - but everyone has said that when you first stand up, you do feel like everything is just going to fall out 😬 but getting up and moving around little and often as much as you can is the best way to recover and just take it very easy!

My mum had a c-section and she said the pain after is more like a paper cut pain, but obviously on a larger scale, but just to keep on top of your pain meds and don’t let them run out before you take them again.

if it also helps, a friend recently had a completely natural water birth with only gas and air (totally her choice) and she said that she’d recommend having a baby, but would absolutely NOT recommend a vaginal birth 😅

How did it go OP?