homebirth - pools, siblings and birth 'plans'

[marjean]

So I'm planning to have baby no. 2 at home later this month and have some questions. Any advice/suggestions gratefully received.

Pools
I'm hiring a pool from the hospital even though I managed perfectly well last time without one, I thought I might as well give it a go, and friends rave about their experiences. However, I want only DH (+ MWs obviously) at the birth and we have a toddling daughter. From my understanding of pools, they can be quite time consuming to fill and keep at the right temperature and I want DH's primary concern to be for our daughter. So I guess what I'm asking is, does anyone have any experiences of maintaining their own pool during labour/birth? How quickly do they cool down and need refilling? Would MW lend a helping hand in this area if required?

Siblings
Does anyone have any tips for occupying/involving an almost-2 year old at a home birth? (Assuming she's awake of course)

Birth plans
My last birth plan seemed to fulfill a purpose and I'm keen to write one again but want this one to reflect my experiences of birth no. 1. Basically, I never felt the urge to push and felt that I could have just breathed through the second stage. However, the MW really encouraged me to force it and I remember feeling completely out of control, anxiously and chaotically pushing through, after and before contractions and all sorts. Luckily it seems, there were no physical ramifications but for me, the lack of control made me feel very uncomfortable. How could I possibly phrase this in a plan? I don't want to question the MW professional judgement and, of course, this birth could be completely different to the last, but I don't want to be told to do anything that doesn't feel right. As it's my second birth, perhaps they'll give me more control anyway?

Many thanks
Marjean

Is there anyone that can look after your daughter for the home birth? I don't know if a 2-year-old would get the same benefits from being present as an older child would, and would mean that DH would be able to concentrate entirely on you (and the pool!) thus solving problems 1 and 2

As for the birth plan, I think you should make it clear that you want to be the one in control, and that unless your or the baby's immediate health is in jeopardy, then you should go with your instincts first. I'd imagine that both on your second birth and a home birth that you'd be given more control though.

HTH

Have you got a heat mat/cover with the pool ?
I have just got my birth pool and it says with the mat on it will only loose 1 - 2 degrees every hour although not too sure about when your in it ?
Will let you know though as i 39+1 and will have ds 5 and dd nearly 3 here all being well!

Hi i've had 2 of my 5 at home and the first time with my 3rd ds I sent the older ones to my mums house, they were 3 and 19 months, however all three of my older ones were at home with my 4th ds and slept right through, although we had my mil staying just in case, but she had explicite instructions not to come down stairs until I said so! with my 5th I had to go into hospital for my delivery but left it so long at home that we only just made it and my 2yr old was playing horsy whilst I was kneeling against the sofa!
I think everyone is more laid back at a home birth infact at my second the midwives and hubbie almost missed the birth as they were busy leaving me to it and drinking tea!
probably not much help but thats my experience!

Tell the midwives ahead of time that you do not want them to tell you to push. Say it early and often until they look you in the eye and agree. Your husband should be right there telling them to knock it off if they start up. It's a habit and it's soooo annoying when it's just unnessary!

when I told my mw I wanted to be left alone to push or not push as my body instructed me and no-one else, she listened well. If she hadn't, I would have insisted on another mw. it's your birth, your body, your baby and you and your instincts are the only thing which which deliver your baby, not the midwife. Good luck.

occupying the 2 year old would be easier if you have someone other than your DH to look after her - He won't be able to divide his attention effectivly enough and you'll probably fret about it too much (speaking from experience here -mum kept DS1 busy during DS2's birth) I farmed both DS's out for DD's birth , i felt that DS2 at 2yo would be a distraction and DS1 was 'been there, done that, can i go to nannie's please'
this time, if I labour in the daytime, DS2 and DD are going to mum's (DS is 4 but very much mummy's boy and I'd not be able to keep him from wanting me, and DD is 2.5 and wouldn't get it at all) but DS1 would like to stay. OTOH if I labour at night, DH will call mum after 6am and she'll come and collect them -otherwise they'll stay put.
As far as the pushing bit's concerned -make it clear, no directed pushing unless indicated, no coaching,no cheerleading -your wishes are loads less likely to be trampled on in your own home

Message withdrawn

Thanks so much for all your help/suggestions/experiences. Food for thought...

Will chat to mw about birth 'plan' next week. Will also ask for more information about pool - is being hired from hospital so don't know if it comes with mat etc. And we do have people on standby to look after DD 'just in case'. Fingers crossed...