Birthing plan

[mrscotton]

Hi, i am not sure if i am overthinking things (i do this quite a bit) but im 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby but I havent had any conversations with my midwife about a birthing plan or anything.
When i had a booking appt over the phone at 6 weeks, i said about having bubba in my local hospital (about 10 min drive from my house) but that was with a different midwife.
When do people think i should speak to her about a birthing plan or what to do nearer the time? The closer it gets, the more scared i get that i wont cope with labour & the pain. Ive got an appt to see her on Thursday so making a list of things to speak to her about.
Thank you.

The midwife will probably give you a longer slot for either your next appointment or the one after to talk through your birth plan (they did for me two years ago, I’m assuming this hasn’t changed). But if you have questions writing them down is a good idea. I used a template I found online (NCT I think) to make sure I knew what was worth including in a birth plan, and I took that with me to that longer appointment.

If it helps, try to remember that you can change your mind and ask for more or different pain relief if it’s feeling too much for you, so the decisions don’t need to be definite.

There's usually a template online that can be followed. My midwife never brought up my birth plan with me at any appointment!

I had one and it never left the hospital bag!

@mrscotton I recommend the positive birth company's digital hypnobirthing pack.

I have never made a birth plan and never been asked for one either. I’ve heard them mentioned a lot but never in real life as it were. Personally I wouldn’t bother.
Are there no ante natal classes available ?
Read up on what to expect, Hit the gas and air, and don’t panic, you’ll be fine.

Birth plans are for amusement only. Your baby hasn't read it. Nor has your uterus.

@Babdoc

Birth plans are for amusement only. Your baby hasn't read it. Nor has your uterus.

Yup, this.

My NHS trust made me write one, so I put that I'd like baby out safely with minimum damage to either of us. Also that a water birth/labour would be nice if possible.

As it turned out, I had an EMCS under GA, but we were both fine.

Keep an open mind, focus on getting what you need. E.g. some women hate internal exams, so you could ask to minimise them. Or you might want to ask for an epidural before they start the drip if they need to use syntocinon (it can be brutal, 95% get an epidural but not before they're already in excruciating pain).

I think you need some antenatal classes so you know your options and what happens giving birth. I loved my NCT classes - still friends 12 years later. I learnt so much but most of all as pp's have said you can't control what happens BUT you can be prepared and having techniques to manage labour is really important. I counted my way through each contraction. Boring but helped me!

It's usually discussed at the 36 week appointment at my trust.

I wasn't asked until 36 week appointment, at which point she said just bring it to 40 week appointment for further discussion (next week). You have plenty of time!

I wouldn’t get too stressed or worked up about a birthing plan I had a vague one for PFB and nothing for second and wasn’t asked about it with either.

Best advice go with an open mind focus on your breathing and see each contraction as a step closer to you holding your baby in your arms and if you get the chance to go in the birthing pool if its free take it.

A friend pregnant at the same time as me spent ages thinking about writing up her birthing plan and what she did and didn’t want. It went completely out of the window so she felt like a failure and it really dinted her confidence as a mother.

They are a total waste of time. You can have an idea of things you would like but actually you need to be flexible and be prepared to adapt to changing situations. Maybe there aren’t enough midwives on duty to facilitate your water birth etc. I also don’t understand how people who have never felt the pain of a contraction planning for a natural birth with no analgesics. You simply don’t know how you will feel in the moment.

Agree, waste of time. Whatever happens, happens.

@Babdoc

Birth plans are for amusement only. Your baby hasn't read it. Nor has your uterus.

I couldn’t agree more 🤣. I never wrote one, I just said I’d have whatever pain relief was offered and to embrace the unexpected!

I don’t think they are a waste of time. I think they prompt women with useful questions that lead to valuable information being gathered so that decisions can be made outside of an emergency or pressured situation. You don’t know what you don’t know, especially for a first baby. There are aspects of your care you might not know to question or expect. It is good to have information. Birth plans provide that information. Many women are not familiar with the process of birth before they experience it, nothing wrong with asking questions beforehand.

Thank you everyone. Ill have a look at classes locally and have a read up on things.

My midwife brought it up at my 36 week appt and we've booked in a longer appt for my 38 week appt. I won't be making a plan or expecting to stick to one!

I don't think birth plans are a waste of time, but I prefer the more modern description of 'birth preferences'. The point is to think about what you want in all situations - what if you need a caesarian? What if you need to be induced? What if you want a birth centre birth but the birth centre is full? Ideally, what would you like to happen in those situations?

I agree you have to be flexible - for instance in my case I wanted a water birth in the birth centre but my first baby arrived too quickly and I had to give birth in the delivery suite instead. No water birth.

However, I'd made a playlist which was played for me. As part of my birth preferences I'd requested a female obstetrician to attend me if an obstetrician was necessary and it was possible - this request was honoured, as I did require some interventions (my waters needed to be broken for me and I needed an episiotomy).

Other things were not respected so much - eg I'd wanted to give birth in an upright position but I was told to lie on the bed and give birth on my back, despite the delivery suite having posters up showing alternative optimal positions of birth.

I found that preparing my birth preferences and using the techniques of hypnobirthing to be useful, as they made me think about all different scenarios of labour and what I would like in each circumstance.

Friends I know who have gone in blind without having thought about anything found the whole thing more traumatic than I did.

I dislike the way women are sneered at and belittled for wanting to have a 'good' birth that reflects their wishes. There are plenty of births out there that do go to plan - look at all the positive birth stories on YouTube. Lots don't, of course, but the idea that all women end up screaming uncontrollably for pain relief or being rushed into surgery is false.

I also suspect that obstetricians are more cynical about birth plans/preferences because they only see the cases where their intervention is needed. Midwives, who see a broader range of straightforward births at home and in birth centres, who are present where births do go smoothly and in line with the mother's wishes probably recognise the benefits of drawing up a set of preferences.

I think the problems come when one is too attached to a particular outcome and is unable to adapt when the birth doesn't adhere to the ideal.

Oh yeah, I think birth plans (preferences) were discussed at my 36 week appt.

To be honest I can't see the point, especially with your first as you won't know what to expect. Plus you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you have your heart set on a particular type of birth.

Agree with others, don't bother with a birth plan, they just set women up for failure and disappointment. Childbirth has a life of it's own and will take any direction it wants.

The amount of thought and planning you put into your birth plan appears to be inversely correlated with the likelihood of it actually happening!

Have a rough idea of what you want and then just go with the flow

Yes go with the flow. I was worried about how i would handle the pain so was open to any pain relief going. I didn’t harbour any notions about a birthing pool or natural child birth.

In the end I had a very long labour, spent some time in the birthing pool which I loved as it allowed me to get more comfortable and helped take the edge off the pain which was nowhere near as bad as I had imagined. I had to come out so didn’t actually give birth in the pool but giving birth was a positive experience. I would also opt to have a student midwife if that is an option as they give you more time and attention.

I would read up on the birth stages, coping techniques and the various pain relief options and things like induction, assisted delivery, c section etc. Just so you know what kind of things can happen.
You can plan the birth, but your baby and your uterus may have an entirely different plan!
My first baby was going to be an all natural affair. 48 hour labour, all the drugs, forceps.

So I thought ok, I am wiser now second time around. Second birth plan included details of when I wanted epidural etc.
Baby arrives in 45 minutes on the side of an A road.

So if I had a third, which I won’t, my birth plan would be have a hopefully healthy baby!