Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I had a third degree tear with DC1 after pushing for a good couple of hours. This was after the episiotomy (and because DC was born with her fist clenched to her cheek - ouch). Stitched in surgery with an epidural. That annoyed me as I’d done the birth with only gas and air. Then I had a right game with the catheter. So I wasn’t out of bed til 36 hrs after surgery.
Whilst pregnant with DC2 I was given an endoanal scan to access the likelihood of incontience. It was deemed to be a low risk despite the previous tear so I opted for a natural delivery again. That time round, I was more in tune with my body (not sure how or why) and the delivery was easier. I knew what I had to do and I chose my positions, used gravity etc and actually seemed to zone out of everything apart from the job in hand. I needed stitches again (first degree) but they were done in delivery suite. She was born at just after 8pm and I was home the next morning (after staying just off the ward in a parental suite as I wasn’t deemed to need any real medical care but too late to send me home that night).
When having DC3&4 as I had been told the risk of incontinence was greater again, I opted for csections. The actual surgeries were a breeze (compared to friends who had emergency sections). Well “breeze” is a bit over exaggerating. In one of them, I went into shock for a little while so surgery stopped whilst they got me stable again. And with the other one, the midwife (who was new to the hospital but not the profession) kept the baby in surgery with my husband holding her whereas with the previous one, after I’d had a cuddle etc, had been taken out to be warmed up (theatres first thing in the morning can be VERY cold) so this resulted in baby being cold and put into special care for the day to warm her up.
But overall the experiences were ok. Again problems with the catheters but I think that’s specific to me.
Obviously sections are major ops so recovery was 6 weeks and whilst not having the problems sitting down like after the third degree tear, there were difficulties in standing up/laughing/sneezing and going for a poo for a good week or more.
So after all that waffle on balance, my second delivery was the best and my two sections were better deliveries albeit slightly complicated by the cold baby in one and my shock in the other. And both the first delivery and two sections caused me catheter and “getting out of bed” issues for more than a day afterwards!
Speak to your midwife! Let them help and guide you! And ask about someone going through your delivery notes with you. That can help you understand what happened and why and may help you form any decisions/take some of the fear away.
Good luck!