thought i'd be happy about ELCS but now feeling a bit disappointed

[Bells3032]

I'm finding my own feelings very weird at the moment. I've always been a very logical and not particularly sentimental person - I've never been one of those people who feels the need to do things "the natural way" - always been the "give me every painkiller in labour" type.

I've always known I'm likely to have a ELCS due to muscular issues and had been told at the end of the day it was my decision and had been stressing about making that decision. However, being diagnosed with a pretty severe case of GD has pushed it over the edge and my doctor has recommended a CS.

At first I was really relieved a decision had been made but now I feel a bit disappointed I'll never get to experience a vaginal delivery. I don't know where these feelings are coming from. I am not afraid of the surgery or recovery or anything.

Just feel like I will be missing out but then it's not exactly a fun experience to miss out on.

I don't get why I am feeling this way...can anyone relate?

Feelings around childbirth can be complicated and not necessarily logical! Not helped, I don't think, by this idea that's pushed about natural drug-few vaginal births being the holy grail. You're making the choice that's safest for you and your baby, what better start to being a mum than that!

I had those feelings after my first birth (ELCS for tokophobia). Still didn't want to have a vaginal birth, but felt i couldn't relate to the experience most other women have of birth. Just had my second ELCS a month ago - this time started getting contractions 36 hours prior to the surgery, with 24 hours of that being with DS laying back to back. Absolute agony, plus the horrific experience of an internal examination in triage that had me screaming and sobbing in pain, and feeling violated. That was enough of a "taster" for me, and I was just so happy to be given my CS with all the lovely, kind theatre staff that I have not had any repeat feelings this time around.

I had a. EMCS under GA after a really traumatic labour, followed by 2 ELCS. I thought I would feel the same as you, I really wanted VB, but all three were such positive experiences. I had supportive DH & family, & I recovered really well. I really hope you have the same experience as me - and can see the positives 😊

It's just the door closing. It's the same when you find out the baby is a boy or a girl, regardless of you having no preference, there's the odd feeling of a certain experience or path closing to you. I think you also sublimate any nerves about the whole thing into a worry that you're somehow getting it wrong and that's normal for all parenting decisions.

I had a v long labour and pushed for hours and then had a crash CS. There was a peculiar guilt I felt at the time despite having laboured for 2 days and torn muscles trying to deliver DD. That I somehow hadn't done things properly. It took a while to unpick but really, it was just part of the pressure we put on ourselves to perform.

It will pass I'm entirely sure. Just give it some time. Perhaps focus on what will happen and planning for the day so that you're prepping for what will happen not worrying about what can't.

I get it - I had an ELCS as DD would not have survived labour, so there wasn't much of a choice! I've lived in places where health care is very poor, and met (too many) women who've lost children they wouldn't have lost in the UK, some due to not having access to a C-section. And yet still a small part of me was sad to 'miss out' on a 'normal' delivery - it probably didn't help that my local hospital had a brand new midwife-led unit, and there were pictures of it in the maternity hospital which I got to see plenty of in the lead up to DD's birth (I was hospitalised but mobile).

However once DD was born, those feelings completely disappeared, so hopefully they won't trouble you for much longer.

@ShowOfHands you've put it all so well.

I've had what was classed as a normal, straight forward vaginal delivery, but I ended up with a prolapse. I had an ELCS 6 weeks ago. Believe it or not, the ELCS was a piece of piss in comparison. Recovery was a breeze.

Youre at such a strange, vulnerable time in your life, in so many ways. It's really, really normal to quite obsessively turn over the "what ifs" and "should Is" in our minds.
I honestly promise you that when you wave your child off at the school gate, the furthest thing from your mind will be how you birthed that LO.
I remember being obsessed with what births I'd have, making birth plans, whether I'd breastfeed etc. All consuming at the time.
I promise you, this is one small step in the "journey" of motherhood, and it will fade into insignificance after a while.
The only thing that ever matters is doing right by yourself and your child. In any context.
I know so many women who've had brilliant caesareans and others (myself included) who've had an absolutely fucked up vaginal birth with resulting injuries.
That's not an experience you should worry about missing out on, I can categorically assure you.
So easy to say, but do try not to tie yourself in knots. Do what's best for you. Its a good mindset to get into from the start tbh!
A birth is a birth however it happens. One birth is not superior to another.
Many congratulations on your pregnancy

With my first child I had an elective section due to a back problem, and had zero regrets.

With my second I was torn between a VBAC and another section, but I had said if I went into labour naturally I would try for a VBAC, but at no point was I anti-section.

As it turned out I went into labour at 38+4 and after failure to progress I ended up with a section at 39 weeks.

I have tortured myself with what ifs since then. I feel so upset that I didn't achieve a vaginal delivery.

My rational mind knows that it doesn't matter at all, I have a healthy baby, and am recovering well. Yet the rest of me is so disappointed, and I can't explain why.

As others have said in response to your post I can only assume these feelings will pass in time, but I can understand how you're feeling.

If I'd have had my time again, I would have had elective caesarians, hands down! (It was an option to me where I was).

As it was I had two 'normal' deliveries, 12 and 16 hours apiece, failed epidural for the first, on the verge of a crash section on the second (no further than the obstetrician calling for the anaesthetist, more 'just-in-case, really, as it was a private hospital without the facilities to cope with the 'things have gone really wrong' scenario).

Both my babies were fairly big, 8+ lbs, but not huge, but here I am aged almost 60 with stress incontinence along with practically all my friends, a couple also having had prolapses, and, I don't care what anyone says, but your fanjo is never the same again 😂

I'll never know if I'd have had electives if it all would have been 'easier' in the same way many will never know how a VB would have gone; but the odds of a VB going tits up are way higher, and you also, with an elective don't spend any time thinking you're going to die of pain, then wishing you could....

My 'normal' childbirths were honestly the most traumatic experiences of my life!

I felt exactly the same as you. I even felt disappointed I wouldn’t feel what labour was like. Well I went into labour early, and I’m so glad I didn’t have to wait long for the c-section!! The section was the most magical experience I have ever had. It was amazing! I was up very quickly after and had minimal pain. Had stopped meds by day three. I kept very quiet when my friends were talking about their soreness and prolapses! In a few weeks after the birth, nobody cares and you won’t think about it any more. A healthy baby is the aim and it makes no difference how it comes out!

Thank you all for your comments. Hopefully those feelings will just disappear once the hormones are out of my system and the baby is in my arms x