Surprise birth debrief - tomorrow - what do I need to think about?

[Panda368]

I’m currently 38 weeks with no 2 so this will be a last min review of my notes from no1 which was 3 years ago.

I asked for one pretty much straight after he was born and got fobbed off and didn’t follow up because I ended up eyeball deep in PPA/PPD and joust couldn’t be bothered.

When I hit about 30 weeks this pregnancy I realised how not over my first birth I am, I started getting anxiety and flashbacks again. Told my midwife who gave me numbers to self refer for counselling and tried to arrange a proper debrief which hasn’t happened. The counselling has been good though.

She has chased up for the debrief for me several times but not had any luck so she has text me tonight to ask me to come in tomorrow morning and she will sit with me and go through the notes herself.

My birth wasn’t a shocking car crash c section or anything but the last hour or so left me feeling like I had been assaulted. He was delivered partially by ventouse after having some heart decelerations. I felt like I was being pinned down during this - nothing was explained and it was basically horrible.

I now don’t know what I want to be asking and am currently freaking out. I feel like I’m going to be up half the night reliving those moments, but a big part of me also really wants to get this put to bed before no 2 arrives.

Sorry to hear you felt like this last time. I had a birth debrief after my first as I felt similar to you during the third stage/having repairs to tears. The notes didn’t really give the midwife doing the debrief an indication of how bad it was, so it was mostly me asking questions like why did x happen, why did I feel y etc. It was only 3 months after the birth and I had no plans to have another baby at the time (now pregnant again!) but she also went through things that could be done in another labour to minimise the risks of such things happening again.

Hi OP, your birth story sounds similar to mine. I would love to have had a debrief but they don’t do them in this country and my medical notes are scant and useless. I had ventouse and it was the lack of control and fear that really traumatised me - I was treated like I wasn’t there, like I was just an inconvenient obstacle for the dr.

As such, I can’t contribute re: the debrief. However, I’m currently sat here feeding my week old DS2 and the birth was absolutely amazing. This time I had a midwife who listened to me and made me feel safe and comforted all the way through. She took account of what had happened to me before and helped me get through the birth without being scared. It was even good fun in places! I’m shocked at how much of a difference it made to the way I’ve started motherhood. Like you, last time I’m pretty sure I suffered from PPA (and possibly a bit of PTSD). This time has been calm and lovely. I feel relaxed and confident.

It sounds like your healthcare providers are trying to support you through this. I hope that’s the case, and I hope you have a much better birth experience this time round as a result. I just wanted to let you know that it can be better - I would never have believed it but it’s true.

Best of luck