38 weeks and anxious about leaving DD whilst in labour

[Mummyof287]

I'm 38 wks 3 days pregnant with 2nd baby so she could technically arrive at anytime. We have planned for DH's parents to come and look after DD whilst we are at the hospital which I'm okay with for the daytime, but feeling uneasy about them caring for her overnight as she has never been left at night before even at home, they aren't particularly hands on/involved/close to her and have never looked after her before.I was debating on possibly having a homebirth if need be to make childcare arrangements easier and not have to be away from DD for too long, but typically I've got polyhydramonis (excess fluid) and Group B strep, so have been advised against having a home birth now and to get to hospital sooner rather than later.
I've been feeling quite low, emotional and anxious these last few days (probably hormones and broken nights sleep each night aren't helping)
My little girl has had a nasty cold this week, and whilst she doesn't always sleep through the night anyway she has been up more than usual calling out upset for me needing cuddles, attention, drink/pullup change etc wanting to come in the bed with me etc, and its making me really panic about the possibility of leaving her during the night and her getting distressed and her grandparents struggling to cope...Obviously at night times young children can need more emotional support than daytime,and I see it as a very personal time where they need that closeness to their main caregivers, snuggling in bed etc.
At the moment I am just hoping and praying the time I need to be in hospital on the delivery suite/giving birth won't be during the night, but obviously there are no guarantees and short of me requesting a planned c-section/DH missing the birth/me give birth at home if needed against advice, all of which are far from ideal, I don't see a way around things.
Feeling trapped between a rock and a hard place wanting to do the best for us all and not knowing how :( please reassure me!

When I had my second , his grandad came and looked after him. He's 3 and all grandparents live 4 hours away so he doesn't see them all that often.

We'd never left him overnight and granddad had only looked after him for short periods

I went into labour at 11pm so he was asleep and was a little confused when he got up that we weren't there but he had a lovely day with his grandad

We don’t have any family near enough or capable enough to do overnights so I’ll be going in on my own and DH will be at home with DC.

If it looks like the actual birth will happen during the daytime, we’ve got a babysitter who can come so he can go to hospital but otherwise I’ll be doing it without him (but with extra midwife support which is going to be FAR more useful anyway!)

Is that an option for you?

Probably too late now to do it much but I’d have deliberately got DD to spend more time with GP in the run up to get her more used to them, including leaving her with them for an hour or two - she will then know that even if you leave her, you will be back.

How old is DD OP? Honestly i wouldn’t worry, it’s one night, one night in the grand scheme of things is nothing!!
Once you’ve given birth DH will be able to come home, I’d honestly put it to the back of your mind.
We didn’t come up with a plan till about 2/3 days prior to when I was due to be induced… turned out my DD had other plans and came the same night we’d made the plans…. My DS went to sleep with us all there and I went into labour that night whilst he was asleep, she was born the next am and Hubbie picked him up from nursery. He was not phased one bit, he doesn’t even remember the morning of it just meeting his new sister.

Thanks for your replies! @SunndyDshe is 4 and a half, so old enough to understand to a certain extent what is going on, communicate her wants and needs etc...we actually planned the age gap partly due to not wanting to leave her too young when going to have baby.Its just all seeming abit real now and she still seems so young at times and we are very close.
@Sparechange appreciate everyone is different, but personally would be really upset if DH wasn't there to see baby enter the world and knowhe would be very upset if he missed out too...i just feel its not a moment you can ever get back and he is a very hands on and present dad who likes to be involved.
@AliMonkey we haven't really felt the need to get DD to spend more time with DH's parents as I know she will be fine in the day/evening...she is confident being left with people, so it's just the night time I'm worried about which we can't really practice anyway as it will be at ours and we don't have a spare room.
DH has been saying its only one night too, and even if it goes badly its unlikely anything would happen that is going to cause DD any long term emotional harm.
It's just really hard thinking about trusing someone with her overnight, especially as I'm feeling really hormonal and emotional at the moment.. just feeling like I want to hold her close and not let go!
Hopefully after some better night's sleep I might feel more rational and not overthink it all too much...I don't realistically think we have another option, so just got to come to terms with the plan and and hope for the best I guess x

I recently gave birth and we didn't have any family or friends willing to step up and help, so the situation we found ourselves facing was me birthing alone, and honestly the thought of it was the worst thing I could imagine in the world. I also had worries about the children being left with people they didn't know very well, so I had to suck it up and accept that was our situation. Birth centres are not accepting children in the buildings currently and high risk birth/consultant led care meant had to be a hospital.

What actually happened was we had to get the kids up and out of bed as the baby decided late at night was time, and we had a long drive to the hospital. We arrived and we all, kids included had to go up to the triage, and then my husband had to go back to the car with the kids to move it from the front of the building. What happened, was in the time it took my husband to move the car, get the baby's stuff and bring the kids back up to triage with him - less than half an hour, the baby had arrived. My husband would have missed the birth either way as it happened so quick, and the midwifes were very understanding of the childcare situation and were amazing looking after me knowing I was scared doing it alone. They let my husband and children in to the room afterwards to meet the baby and stay for a while. If it's a straightforward birth they do try and get you home asap, and after bloods had been taken and results back for the baby we were discharged less than two hours later - and went to a local birth centre for the newborn checks the next day.

So what I'm trying to say is what we imagine could happen is always worse in our heads, only one of all the things that could happen will, not all, and its so easy to worry about all of them. If your children end up there, it will be ok, and if you birth alone, it wont be as bad as you imagine. I wish you all the best, congratulations x

Hi @Mummyof287 I'm probably not much help as 36+2 and also the biggest thing I'm
Worrying about is leaving my little girl whose 15months. My best friend is going to have her and she sees her a fair amount but it's the first time we will of left her for potentially a long time my friend is the only person whose ever had her and only for an hour when I've gone for a scan. She sleeps through 8-8pm so I'm more concerned about the day I'm really hoping for an overnight labour then my husband can be back morning time . No advice really but both our children will be ok but it doesn't stop us worrying good luck for a quick smooth birth x

It'll be fine. When you're in the throes of labour it won't even enter your head to worry about her. I have a 4 year age gap, my parents looked after her over night (for the first time) when my labour started. They didn't announce anything until H got there to collect her the next day and he told her she had a sister. I was out the next day but only as I gave birth late on a Saturday. It would have been same day if it had been earlier in the day.

I felt the same as you OP. My eldest was only 20 months when DC2 was born and we had a childless male friend to look after her — the only person available! But baby was born early in the morning so DH was able to go home and be with her from breakfast time. Nature has a way of working things out.

@thruthe overnight labour is the dream !

I have very similar worries at the moment..I have a 21 mth old daughter who still doesn’t sleep through and cosleeps with me half the night! I also wanted a home birth but have group b strep so need the antibiotics...it’s stressful isn’t it!

The thing is that with covid restrictions your husband may likely have to leave after the birth (depending on the rules at your hospital) so he will then be back with your daughter, hopefully she’ll just be with grandparents during the labour. They tend to adapt to different people easier than we think they will but I know it’s not nice and was the reason I wanted to stay at home. Good luck and fingers crossed for a speedy return home from hospital! My midwife says they will monitor baby for 12 hours due to GBS so hopefully if you give birth in the early morning you could get home the same day if there’s no other issue.

Wow @pseudocrem that sounds hectic! Thanks everyone for your reassuring words and, and @Roo0987 @mrssunshinexxx best of luck to you both too with your births and hope your little ones do OK! 🤞

She’ll be fine. DH’s parents might not win any childcare awards but I’m sure they’ll do an adequate job of looking after her, after all they had small children once upon a time! Try to relax.