Things you wish your midwife had done for you in labour?

[Wavypurple]

I know that the title is quite broad, sorry! I start a new job soon as a maternity HCA. I’ve worked as an HCA for a few years but never in a labour ward.

I’m not a qualified midwife as mentioned so will just be doing the standard jobs (blood pressure etc.) which usually leaves me with some time to speak to/comfort patients and do nicer things for them than just the clinical stuff.

Is there anything you would’ve really appreciated when you were in labour? Anything you would’ve liked someone to say to you?

Sorry if this post if a bit vague, I don’t have kids myself and I’ve never worked in this environment before so I want to do my best for these women.

Thank you in advance!

I wish mine had listened to me, as a mum of 2 then to be 3 they fobbed me off a lot. Then I ended up having a very fast traumatic birth then baby was taken to nicu. In the morning after he’d been taken I asked to go down to see him & was very abruptly told there was no one to take me and I’d have to wait. I ended up taking myself and was v upsetting. A kind word and reassurance that someone would come and take me to my sick not even 12 hour old baby would’ve be nice.

Then with ds4, same thing. Was induced. Which didn’t work. Got option to go home, wish I had then went into Labour - had walked miles that day to get things moving. Midwife was very abrupt and short with me. I was uncomfy to begin with then I said I think baby is coming, was fobbed off and given paracetamol and told to go to sleep. Lady in next bed was complaining of pain in her side and got heat packs extra pillows etc (fair enough) but totally pampered and she was a cow to me. Lights dimmed was just myself and lady in next bed. I was very very uncomfy called midwife back and she gave me an anti sickness jab - didn’t feel sick. Was told again to just get some sleep.
Then things ramped up and i couldn’t reach the call buzzer. The lovely lady in the next bed asked if I wanted her to call them so she did. Baby was born 5/10 mins later. Flat on back in bed with tonnes of people in room and flapping about. They didn’t even tell me if he was a boy or girl for ages. I just felt invisible. Wasn’t a nice experience, even the lady in the next bed said that they’d fobbed me off and she cried when baby was born she was lovely. I just feel that by baby no4 if you tell someone baby is coming it’s because it’s coming, not because you’ve got wind or are trying to interrupt their break or an inconvenience which is what I felt. You sound fab op, hope your job goes well and you’re a support for lots of mums.

Not a labour one but with all four of mine there were rules and systems in place on the post natal ward.
Things like where to put dirty nappies, where to get clean cot sheets, the fact you weren't supposed to carry the baby around but wheel them in the cot and so many others.

Nobody ever explained them but loads of HCA told women off including me for unknowingly breaking them or not doing something correctly some were really unpleasant with it too.

Not been a twat and called the Dr earlier because he was actually competent.

First baby- told me to push, I was fully dial ayes but didn’t get that urge to push and so was just sort of left, too worried to push. It ended up a forceps birth but before that the doctor tried to extract the baby with a ventouse extracted with no pain relief- I still have nightmares about the pain it was like a torture chamber.
Second child some years later baby stuck at similar stage in labour and more mature midwife encouraged me to push and baby turned up without any problems.

Believed me when I said I was having contractions. Not one but two midwives didn't do anything

@Gorl

I had amazing midwives. The thing that I most appreciated was how well-informed I was the whole time. My birth really didn’t go to plan (failed induction, c-section, massive haemorrhage) but it still wasn’t a bad experience overall because my midwives did such a good job of explaining to me what was going on the whole time.

Sorry but that's basic duty of care not something special or amazing.

The fact that HCPs fulfilling their basic duty of care is so unusual that people feel something amazing has happened is thoroughly depressing.

Nobody on this thread is asking for more than the basic duty of care.

Another thread filled with clinical negligence from our scandalous NHS.

Turned up to my planned home birth when I asked them to, rather than waiting until I had contractions every 5 minutes, by which time it was too late and I had to make a mad dash to the hospital.

I had a really rough time, I remember one who stayed on with us, ran me a bath, generally just looked after me with pure kindness, communicated on my behalf because I was getting so frustrated and scared, my partner was getting stressed and had to ring for another family member, I was under a lot of pain relief and was some where else I don’t remember how I got there and she went home, but I do wish the midwives and consultants listened when I told them my epidural hadn’t worked about 100000000 times, they rushed me to theatre and when I turned the air blue they knew then it hadn’t worked as they were trying to get me the baby out as they could no longer find a heart beat whilst trying to knock me out at the same time. The lovely HCP actually 2 of them came to the ward and SCBU and checked on us throughout our stay. I took them back a card and some chocolates.

Listened. I didn't want to deliver twins naturally I wanted a section. I suffered for years afterwards because NO ONE took my opinion into account . I rather have suffered for six weeks than ten years thanks.

There was one midwife that would t stop chit chatting with me. I DID NOT WANT TO TALK.

My mid-wife team at the hospital were wonderful, stayed with me for 40 hours, did everything they could and delivered my ds pink, safe and yowling after a long slow struggle, then helped me back onto my feet over three days.

The community mid-wife on the other hand was bullying, dismissive, didn't listen and invoked absolutely no trust or confidence whatsoever. In the end my dp told her to go away and not come back.

My midwives in labour were AMAZING!

However, the not in labour part...I know its not what you asked for but maybe this could be shared with triage midwives and those on the wards

I had hyperemesis and was hospitalised more times than I can count.
It got to a point where I tested my own urine and called triage when I was 3+ ketones. Some midwives were what seemed unknowledgable of hypermesis and some brushed me off like it was nothing.

At 34 weeks pregnant, i rang triage and told them my ketone levels, and the midwife asked me if I had taken ginger biscuits to help combat my MORNING SICKNESS and if I could manage it at home by nibbling on them. Safe to say I lost my shit 😁

HCAs aren’t involved in labour. occasionally if the ward is short staffed you could be asked to chaperone for vaginal examinations etc but that’s about it

Oh little thing I've remembered:
Gave birth very early morning. Was told baby's foreskin was very tight and he might have trouble urinating. Around 7am, someone (nurse?) was around my bed and I was changing baby on the bed (maybe I should have changed him in his ctob thing but it was very high and awkward. Anyway, as boys do, he weed everywhere. 'Oooh that's great. He can wee ok' she said, and walked off. I kept expecting someone to come with clean sheets, but they never came. So I whipped off the most soaked sheet and put it on the floor and slept another night in wee and blood soaked sheets. I'm sure I should have asked for a change of sheets but I'm very shy and just assumed that bedding would be changed after a night and day of someone who's bleeding heavily being in them after just giving birth.

Listen. Wan may be first time mums but that doesn't mean they don't know what is going on with their bodies. It is called mothers instinct for a reason and by God it seems to just appear when a woman is pregnant.

I am sure you will be grand. The fact you are asking shows you are a kind considerate HCP and we need more of those.

Not blaming me for not telling them I was labouring prematurely would have been nice.

I was only at 28 weeks.
I actually hardly showed, I was so slim.
I had arrived in an ambulance called by my totally panicked boyfriend.
I had been admitted to a single room and then left alone for quite a long time- hours not minutes, but I don’t really know.
No one had examined me.
A very young student midwife had come in once and asked if I was alright as she was busy and the only one there. She told me she was a student and no one else was there. Then a long time passed.

Then suddenly there were several people in the room, all agitated, and a woman in white ranted angrily ‘Why didn’t you tell us you were only 28 weeks, we could have stopped it! Now it’s too late.’

So apparently it’s my fault and the above points count for nothing?

I admitted myself to this room? On a stretcher?While hardly looking pregnant, and totally frantic it was much too soon?

I didn’t know what to say. I was so confused and alone.

Someone who actually listened to me and believed in me. As it was I was dismissed and ignored, birthing my baby minutes later.
Also someone who actually came back with a jug of water/medicine/whatever.
I used to be a MW, currently moving into health visiting so I do understand the pressures, believe me. My experience last year was unacceptable in many ways though.

The HCAs at my hospital were awesome. The most memorable thing one of them said was how are you feeling (with an emphasis on the word 'you'). She said she cared about mental health as much as physical and it made me open up about my fears of being a mum having
Recently lost my own mum.

I think if you can see each person as an individual / family in their own right and remember that, although Happy, they will most likely be a bit worried and overwhelmed you won't go far wrong. Compassion goes a very long way in that kind of environment.

You sound lovely, I'm sure you'll smash it!

And then they took my baby to Special Care and me to the maternity wards. Lunchtime or a bit later. I slept on and off.

NO WORD AS TO WHETHER MY BABY WAS ALIVE OR DEAD.
Next morning the other three mums on the ward were whispering outside the curtain.
One asked kindly how my baby was. I didn’t know and there was no one to ask.
I tried to get up but my bed was all blood stained and I didn’t have a clean nightie or anything.
A really angry woman changed the sheets while telling me off. She was awful to me. I hadn’t even realised I was bleeding.

Still no news. By mid-morning I was crying.
One of the mums rang her bell and pointed out to the nurse who came that I was crying.
The nurse who came asked me if I wanted to talk. I said I wanted to know if the baby was alive and if I could see her.
She didn’t know but said she’d find out.
She came back quite quickly and said the baby was okay and I could be taken to see her.
She got a wheelchair and took me. I wasn’t allowed to walk, and it turned out to be quite a long way.
When we got to Special Care the staff there explained they had thought I didn’t want to see the baby as SHE WAS GOING TO BE ADOPTED. Wtf.

However they did accept my bewildered insistence that I had never never said any such thing.

I would have liked the midwife who 'looked after' me when DD was born to have had an ounce of kindness or humanity in her, sadly she didn't. I would have liked her not to have insisted on running me a bath when I was clearly ready to push and not to have disappeared for 45 minutes to do so, and not to have shouted at me for not being undressed when she eventually returned because I was in too much pain to move.

I would have liked her not to have told me it would be my fault if DD died because I wasn't pushing hard enough and I would have liked to have been told DD was back to back either during delivery or even afterwards because then I would have understood why it all went so wrong and not blamed myself. I also would have liked her to let me have some pain relief when I'd been begging for two hours so I wouldn't have had to face a forceps delivery, 3rd degree tear and episiotomy on two paracetamol taken before I left home. I remember thinking while they were giving me a spinal to stitch me up afterwards that they might as well not bother at that point, I also remember crying because the anaesthetist was kind to me and he was the first person in the place who actually was.

So yeah, be kind, listen and don't dismiss or think 'you know best'. Treat women like human beings who matter as much as their babies.

Listened to me.

I was very clear in my birth plan and in person when I was admitted in labour that I did not want to be touched or have my handled or have someone come and wrap an arm around me. When I'm in any kind of pain, I hate being touched. So I was in labour and my mum and partner were there being supportive, but weren't holding me. The midwife came in, looked at them, looked at me in a contraction and then came over, wrapped her arm around me and squeezed my hand. I could have bloody killed her. It made me panic, I couldn't get up and get away so I was contracting, in pain and trying to lean away from her really tight grip.

I know it was odd. But it was my labour and my body and that's just how I am. She should have listened.

So yeah... listen to the women. Even if you think they should do it another way, dont take over and force it on them.

• Come into the room when the monitoring belt slips and the alarms go off, even if it happens more than once. If you doesn't come for the "baby in distress" alarm why are we bothering with an alarm system?
• Read the paperwork about how the woman was already booked in for a c-section for medical reasons, agreed by the consultant at that hospital and then put them directly in the queue for a c-section once a theatre becomes available rather than deciding arbitrarily to "give them a chance at pushing" (counter to medical advice and their clearly expressed wishes).
• Give pain relief when asked, not play stupid games about it

Just doing the job she was paid for would have been nice. I rarely saw her throughout the 20 odd hours I was in labour in excruciating pain with wall to wall contractions throughout. She didn't check in on me to see how much pain I was in or help me. I was in an abusive relationship & ex took the call button away from me & the gas & air.

Midwives need to regularly check & use their own judgement rather than assume a woman with a companion is being supported. Still the worst day of my life ever & if death was an option I'd have taken it. 25 years later I still stand by that!

Listened to me. Like so many above (& I’m sure it’s just the minority of us who experienced such awful things as a result of nobody listening) but really - sometimes the woman giving birth does know if there is something wrong.

If it hadn’t have been for a consultant wandering in in when I was minutes from dying (& my baby too) with my womb about to rupture as a result of being given what was effectively an overdose of oxytocin then things would have worked out very differently.

I’d been telling the HCPs in the room for half an hour that something was very wrong, I wish there had been someone who had listened (not in the UK btw as living abroad at the time, so no blame on the NHS, my second birth in England was a breeze in comparison). They saved my life and the outcome was positive but the near death experience and the life long physical damage to me could have easily been avoided..