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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Things you wish your midwife had done for you in labour?

76 replies

Wavypurple · 21/09/2021 07:54

I know that the title is quite broad, sorry! I start a new job soon as a maternity HCA. I’ve worked as an HCA for a few years but never in a labour ward.

I’m not a qualified midwife as mentioned so will just be doing the standard jobs (blood pressure etc.) which usually leaves me with some time to speak to/comfort patients and do nicer things for them than just the clinical stuff.

Is there anything you would’ve really appreciated when you were in labour? Anything you would’ve liked someone to say to you?

Sorry if this post if a bit vague, I don’t have kids myself and I’ve never worked in this environment before so I want to do my best for these women.

Thank you in advance!

OP posts:
rosesandsalvia · 21/09/2021 07:58

I had a HCA who was amazing! To be honest in labour, just wanted to be left alone to get on with it, couldn't have told you who was in the room. Just after birth though she showed my husband how to change the nappy, clothe baby, showed me how to breast feed. She was only with us for maybe an hour after birth but so valuable whilst midwives were busy dealing with all the medical stuff.

Houseofvelour · 21/09/2021 08:03

I would've liked if my midwife listened to be when I said I was ready to push instead of leaving me for half an hour.
It's shocking how many midwives refuse to accept that we know our own bodies.

GinUnicorn · 21/09/2021 08:07

Listened to me. I was talked over any first pregnancy. Midwife was dismissive. She denied I was in active labour sent me home where I then had my baby less than and hour later. Actually spending time listening to me rather than acting superior and assuming she knew everything would have been a good start.

rhonddacynontaf · 21/09/2021 08:08

Told me my baby was back to back.

Orangedaisy · 21/09/2021 08:10

The support I had with breastfeeding from midwives was amazing. So not the labour bit but the part after. From reading on here I was extremely lucky.

Artus · 21/09/2021 08:15

Kindness, and listening.

AhhWoof · 21/09/2021 08:21

Help establishing breast feeding. My experienced midwife left straight after the birth and I had a student MW to help me. She was lovely but clueless, so was I, first baby, and I really think if I'd had good support to start I'd have got the knack. As it was I totally failed and lost all my confidence.

maz210 · 21/09/2021 08:22

The best midwife assistant I had told me repeatedly how well I was doing when pushing.

It was exactly the encouragement I needed at the time.

WartyToad · 21/09/2021 08:23

A time one of my midwives helped the most was holding my hands through a contraction when my dh was out of the room, I felt like I wasn't on my own with the nearly unbearable pain.

The hca washing me so kindly and with such care made me feel so much better and well cared for soon after my dc was born through a traumatic forceps delivery.

Hollyhead · 21/09/2021 08:25

Listened listened listened. Both my births suffered enormously because midwifes didn’t listen. Such as getting to the maternity suite saying I was pushing and being sent to try and give a urine sample in the loos instead Hmm DS2 was almost born in a loo quite unnecessarily.

Didyousaynutella · 21/09/2021 08:27

My hca told me off for not listening properly when trying my get baby to latch on. I had just been through a 26 hour Labour and been to theatre with a third degree tear. So showing patience. Also don’t ask people if they are sure if they want an epidural. They are sure. They don’t need to be made to feel bad about it.

Burgerqueenbee · 21/09/2021 08:32

After birth I wish I was told that I could press the bell if I needed a wee. My baby would cry if not held, and I didn't want to wake all the other ladies and babies up for a start. I was having mobility issues post birth so needed help getting up and I basically left it until I thought I might wet myself before I dared press it, and had tried to get out of bed myself and ended up stuck in a really awkward position.
Pressing the bell may have been a no brainer to most ladies but I have asd and was already overwhelmed by the entire experience. If there wasn't covid then my husband could have stayed and it wouldn't have been an issue.

Helporhindrance07 · 21/09/2021 08:35

Not during the labour itself but a HCA took the time to help me settle baby during my second night in hospital and helped me with baby’s latch. She was so kind and positive it really helped me when I was so tired and stressed.

pinknsparkly · 21/09/2021 08:39

100% agree with after care for the dads. My husband (first time dad) was handed our daughter, three syringes of colostrum and left in the birthing suite alone with a brand new baby for over 2 hours (he'd never even held a baby before) while I was whisked off to surgery. He was petrified and it took him 30 min to feed her 3ml drop by drop as he was so terrified of hurting her. He didn't move a muscle or reposition himself in the time as he thought he'd drop her. A 2 minute explanation would have hugely helped him. I totally get that the dad isn't the patient, but baby is. And he was helping care for the baby! Otherwise though, assistance with breastfeeding and latching after the birth. I actually opted to stay the night to get the extra help as we were struggling (and it was peak covid so I knew if I didn't get help in hospital I wouldn't be getting any face to face help!) and the HCAs were brilliant. I would say though that they all have slightly different advice. My husband was the one who told me to listen to it all and choose what worked for me. But that's worth keeping in mind. For me, as a new mum, I felt I had to do everything exactly as the last healthcare professional that I'd seen told me, and that if it didn't work for me then the failure was on my part. So reassuring mum's of that too (to pick what works for you and baby) would also be helpful.

You sound lovely, and I'm sure you'll be amazing!

RoseGoldGlasses · 21/09/2021 08:41

My HCA was amazing, she was my hand hold after birth. Kept checking we were ok, had enough painkillers, helped me to the toilet.
Showed me different ways of burping baby which was the technique I used when once home.
Brought me tea and toast 😍😍😍

FindingMeno · 21/09/2021 08:45

Warned me that consenting to a digital examination after my waters had broken, put me on the clock and ultimately meant a c section that I'll never know if I'd have avoided given more time.

Paid more attention to how I was after my second baby rather than leaving me to get on with it because I knew the ropes.

IdrisElbow · 21/09/2021 08:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BiBabbles · 21/09/2021 08:47

Most of these are things a HCP did do:

During my last labour, my reheatable heating pad broke and my midwife made some sort of makeshift one and held in on my lower back for me -- not entirely sure how she made it, but it was great. Also talking through my birth plan and not dismissing my fears, but not making a big deal about them either (my birth plan for that one was basically I'm scared, I'm disabled, here's what helps me).

In the time before that, I had a HCA on the high dependency post-natal ward who was very kind about holding my fussy DD while I showered as I was really struggling. Another heath care professional helped move the tub bassinet closer to me and helped me pick her up as I had so many tubes in my arm that it was hard to move. It would have been nice if I'd had more help with water/food on that one.

In that one, I'd had to have a manual placental removal which is why I was on the high dependency ward, and the nicest person - not sure if she was a HCA or nurse - just held my hand and talked to me on the way to the OR and explained why my leg was wouldn't stop shaking and what was going on with my body and the procedure ahead. I don't even remember the explanation now, but I was so grateful having someone talk to me like a person and explaining what was going on and asking about my baby. In that one, the midwife fucked up she yanked on the cord repeatedly, my placenta tore, she then blamed it on me and my 'low iron' and I'd spent the last however long basically be talked over and about without my input -- that bit of niceness made me cry and still brings tears to my eyes.

I found it really helpful in my second labour just having someone talking with me after I gave birth. They helped me get cleaned up and then talked to me while filling in paperwork.

In my first labour, I had a midwife walk out on me twice, once when I threw up when I could have really used some help (told me she'd be back after I changed), another during the placenta delivery that took too long (literally threw off her gloves and stormed out). The latter came back with someone else not sure what kind of HCP she was and while the midwife kinda went on about how I wasn't a priority for the OR which was apparently very busy (there was nothing concerning yet other than it had now been over an hour), the other held my hand and was just very nice while I dealt with more awful contractions trying to get that out. I do wish that someone had discussed that with me afterwards, I never actually saw the placenta and didn't know that what happened was a possibility - I knew placentas could be an issue, but not like that -- and it wasn't until my fourth where I'd had the third stage injection delayed and so had more HCPs involved that I had someone discuss that I had an enlarged placenta (she remarked it was very enlarged, it was took big for the normal bag and had to sit on the table for a few minutes - it took up the whole thing) and that it was possible that I had that in the previous pregnancies where I had had problems passing the placenta (3 out of 4 deliveries, I had placenta issues).

Generally, I liked knowing what's going on/happened which some HCPs were better at than others, kindness, and sometimes some practical help.

KurtWilde · 21/09/2021 08:47

Been kind, listened, not told me my DS was a mistake because his dad had left me when I was pregnant, not left me for hours on end sat in a bed drenched in amniotic fluid, given me a drink of water when I asked (no medical reason not to). It's an extensive list.

Helenluvsrob · 21/09/2021 08:48

Dad after carer agreed .
I went to theatre. He was left alone with the baby got over an hour. He’d no idea what was going on with me and was catastrophising.

Was child 2 so he knew how to hold etc but that was not enough

Gorl · 21/09/2021 08:50

I had amazing midwives. The thing that I most appreciated was how well-informed I was the whole time. My birth really didn’t go to plan (failed induction, c-section, massive haemorrhage) but it still wasn’t a bad experience overall because my midwives did such a good job of explaining to me what was going on the whole time.

Iwantcauliflowercheese · 21/09/2021 09:05

I would have liked the option of more than just gas and air with a back to back delivery. My midwife was adamant that I didn't need any meaningful pain relief.

Skysblue · 21/09/2021 09:07

Told me when to push! Midwife arrived when I was clearly quite far into labour, but I’d heard it was important not to push too soon. An hr later she was clearly getting concerned and asked how hard I was pushing. I’d been waiting for someone to tell me when it was ok to push 🤦‍♀️

turnthebiglightoff · 21/09/2021 09:08

I agree re keeping you informed. I wasn't told until I started pushing that my baby was back to back, I'd been very very sick through my (50 hour!!) labour, and was screaming the place down with each contraction. If I had known, I would've been able to process it in my mind.

Also, after my forceps / episiotomy / 2 x 3rd degree tears labour (pushed for 3 hours.....) a midwife pushed my into a chair and pulled out my boob to get baby to feed. I asked her to leave and she laughed at me - the HCA who was also in the room grabbed her arm and said "it's time to go now". Amazing lady.

A HCA also noticed that I hadn't produced urine in 10 hours and my kidneys had failed. This was despite hourly midwife checks and speaking to a consultant, who also didn't notice!

FlumBuff · 21/09/2021 09:11

I wish the midwife had taken away the mouthpiece for the gas and air afterwards. With hind sight should have asked her to and not tried so hard with exDP until baby was 6 months old.