Emotional overload and missing pregnancy.

[Olivia199]

And so another rambling post from me!
I'm due my C-Section in just 2 days and until now have been completely unable to get my head around it. It has felt neither scary nor exciting because it didn't feel real!!
Well, tonight everything has well and truly hit me.
I feel about a million emotions. All fighting for top space!
I'm obviously beyond excited to meet my daughter. To be able to hold her little hand and cuddle her.
I am also absolutely heartbroken to be coming to the end of pregnancy. It has, by no means, been an easy pregnancy. I've had severe SPD for weeks now, I've not felt her move and had consistent monitoring since 35 weeks and after two big bleeds in the first trimester and a weird old mass in my womb that no one could identify... Well effectively it's been an anxious 9 months. And yet I have cherished every kick, every flutter, all her hiccups and just knowing that she is in there growing. I've loved my growing belly and the connection that we have right now.
I'm terrified too. Of the recovery, of whether she will arrive safely and be healthy, of whether I've done enough to keep her safe thus far and whether I can continue to do so.
I feel totally overwhelmed that tomorrow is a day just to relax, Thursday I'm doing my final big clean and changing bedding etc and then Friday my life changes forever and my daughter is born... like that isn't totally overwhelming at all!
Feel like my brain has almost procrastinated in processing each of these feelings and has instead left me to suddenly drown in them.
Equally, I was up all night feeling poorly last night, had a tiring day today up at the hospital being monitored and it's half past midnight. So acutely aware that some of this may well be overtiredness..
Not entirely sure of the point of this post or whether there is a question attached.
Maybe did anyone else feel totally beyond unstable in the days leading up to a section? Is this the normal end of pregnancy emotional roller coaster, hormone edition?
Can't seem to stop crying about the fact I feel like I haven't made the most of being pregnant with my first child and that I will never have this again and it's all over really soon!
I wished away days and weeks for so much of this. Desperate to get to the next "safe" time. 12 weeks, 16, 20.. everyone said it would go fast. Always felt like sniping back that it was the slowest bloody weeks of my life. And yet here I am. 38 weeks pregnant and hysterical over it ending. 🤣

Morning, hope you managed to get some rest.

Please be reassured this all sounds perfectly normal, there are some major hormone changes in the run up to giving birth. Even though your having a c-section your body is still gearing up for labour regardless. With those hormone changes comes some big emotions!

I hated every second of my first pregnancy, the sickness, tiredness, changes to body, everything .... and I still feel that way, it was a means to an end, I don't feel one ounce of guilt over that. It wasn't even that bad of a pregnancy compared to others, and definitely not "the worst" out of my own pregnancies. It was my first experience of being pregnant and my expectations were unrealistic. I went on to have 4 more children, each pregnancy has been different with various challenges along the way. But I've still never felt as I did during that first pregnancy.

I think what I'm trying to say in a rambling way, is that try not to be too hard on yourself. Pregnancy takes its toll both physically and mentally, it's difficult to fully cherish something that at times can make you feel so awful.

Honestly, you haven't done pregnancy wrong or taken it for granted or anything like that, this is a rush of hormones mixed with understandable excitement, fear and adrenaline.

Try to rest as much as you can today and wishing you a safe delivery for tomorrow and all the best with your beautiful little girl.