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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

planned CS- are you telling people the date?

22 replies

impossiblypossibly · 02/09/2021 17:18

For those who
are having a planned caesarean (or planned induction) on a specific date, are you telling people the date or keeping it private ?
I don't like fuss and like to keep everything low key with my pregnancy if I can, not keen on in laws/neighbours telling everyone about my obstetric history, gynaecology details etc!!Found out that i will probably need a csection. Will have to tell PIL the date as they will be doing school run for older child and looking after our dog whilst i'm in hospital, but don't want anyone else to know until a few days after baby safely home, so planning to keep it vague with everyone else.
how did you manage this?

OP posts:

yikesanotherbooboo · 02/09/2021 17:25

I would say that the day hasn't been firmed up yet. Keep it vague. I had a planned section, I felt an obligation to tell parents and pils, childminder knew as was taking DC to school and on standby to pick them up, DH had to request the day off work( pre paternity leave) so his boss knew. I don't remember anyone asking me when the baby was going to be born. I'd think that that was a rather odd and personal question. I also can't imagine what the interest would be to anyone other than the closest family.
Don't over think it... use similar wording to that you would use if you were expecting a natural start to labour.

Bells3032 · 02/09/2021 17:38

We are thinking about a planned section. We would tell the same people we were pregnant before the 12 weeks ie parents, siblings and my best friend ie the people we talk to pretty much every day

Timeforachangetoday12 · 02/09/2021 17:58

We told our immediate family (parents) I am medically high risk so wanted one of my parents at the hospital with us, in case they needed to understand my medical history urgently. They didn’t come into the room just at the hospital.
I didn’t tell anyone else, especially the second time as I wanted our daughter to know first even the sex! My MIL wasn’t even told when she picked her up from school for us until she knew!
Just gave us time to adjust and let people know. And I knew my wider family would be worried if they knew the date due to my history so we didn’t want to worry anyone.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 02/09/2021 18:03

This is likely to be us. We have an older child who’ll need care and no family nearby so we’ll be telling her minder and perhaps one or two back-up people. Everyone else really doesn’t need to know the ins and outs of us having a section/elective/whatever else.

Garman · 02/09/2021 18:07

We'll only be telling my mum the date for childcare and so she can travel to be here, will probably tell one friend who is like a sister to me. All inlaws will be told later that day or the next day probably.

mrssunshinexxx · 02/09/2021 18:25

@impossiblypossibly just don't tell anyone you are having a section. Sections always early so they be expecting you to of had baby til after your due date most likely anyway

MsChatterbox · 02/09/2021 18:45

I didn't tell anyone I was even having a section. We got massive uproar from in laws. Oh well. I was already anxious and knew it would be worse if people knew!

Arecklessmanor · 02/09/2021 22:05

I'm not telling anyone I'm having a C-section, I have the date already and it's months away. My family would be too intense.
DH or I will contact people afterwards when hopefully all has gone well.

Chameleon2021 · 02/09/2021 22:41

We havent had much choice as need childcare. I work at my daughters school and we all need to self isolate for 2 days before the op so I've also had to tell my colleagues that she won't be in.. So everybody knows 😂

CrasterKipper · 02/09/2021 22:46

We're only telling the family we are relying on for childcare. Same with the previous planned section. We were just vague with everyone else and said until about a week before that we didn't have a date yet and then said we it would be within the next couple of weeks. Most people didn't actually drill us on the actual date if I didn't offer it.

tofuschnitzel · 02/09/2021 23:02

For my C-section a few months ago, the consultant refused to book me in until a week before he wanted to perform the operation. Even though I am disabled and was pregnant with twins, so we knew from the start that I'd need a caesarean. Once we had a date, we only let immediate family know. I just didn't want the added pressure of everyone knowing. I felt nervous enough about it already. I know other consultants are happy to book C-sections months in advance, I don't know why mine was so difficult.

Amichelle84 · 03/09/2021 08:23

We're just telling PIL as they will have to drive up to take care of our toddler.

Other than that we aren't telling anyone.

I said to my family I won't be telling them the date as I still want them to have the surprise that we won't get.

They all said that's fair and they can't wait for the surprise.

Arecklessmanor · 03/09/2021 09:39

@MsChatterbox why do the in-laws even think it's any of their business?
It annoys me that any details to do with pregnancy are seen as public information.

If I went into labour I wouldn't be telling people either so why would I tell them my section date.
When my sister was in labour the family WhatsApp group was frankly ridiculous so I know I'm doing the right thing!

sarah13xx · 03/09/2021 12:40

Had mine at the start of the month and other than my partner not a soul knew! Its our first baby though so no need to arrange childcare etc. We do have a dog but I knew the rough timescales of how the day would go so knew when we phoned my parents to say he was born we could get them to go and let the dog out. Due to covid my partner wasn’t allowed to stay for many hours after he was born anyway so could go home for the dog after that. I tried not to even tell people out with my close friends that I was having a section. Like you, I didn’t feel it was anyone’s business to be discussing the inner workings of my uterus and whether a baby’s head was coming out my vagina or not 🙈 for some reason when you’re pregnant these things seem to be up for discussion and I’m not that type of person at all! I felt it definitely added something to the day when we were able to say he had arrived and most people didn’t suspect it. My parents knew I was having a section and knew it would be any day but the in laws didn’t so weren’t expecting it at all. I did have to palm off a few questions from them about the upcoming birth, what my birth plan was and whether I’d be getting an epidural or not. Again not anyone’s business if I was 🙈

Good luck! It was the best day of my life. So calm and pain-free 😊

sarah13xx · 03/09/2021 12:43

My go to line was ‘oh we’ll see’ whenever I was asked anything to do with the birth 😂 in other words.. not your business!

sarah13xx · 03/09/2021 12:45

@MsChatterbox

I didn't tell anyone I was even having a section. We got massive uproar from in laws. Oh well. I was already anxious and knew it would be worse if people knew!

This was totally me too! Didn’t want anyone’s opinions or horror stories on sections. Quite enjoyed that the weekend before it we just had a weekend to ourselves and no one else knew what was about to happen. I can think of nothing worse than feeling that anxious and having people messaging asking how I’m feeling and saying good luck etc

Ughmaybenot · 03/09/2021 12:49

We’re not telling anyone our c section date, not even my mum or DHs parents. We’ve just said it’s not been confirmed yet. I think it’ll be nicer to still have the ‘surprise’ call for them once baby is safely here, plus I’m not keen on how bustle-y the parents are likely to be, it’ll just make me nervous!
This is our first baby tho so the only thing we need to worry about is our dog, who will be looked after by my husbands best friend, but he works for us so will be here that day (and every other!) anyway.

LittleCatDog · 03/09/2021 13:50

I've told my parents as need them to look after my DS and told my best friend. DH told his work for paternity leave. I haven't told anyone else though, the consultant said the date can move and even on the day you might not get your slot if there are emergencies that take priority. I don't want the pressure of people asking. My DM has probably told half the phone book even though I asked her not to

User5827372728 · 03/09/2021 13:56

Meh I told people when I was in labour; Can easily choose not to read messages if you don’t want to.

Realistically people will care much less then you think and probs just asking to be polite and seem interested

User5827372728 · 03/09/2021 13:56

As if they didn’t ask there would be 100s of threads on here saying I can’t believe my PIL don’t care about me and my baby as they didn’t ask

Pikamoo · 03/09/2021 14:22

When I booked my induction for DD I told everyone who I'd updated after scans and other appointments so basically mine and DH's families. Nobody else asked so I just didn't offer the information. I think with a C-section it'll be even easier as everyone will be expecting you to go up to your due date. It was only around my due date that people started upping the intensity of questions! And even then they never asked outright "have you booked an induction" or anything like that.

MissSmith80 · 03/09/2021 17:36

I told people that I considered as 'needs to know,' my parents etc and then my waters went 2 weeks early so it ended up being a rapidly revised date. I'd keep it vague because you never know what might happen!

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