Hi Jo, Do you mind if i pop it on here. Would be interested to hear if others think i'm just being over sensitive. It was Friday just gone, and I'm still tearful thinking about it. Thank you. I'm cutting and pasting from my post on Nurturing birth.
Not sure where to start really. It's been an emotional journey
I supported my 20 yr old niece at the birth of her beautiful baby girl last year at 31 wks. Tragically, due to missed partial abruption, born asleep.
Expecting again, due Dec this year. D asked me again to be with her.
Had really difficult pg with uti's constantly,(turned out, bubs was lying on her urethra) phsycological issues about being pg again. Fear of baby dying in the womb, etc etc.
Consultant led care, attending hosp weekly from about wk 20, always knew would be induced at 38 wks at latest. So very managed pg from the word go. D seemed to find this reassuring so went with her.
Long 2 wk hospital stay from 36wks, to present day, (not sure why, D didn't really seem to know why either, except thet "Mr Daniels wants me here" (the man has become godlike by now)
Maybe I should say that i live a 5hr drive away from my niece and had to arrange care for my 5 when the time came, I had military procedures in place.)
Got the call, thurs morn, (29th Nov) Been induced had prostin at 7, no progress yet but would i come.
Organised kids, arrived at hosp at 8pm. Ten mins after I got there, contractions started. Every 5mins, lasting good 30/40 secs each.
Had bath, bit clary sage. Bounced around on ball.
D has amazingly high pain threshold and has never had pain relief before with prevous 2 births. By 10pm is asking for G&A. Spoke to mw, who said would ve before giving anything. D had another bath then went with mw
Came back, proclaiming 4cms and would provide g&a, and call delivery suite to tell em we on way soon.
D happy, cx well, every 3/4mins, strong, regular, using g&a happily.
Transferred to delivery, called partner, S to come meet us there.
1am in delivery, settled in, S had arrived, lights down, quiet. D doing own thing on ball, S behind her, holding hand, not talking
3 mv's come in, turn on lights, announce they have to put a line in," in case we need it later " D has a phobia about needles and has particulerly thin veins, have seen her veins collapse on more than one occasion.
Up onto bed, strapped onto monitor, where mw1 attempts to insert canula in rht wrist, fails, veins collapse. D getting very stressed. attempts to get into top of hand, D has to be held still by reluctant S. She cuddles into me while they do this. Fail.
Mw says she'll have to get someone more senior to do it, and goes off.
When they come back, I ask if it absolutely neccesary to put it in now, what is it for EXACTLY.
Yes they MUST put it in now, it's because of porevious abruption, in case they need iv access quickly. D agrees when it is put like this.
As they are talking to her at rht side, senior Mw, attempts 3 try on back of left hand with absolutely no warning, pushes needle into D's hand, she jumps, pulls arm away, vein balloons up and mw pulls it out quickly. Can't believe she did that. DID NOT get canula in. Immediately a bruise appears.
We'll have to get an anethatist(sp) to do it, they say off they go.
No surprise here. CX totally stopped.
D asks, can she get off bad, would like to use ball, "well if you must but it makes monitoring difficult and you must be constantly monitored"
We get her back onto ball, lights go back off and in hour or so, cx coming back albeit a bit irregular, they are nice and strong, going right to top of chart thingy! D becomes fixated with the sound of monitor, as she can hear baby's heartbeat and see strength of cx.
Monitor pad loses contact frequently cos of position on tummy, resulting in loss of hearing heartbeat, this is excedingly frustrating cos mw fiddles with it every time, moving D about to suit herself, talks aloud to herself about it being loss of contact etc. I know this means the pad contact, D does not. More stress, I explain to D what it means, she relaxes slightly.
Mw suggests D sit in rocking chair as this might help with being able to keep pads in place. We settle her in chair.
Still using g&a through cx as they are hurting and she's in alot of pain in her back. Is getting bit despondant about the pain, and is asking what else she can have. Mw says that they will ve in hour or so, and reasses (sp)
We use some clary sage on a tissue, mw disappears for a bit and me, D and S sit about. D is quiet now, breathing through cx with g&a. S in chair attempting to have little sleep, I sit on chair beside D.When mw leaves room, I turn down sound on monitor and turn it around so we cant see it. Say, lets just feel them, baby is happy, do what you feel you should, if you need Relief, use g&a, if not, breath slowly. D goes beUTIFFULLY INTO HERSELF, RELAXES INTO CHAIR, AND CLOSES EYES (sorry caps) Cx bout 2/3 in row, then 5 min break, (ish) then nother 2/3 this seems to be the pattern. D well.
Mw returns and announces anethetist is on his way to sort canula out. D is geting uncomfortable in chair so mw tells her to get on bed. Slightly reclining, cx become very uncomfortable, and D is starting to say she can't do it. Wants something stronger. I reassure her that it's a good sign, and that in a couple of hours baby will be with us, ( i truly believed this was the case and from the way she was behaving, Mw did too) She's doing well, breathe slowly, close your eyes.
Room fills up with people, 2 mw's, student, (lovely) anethetist. He explains that they need to put a line in, in case something happens and they need iv access. (not sure why he has to keep saying this), and .. get this, if something did happen, we would be able to sue them if they hadn'd put a line in !!!!! Is this his major concern? He says this 3 times about different aspects of D's care, monitoring, canula, etc. He says because of previous abruption, D is more at risk of it happening again. I ask him, how much more at risk, he tells us she has a 1 in 5 chance of it happening again. He does not say, she has a 4 in 5 of it not. I reassure D and S that this is the case. He also says if D had cooperated, it would have been done by now. I tell him, she did cooperate, she has no control over how accesable her veins are. I was furious with him. Did not make myself a friend .
Canula is inserted. D is on bed, doesn't want to get off. cx tailed off again.
Early hours of morning, bout half 2 i think. ve done, 5cms. Not very favourable, high but can feel waters bulging with cx. D bit despondant but at least it's progress. Is using toilet, even though she has to take all monitor leads with her !!, drinking plenty. Cx pick up again.
D asks for more pain relief, and mw gets pethidine.
Cx are now very painful but a bit all over the place. No real pattern although coming frequently.
Pain relief has taken edge off them, and D manages to close her eyes for a while. Still using g&a for the stronger ones towards the peak.
We talk about how stress can have an effect on how her labour progresses, and about how every time someone interferes with her, cx tail off or stop. She wants to get back on ball. I asking for monitor to be taken off, but told no. mw actually said to her, Just let us do our job.
Eventually cx really get going again, and D is doing really well, S is supportive but is a bit sqemish, so stays away a bit. Sometimes holding hands. D is happy with this. She'd doing brilliantly on her own. I am silently convinced the way things are going, this baby will be here within the next couple hours.
Few hours later (sorry i know i should have noted times) ve and a different mw says D is only 3cms and not in proper labour. D bursts into tears, I very nearly do too. S looks confused.
D asks me how the 1st mw could have got it wrong? Is it possible to go backwards? I tell her that different mw's examine in different ways and that 1st maybe could stretch her to 4/5, but didn't think it was possible to go backwards unless you were swollen which she wasn't. Decided to ask mw. Bout an hour or so later, she comes in and more or less explained same. Told D that all previous cx were probably only Prostin pains brought on by the gel they had given her.
D gets upset and says if this is so, then she can't do it, and wants an epidural. This from someone with a phobia of needles. She asks for more pethedine but is told that as she is not in established labour she can't have anything.
This is not going the way D and S planned. Natural labour with little or no pain relief, little intervention, healthy baby at end. Maybe we were all a bit naive given the circumstances, but even though we asked lots of times, can't we just come off the monitor for a short while to have a walk aroung , we were told no way, it's for your baby's safety.
Some time after this, Talked with D, reminded her how she's given birth twice before, encouraged her to go with the cx, let her body do its work, she knows what to do. Got back into some kind of rythym, good cx, regular, (ish)
2 hours later ve, 4 cms, decided to break waters, Still not very favourable, no sign of baby's head, bulging on perinium, no other signs of baby pushing down. Breaking of waters is very difficult and painful, mw announces there is meconium in the waters but that it's nothing to worry about, "we'll just keep an eye on it" D is screaming and crying. I feel awful as she begs me to make them stop. S leaves room for all exams. Is visibly upset at seeing and hearing D like this when he returns. They are both now afraid that the baby is in trouble, more monitor watching!!!!
Morphine given, back on bed, almost lying, managed to get sitting up, able to relax as fuzzy roung edges now.
cx well but D is very aware of the heart rate numbers.
D is very emotional, which makes me feel emotional. Don't want her to see me upset so leave her with S and go off to make a drink and compose myself.
On return D is demaning epidural, I talk to her but she is adamant, she can't do it, it's never been like this before.
I go off to seek mw. On telling her that D os asking for epidural she says "well she could have told me that before I gave her the morphine" comes to room, asks D if she is sure. Goes off to bleep anethetist.
D is crying, pleading with me to stop it, make it go away, she can't do it. Why can't she just have a nice time? It is heart wrenching.
Epidural is set up, along with a drip to get the cx going more uniformly and stronger. D gets very strong urges to push as this is being done, and gets very upset, saying she can't stop it. Mw brushes her off and tells her to keep very still. I understand this is a very precise procedure and movement can be very dangerous but i feel mw bedside manner left alot to be desired. D changes back into calm except for obsession with meconium and heart rate. pushing sensation has gone.
I ask mw, are they concerned about mec, and she says no, might just mean baby didn't like waters being stretched. I ask how they are keeping an eye on it, only cos they haven't done anything differently from how they were anyway. She is a bit vague to be honest but I didn't push her cos I didn't want to P**s her off. Seems bit stupid now.
2 hours pass, epidural working well, mw turns up drip, D starts to be able to feel cx again, and starts getting upset. Can very clearly hear loud labouring woman in next room. Sounds like furniture being htrown, woman is screaming. This is clearly upsetting D, who is getting less relaxed as she becomes more aware of cx again.
Mw says will have to ve before top up of epidural. Woohoo, fully dilated. D gets very tearful at this point again. She hs no sensation to push. Mw says she will give her an hour to get going, head is still not visible, although when ve'd, head turned around as mw was doing exam. Now sems to be facing upwards.
All this time D is on bed, is afraid to get off now as epidural has worn off and thinks if she gets upright, cx will be unbearable. I am thinking, baby is not going to turn around and descend in a reclining position.
Explain to D that this is so not a good position to give birth in, we get her on her ball again, where she is happy to use the G&A and bounce. S is holding her hand and getting water.
Hour later, cx very strong, D in lots pain, and not coping very well. Is upset, and exhausted. Is crying alot and saying she has had enough.
Mw change over and get new Mw, lovely lady with a bossy (nicely) voice. Student has stayed well beyond her shift to see this baby arrive. She is lovely, very softly spoken and reassuring.
New mw announces that we must now start activley pushing, although D has no urge to push at all. She is semi reclining and doesn't know what to do at all. I stand next to her at her head and quietly encourage her that she is doing really well, and that we'll soon be seeing this little one. S is fab, holding her hand and letting her squeeze.
Mw tells D how t push, head down, deep breath etc but D can't get into it really, is crying, looking into my eyes and saying I can't do it. I feel devastated that I can't help her.
Mw's get her legs into stirrups, tell her she has to focus and really push. Mw uses her hand inside D during each contraction, and tells her to push it out. Can't feel head moving at all. Tells D that we have an hour of active pushing before we need to get doctor in and decide what to do.
D asks me, what do they mean, I tell her, they will probably try instrumental delivery if they think she needs bit of help.
D is getting more and more upset, and is crying uncontrollably all the time, I just hold her and tell her she is doing well. We use her clary sage hankie, and she tries to focus. She makes some fantastic pushes but knows her baby is not moving at all. She tells them over and over, this baby is not coming out.
Consultant is called after an hour of active pushing, D is exhausted and despairing.
Consultant examines her and says baby is wrong way round, his face is looking up and his head is flexed. Will top upp the epidural , let D get some rest, and leave her be for 45 mins. Baby is happy, so will give him this time to get into right position, and descend. (What with D lying flat on her back???!!!) If he's not done that , D will go down to theatre and they will try forceps. If that doesn't work, then it will be a section.
Epidural doesn't work, D is now geting hysterical, cx are right on top of each other as drip has worked its magic. After 35mins, consultant returns and says that he's spoken to another consultant and they don't think forceps will work so they are gonna take her down for a section now.
At this point, S almost collapses, I escort him to the sitting room, across from our room, he's crying and saying they didn't want this , are they gonna be alright? I can hardly speak to him for crying myself. Manage to pull myself together enough to tell him they are gonna be ok and it'll soon be all over.
Mw comes to tell me only one person will be allowed in the theatre, I realise this, it's fine, I will get their room ready for their return. S tells me, he can't do it, he can barely stand, he is so shocked and scared. He wants me to go with her.
We get ready and go to theatre, A beautiful little boy is born at 6'51pm. Perfectly well. D has a bit of bleeding but holds up well. She has to be on oxygen so is unable to hold him as soon as he is born. She wants S to have him. S meets us at the theatre doors, and is introduced to his son, he doesn't feel able to hold him, as he is still visbly shaken. Mw checks, weighs and dresses baby and we go up to postnatal ward where D and S are reunited. Baby is rooting and D is keen to try breastfeeding as she never has before. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, mw is busy doing other stuff so is unable to help D get into a good position, and she is not allowed to sit up, I am not allowed to move her position. I find this seriously frustrating, as I can see baby rooting, and I know that if D doesn't get it right she won't try again. ( remember at this point that she is my niece and I know her, which is why I am in the position, of being able to say that).
S had gone to collect their older son and brought him to see the baby. While they were there, mw came to help D feed baby but she didn't want to until her son had gone. I can see where this is going but say nothing.
Birth over and mum and baby settled, I now have to drive 5 hours home. I get home 3.30am, Saturday, having been awake since 5.50am (baby daughter) Thursday.
I feel emotionally drained and am now doubting my desire to have another child. It's horrible seeing someone you love like that, I know why husbands feel so useless.
Have spoken to D this morning, baby has not fed from her, she says they have had her express some and fed him that and some formula from a cup. This time tomorrow, that little fella will ba having a bottle. What a shame.
Sorry bit rambling. Still feel bit light headed from lack of sleep I think.