Should I request a c section? FTM

[Riverrushing21]

Currently 30 weeks pregnant and v anxious about childbirth, to the point where I’m wishing I had just requested a c section- is it too late now??

I’m not actually worried about labour itself or about being in pain. One big fear is of tearing and having a horrendous recovery, incontinence, sex issues etc afterwards. I’ve read many horror stories about the recovery (or lack of) after 3rd or 4th degree tears and I don’t want to be in such a bad state after birth that I struggle to look after baby.

Another fear is of going overdue, (I know this is very common for FTMs) as I know someone who went overdue and had a stillborn, after no other issues throughout the whole pregnancy. If I had a c section, going overdue wouldn’t happen, and labour wouldn’t be able to develop into any emergency situations.

I know it may not even happen to me and I could have a textbook labour- is it crazy to even consider ELCS for first birth? Will I just get told no straight away? If it’s too late for me to request it now, any tips on how to approach a vaginal birth without all this anxiety?

You can certainly request a C section, but some of your fears can also be applied to C section. You can have a horrendous recovery with C section too.

Bad tears are usually down to how you give birth (positioning, how active you are, etc.). You should avoid lying on your back (if possible). Water births are also known to prevent/minimise tears. That or applying some kind of compress. Perennial massage is also supposed to help too. There is lots of advice online about avoiding tears.

If your baby ends up in a difficult position (e.g. breech) I think C section will be discussed with you anyway. But it depends on which trust you are under.

Also, you will be consulted about induction and possible c section at some point if uou go overdue as there are cut off points. You won't just be left to go long overdue.

I think discussing your fears with your midwife will help x

Oh gosh. I dont want to say "just go for a vaginal delivery, risks are generally lower" as actually I would rather advocate for complete choice on the woman's part.

Neither option is "easier" or "riskier", though I suppose the surgical nature of CSEC lends itself to additional (or should I say different) risks.

I think it's probably worth a call and a chat with your community midwife. She may be able to inform you of your options, or how you go about requesting. I cant imagine it would be too late.

On the whole, more births go well than go wrong, and more women recover well afterwards than dont, but there is no denying it is an anxious time - and I found myself drawn to the negative scenarios as well, and they can become all consuming.

Bless you, it's totally normal to have these fears. I'm sure most if not all women do! Obviously only you can decide which route you go down but as pps have said, I think a chat with an experienced midwife will help. In my experience they will probably advocate for a vaginal birth for a number of reasons.
Just for reference I had an elective c section for both of my children. I had to lobby quite hard the first time but eventually was signed off. Both experiences were great and my recoveries went really well. I felt back to normal within a few days with my first and about a week with my second. However I also know people who had fantastic experiences and recoveries with their vaginal births too.
Best of luck with your decision x

I’m a FTM too; although not due until December.

I may have to have a c-section due to previous spinal issues, so I'm trying to get my head around both options..,

having a horrendous recovery, incontinence, sex issues etc afterwards.

I’ve been warned that these are big risks with a C-section, too. I don’t think there’s a way of delivering a baby without risking issues, if I’m honest! And you’re certainly not alone in worrying about them…

You should go with whatever option feels best for you, and the midwives are likely to support that, but I think those are risks you’ll have to accept. There are ways to try and mitigate them with a vaginal birth - massage, positioning, etc - which you could start soon if you decide to go that route. I think it’s luck of the draw with a C-section, from what I’ve been told, as it’s really down to what happens during surgery - but I’m sure your midwife could talk it through with you.

Best of luck, either way ❤️

I'm a first time mother to be and I think c sections should be reserved for when medically necessary unless done privately. Harsh as it sounds those possible problems are a part of having a child.Should we all get c sections because we want everything down there to be as before?

Gosh @Aggy35 I hope your medical staff are a bit more sympathetic towards you as your pregnancy progresses. How does that help the OP? She didn't post in AIBU FFS.

OP, you've had some really good advice from other posters. Your concerns are valid and you need to discuss this with your mw. As pp said, not all on your concerns would be solved by a section, so you need to keep an open mind, but it shouldn't be too late. Many trusts only confirm sections & dates at 36 weeks.

I felt exactly the same as you and have now had 2 sections; the first by maternal request, the second because of the previous section. They were lovely calm experiences and I have zero regrets. However, I did go private so there were no issues in getting the birth I wanted. I didn’t even have to specifically raise it, my consultant just asked which I’d prefer at my first appointment.

Thanks so much everyone who has replied so far.

I didn’t want to reveal too much on here, but the person I know who had a stillborn was actually my mum and I was old enough at the time it happened to remember in detail exactly how scary and heartbreaking it was and to see the lifelong effect on her and our whole family. I always knew this would be a fear of mine when I was lucky enough to fall pregnant. It is an issue that is very close to home for me….not just a ‘possible issue’ @Aggy35

What was your mother's births like? Part of why I was so scared and wanted c sections was because my mum had preeclampsia with me and a bad birth experience that was rushed because of it and she ended up with forceps and epi. But then she was also on her back and had an epidural apparently. Growing up she would tell me these stories about my birth and it really scared me. Sure enough I also got preeclampsia with my first, but way more severe than she did, so I had to have a C section with no labour I was that poorly. Certain things in your history may increase the likelihood you will get a section, and I think my obstetrician knowing of my mums experience sort of helped

@Aggy35

I'm a first time mother to be and I think c sections should be reserved for when medically necessary unless done privately. Harsh as it sounds those possible problems are a part of having a child.Should we all get c sections because we want everything down there to be as before?

Gosh.....I hope becoming a mother increases your empathy.

Aggy35 Amongst weighing up of other reasons and risks, yes, sure, why not?

There are risks in both ways of birthing, for you and for the baby, of course there are. The risks of both are part of having a child. Baby's health and well-being is very important but so is the mother's.
Both need to be taken into account.

Mothers should be helped to understand the risks (severity and likelihood) of both options for both mother and baby in accordance with their personal circumstances (strictly medical, emotional and in terms of how the risks might impact on their particular life) and then allowed to choose accordingly.

You don't have to be a martyr, choosing an option that may not be right for your family, purely for the sake of it.

@ Riverrushing21 .I do apologise i was not aware of the backstory.I truly hope everything works out for you and you baby...my answer simply came from bad experiences with people (only wage earner in the family of benefit scroungers .And yes I will say that as I know my own family.All using and abusing NHS for their hypochondria.Not the real kind ,the type where you make things up to get easier life )

My DiL is due later this year and has said she wants a C section.
Before I had always thought that choosing a C section is ridiculous but..... I have had a rethink and if that is what the FTM wants then why not?
But I would be worried about a possible longer recovery time.
She has been told that a decision won't need to be made until closer to the date.
Why not, as other PPs have said look at water births?

To answer other posts.Excluding the OP as I already mentioned clearly I jumped the gun and wasn't aware of emotional issues etc.NHS is a miracle of an institution that needs to be protected. There are people who cannot have specific life saving drugs to to NHS not having the money and yet something like childbirth which most women go through should have a willy nilly option for c sections that costs more and yet the existing option is the natures way?
Once again not adressing the OP or anyone with genuine reasons ,but this country doesn't have a money tree.

Aggy35 interestingly, when the single problem of treating incontinence directly resulting from births are taken into account, a c section costs something like £75 more than a vaginal birth.

i.e. women who have had a vaginal birth are far more likely to need further NHS intervention to solve incontinence issues which makes a vaginal birth much more expensive for the NHS (coming close to a c section) than it first appears.

That doesn't take into account any other problems that may arise from birthing options (which may, say, potentially make a vaginal birth more expensive in the long run) but it's an interesting piece of information that shows the cost analysis is not as straightforward as "surgery costs [X] while a midwife and birthing room costs [Y]".

If the vaginal birth were shown to cost the NHS more, would you be in favour of default c sections for all?

If not, then I respectfully suggest that your objections aren't really about money.

@Aggy35 No, the country doesn't have a money tree but disregarding and belittling very valid concerns which could actually be helpfully addressed is poor form, irrelevant of the back story.

@ NoNoThankYou
All c sections cost x yet not all childbirth result in xyz.
Besides I want all white fillings should nhs pay for them as currently I go privately.
Its just that Nhs should be protected.Thats all...
Once again genuine issues aside .
I did not intend to hence I apologise to belittle the OP situation or fears.Cannot stress this enough.

White fillings are purely aesthetic.

Csec vs vaginal is rarely for aesthetic reasons.

It’s completely your choice and your free to ask?

But I have had two planned c-sections - recovery was very very different for each! First one was a breeze second one took a lot longer and I was in a lot more pain.

For me I would have loved the opportunity to have given birth - kind of feel I missed out on something :(

Aggy I don't wish to be rude but you're misunderstanding the statistics.

It's not that an individual vaginal birth will cost almost as much as a c section IF that one happens to require later intervention for incontinence, it's that overall a vaginal birth (taking into account those with no follow up and those with loads, and everything in between) costs nearly as much as a c section taking into account the same.

In other words, even when you only include the overall cost to the NHS of future incontinence as a direct result of vaginal births, you almost may as well have had everyone having a c section for all the saving it's made the NHS.

@Aggy35 Thank you for your apology. And thank you everyone else for your suggestions, you’ve given me a lot to think about and look into. Xx

I faced a similar choice op. My mum also had problems, actually 2 stillbirths before I was born by c-section. Although I don't remember it, it shaped my childhood and naturally my mum was very anxious through my pregnancy.
I discussed all of this with the midwife who was very helpful and suggested Hypnobirthing as a method to give me a way of controlling the anxiety.
As it happened I had to have a csection for medical reasons with my first. I opted for a vbac with my second, ended up with an episiotomy, bad tears and a instrumental delivery. But have recovered well from both births and personally wouldn't say one way is better than the other. I won't have a 3rd, but if I did and if all was well I'd probably opt for vbac again.
Good luck and if you can find a way to manage the anxiety, it will help you either way xxxx

Hey @Riverrushing21 RCOG issued information on choosing a subsequent section or a VBAC. Very interestingly when discussing the disadvantages of a vbac it is noted that there is a higher risk of still birth and serious brain injury for your baby. They also note that the risk of still birth and serious brain injury is the same for vbac as it is for a first vaginal birth, which means that a c section is actually the lowest risk for serious brain injury and stillbirth.

This was me! Although I was absolutely one million per cent sure I wasn’t having a vaginal birth, it just wasn’t happening! I’ve had a lifelong fear of it so the second I was pregnant I was desperate to speak to someone to request a c-section. I commented this on someone else’s post earlier. Have just copied it to save me writing it out again but good luck!

Just had an elective section 2 weeks ago. It was maternal request, purely because I didn’t want to experience any of the awful things any of my friends have. I’ve had a lifelong fear of giving birth and always knew if I got pregnant there was only one way that baby was coming out!

I did A LOT of research before getting pregnant and also during pregnancy to prepare for my consultant appointment to try to ‘convince’ her to approve my section. It was a telephone appointment in the end up and I had 5 pages of printed notes ready to read her 😂 It turned out I didn’t need a single bit of it. She could hear how anxious I was and quoted the NICE guidelines (that I had written down) to me before I got the chance. She said it wasn’t her job to tell me no and I could have a c-section if I wanted! She did then try to put me off by telling me all the risks, many of which related to an emergency c-section or high-risk elective rather than a straightforward one on a healthy person. I had researched all the risks myself and knew what the true risks that would relate to me were so just said yes to everything. She booked it in there and then but didn’t tell me the date until our next appointment at 34 weeks. My section couldn’t have been more straightforward or painless, it was brilliant! Honestly the best day of my whole life 😊 2 weeks on I feel almost completely recovered (although I know inside I’m probably not so going to take it easy-ish for another month).

I’d say go on birth rights website (maternal request c-section part) and look up your hospital to find out whether they’re rated red, amber or green on following the NICE guidelines. My hospital was amber and it was still really quite simple to have it approved so it’s not the end of the world if it’s red. It will also tell you on there how many they’ve carried out. Look up the risks on the NHS page so when they tell you them you know what the odds are (most are uncommon or rare). Have the NICE guidelines written down and if they say no ask to be referred to someone who will perform it. Due to my fear I found I really played on the anxiety aspect of it. The main anxiety inducing thing was trying to get it approved and waiting for the actual appointment itself! So definitely mention mental health and the benefits a c-section will have for you.

They shouldn’t say no!

Request a birthing choice meeting and go through all the options, I have done both ways. Was home within hours of natural birth and no issues. Csection due to transverse took my 8 weeks to recover it was so tough. As above both come with risks so it has to be down to your own personal decision.