To tell me about positive recovery from vaginal years?

[Riverrushing21]

Currently 30 weeks pregnant and v anxious about childbirth, to the point where I’m almost wishing I had just requested a c section- I think it’s too late now. I’m not actually worried about labour itself or about being in pain. My biggest fear is tearing and having a horrendous recovery, incontinence, sex issues etc afterwards. I don’t want to be in such a bad state after birth that I struggle to look after baby.

Was wondering if there is anyone who has had a 3rd or 4th degree tear and has managed to recover well and could share their positive recovery experience?

I know it may not even happen to me, I could have a textbook VB, but some reassurance may help me to get into a better headspace, which I’m told will help with labour anyway as it’s best to be relaxed!

Oops… title should say tears not years!!

2 induced labours baby 1 was 9lb 3 and baby 2 was 8lb 10. No issues at all as good as new ha ha

First of all, it's not too late to request a c section. You can speak to your midwife about it any time I think.
I had an emergency c section for my first, fourth degree tear with my second and elective c section with my third.
The only long lasting effects I have from the births are the children

I had a 3rd degree tear and episiotomy with my first. Healed well. Caused no pain beyond a little itching around the stitches for a few days. Back to normal by 6weeks. Only had a small graze with my second.

Make sure you're doing your pelvic floor exercises.

I had a tear and then was cut.
I did ask how many stitches and they said ' you dont want to know!' -throwaway comment and said they would say if I wanted to know but after an hour and 25 minutes if being stitched I didnt care!!

The first couple of weeks I worried massively about 'down there' At one point I freaked out and the health visitor came round and reassured me " everything is perfectly normal and healing well, I was expecting to see your innards everywhere!!!' ( I think I may have overreacted with my worry)
I instigated sex at 5 weeks. Really took it slow and easy with no pressure and was fine.
A few weeks later everything was ok. Seriously no issues.

I had a water birth and a second degree tear/grazed labia with an 8lb 8oz baby. I think the tear was caused by the speed of delivery.

The stitching was a bit uncomfortable (I have no idea how many, but the midwife brought a doctor in for a second opinion so it took a while) and I took ibuprofen for a couple of days. Was able to go on a slow walk with the pram after a couple of days and healing went very well. My main worry was getting an infection - I bathed twice a day and changed pads very frequently. Midwife checked on every visit and all was well.

Had sex about four weeks later, no issues then and no issues since. Nothing looks any different, which is great.

I have very mild incontinence if I have a full bladder and forget to squeeze before sneezing. I think this is due to being lazy around pelvic floor exercises, as I can run, lift weights, go on trampolines etc with no problems. Do your exercises and keep doing them!

I tore (over 9lber) and they were trying to decide whether it was 3rd degree and I needed to go on the operating table or not. In the end they decided not and I was stitched up there. When I got home (same day) I found our sofa was too hard and high for me to sit on so we had to bring down a mattress for a while. I didn't think I'd ever be the same but it did heal and I didn't have any long term problems, never had any incontinence or problems with sex - although took a while for my orgasms to be as good as they were before. Definitely worth doing your kegel exercises though to help with these things!

The worst things for me were weeing - I held paper over my cuts to keep the wee off it as it stung - and first poo - I did it in the bath as I was absolutely terrified and hoped the warm water would make it less painful - it was fine but like a brick!!

Tearing was my biggest fear pre babies as well. I've had two induced births, 9lb 1oz and 10lbs, second degree tears both times (first one went up and down) and both have healed perfectly. It takes a while to get full bladder control back but I think this is as much related to carrying and pushing out big babies as it is to tearing. I never needed anything other than paracetamol and was out for walks, lunch etc. within 3-4 days both times. I did use an aniball before my first baby which is meant to help decrease the risk of tearing. No idea if mine would have been any worse without it but it did make me feel like I was doing everything I could to keep myself safe pre-birth.

I've had tears with all three of mine. 2 needed to be stitched in theatre. Having a tear will not affect your ability to look after your baby. Long term effects are always a possibility but for most people it's not a worry if you do your pelvic floor exercises.

A c section is major surgery and much more likely to affect looking after your baby in the very early days.

I had a very nasty tear with my first. Weirdly through my pregnancy I was worried about tearing in terms of the pain when it happened but I didn't really worry about long term effects.

In reality for me at the time I didn't know I'd torn it certainly didn't feel like you'd expect; it felt like pressure- like something bearing down on my bum really. I was stitched up pretty quickly and then realised I was doubly incontinent. That was the absolute worst bit for me because I didn't know if it was temporary or permanent. As it happened the hospital were absolutely amazing they started me with the women's physio immediately and basically I kept going until I felt I was back to normal. I have a friend who had a similar experience at a different hospital. Basically I got better control over my shitting and pissing fairly quickly and felt fairly back to normal albeit with some urgency when I needed to toilet within 3 months. Towards the end of mat leave I went for a walk in the woods with a friend and panicked when I needed to go. I managed to continue the walk without having an accident (thank god!) and realised I was back to normal. I don't know what the outcome would've been without the physio but IMO she was a god send.

Put 2 capsules evening primrose (as high as possible) in your vagina at night. Put a liner on your pants to catch anything that leaks out when you’re asleep. Do this every second night from 38 weeks. It makes the skin so supple and easier to stretch! Think of it like putting Vaseline on your lips before going to the dentist 🤪

No issues at all, I was up walking around the supermarket within 24 hours - you cannot do that after a c-section. Yes some women have tough labours and tearing but equally not all c-sections gave perfect recovery and some take a long time. Modern medicine is excellent, we are fortunate to be living today in a western country because the risks are so low for both methods of delivery.

I know you are anxious so concentrate on the vast majority of cases which have very good outcomes

Trust me, c section would be a walk in the park over multiple surgeries to get things right. Womanhood and pelvic floor is harder to fix than abdominal muscles if sustaining a 3rd to 4th degree - c section is a walk in the park compared to that!

4DC no tears or issues at all.
Had a graze with DC1 but nothing that a jug of warm water on your hoo ha when you pee doesn't fix.

Firstly, it's not too late to request a section! You can make a 'maternal' request for a section, it doesn't always have to be requested for medical reasons only.
I had 2nd degree interntal tear and labial graze with my first, for me personally, my recovery was hurrendous. I have also come away with a rectocele prolapse. (Rectum bludges into anterior vaginal wall) however, I had a very very quick birth and it was obviously too much for my body to handle. I'm 34 weeks pregnant now and I'm booked in for a section. For me, I cant take the risk of worsening the issues I have down there with another VB.
I would definitely talk this through with your midwife 🙂 good luck x