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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Got to 9cm and ended up with c section. Really struggling.

30 replies

Ivybutterfly · 19/08/2021 13:54

I am struggling after another terrible birth. I needed induced due to gestational diabetes. Induction went well and I got to 9cm, then labour stalled. Taken into theatre for forceps delivery and that failed. Ended up with c section. This was not my first birth so I felt it should have gone better. I am feeling really traumatised. I am blaming myself for having an epidural as well. I am also upset as I might want another child in the future but it would mean a third c section. That scares me.

OP posts:

DifferentHair · 19/08/2021 14:15

You didn't fail, it's not your fault at all. I'm sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted, that can be really painful.

If you do need another csection it won't be the same as this one. I've had two, and the second one wasn't nearly as scary because you know what to expect. I had a wonderful second csection actually.

But your trauma and disappointment is real, so let yourself feel it and move on when you're ready.

Original poster

Ivybutterfly · 19/08/2021 15:14

Thank you. That makes me feel a bit better. X

OP posts:

Thesearmsofmine · 19/08/2021 15:20

Aww OP I had 3 difficult births(all ended in c sections) and it is so hard when it doesn’t go as you had hoped. You didn’t fail at all but I know me telling you that might not help.

With my third I did try for a vba2c and while it ultimately ended in a c section, I personally found it helped to heal me in some ways because I was given a lot more support and choices from medical staff.

HangingChads · 19/08/2021 15:23

Without meaning to sound flippant, you actually succeed here. You and the baby made it through birth, you accepted what had to be done to get them out. Well done

Original poster

Ivybutterfly · 19/08/2021 18:18

Thank you @Thesearmsofmine. That does help.
Thank you @HangingChads you make an excellent point. 🙂

OP posts:

mia2201 · 19/08/2021 21:27

A midwife at my local hospital gave us a little pep talk in a waiting room about birth and what stood out to me was 'no I've fails at birth. Please be kind to yourself. I'm actually in the process of fighting for a c section and no one will make me feel guilty about it. Be proud of what you achieved :) all the best x

LouLou198 · 19/08/2021 21:32

Exactly the same think happened to me - twice. I didn't have an epidural so I wouldn't worry about that being the cause. These things happen, you are safe and so are your babies, that's all that matters. You haven't failed at all.

mia2201 · 19/08/2021 22:02

No one fails at birth is what she said! Silly autocorrect

Original poster

Ivybutterfly · 19/08/2021 22:42

@mia2201 no one should have to fight for a c section. Thank you for that. It is true. I was in active labour for 18 and a half hours. Fingers crossed they give you your c section ASAP.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ivybutterfly · 19/08/2021 22:45

@LouLou198 thank you. I don’t think the epidural worked as I was still in pain and able to eel the contractions. It was intense as my labour was induced. I wish I had a better midwife. That might have made a difference. Xx

OP posts:

Foxhasbigsocks · 19/08/2021 22:47

Op I think it might be worth ringing the Tommy’s midwife helpline. They supported me after a traumatic birth and it really helped me process the experience.

It sounds to me like you have managed through a very difficult experience. I don’t see any failure

Givemebackmylilo · 19/08/2021 22:47

In the nicest way I'm not sure which part of your birth was terrible?

Yes it didn't go as planned, but you weren't injured and both you and baby have come out the other side totally healthy and fine

Foxhasbigsocks · 19/08/2021 22:48

Yes that’s not how women experience birth though. Pain is frightening. So is feeling unsupported. A failed instrumental delivery is upsetting and intense.

Givemebackmylilo · 19/08/2021 22:50

@Foxhasbigsocks

Yes that’s not how women experience birth though. Pain is frightening. So is feeling unsupported. A failed instrumental delivery is upsetting and intense.

I'm not disagreeing for a second.

However, I think OP is looking at it the wrong way.

The induction/epidural etc weren't the terrible bit necessarily, but I'm guessing there was a shit midwife who wasn't supportive and didn't explain anything

Foxhasbigsocks · 19/08/2021 22:52

I’m not sure there’s a wrong way for op to feel. She feels traumatised. I see from your follow up comment that you were reassuring her that she hadn’t failed.

Givemebackmylilo · 19/08/2021 22:54

I'm (very badly) trying to explain that I think OP is focussing her energy on the c section as the issue, when actually that isn't the problem, the issue is likely the poor medical staff who were there at the time.

Pob13 · 19/08/2021 23:01

I was induced due to GD. Induction started on a monday. They broke my waters on the wednesday. On friday I got to 9cm then stalled so went for a c-section. It was a rushed decision, i didnt really know what was going on and I dont remember much at all. I dont know when I first held or fed my baby. It was a really shit time and I blamed myself for not being able to deliver.
I requested my maternity notes from the hospital and it really helped. They basically said that after 5 days in hosp already I would have been way too tired to deliver naturally. So Im glad they made the decision.

newyeardelurker · 19/08/2021 23:05

Hi OP I don't know how long ago you had your baby. After my emergency cesarean I felt like I'd failed. It took about 2-3 months before I saw that rationally it didn't matter, i was OK and my baby was too. This was after an induction too. My gp 8 week check was a bit of a turning point for me, i was honest how I felt and she was just matter of fact that I was healing well and dd was well too and the cesarean was needed, baby was in distress. Maybe ask for someone from the hospital to talk through the birth with you? As others said, you have not failed.

Alternista · 19/08/2021 23:07

It isn’t a skill, dear one. Take it out of the “things under my control” box in your head.

It’s a bloody lottery, birth. You can “do everything right” and end up with a shit time, or sail through. It is absolutely NOTHING to do with anything you did right or wrong.

You got through it. Your baby’s safe, and so are you. Fucking good job well done, I say x

Hawkaye · 19/08/2021 23:08

@Ivybutterfly I sympathise. Traumatic births are pants. You always feel like you could have done more, done better, been better. Feeling like you haven't given your child the best start in life. I get it. I do. But you have not failed. Your child does have the best start in life which it could get. And it has the best mum it could have hoped for, one who cares so much she even wants the birth to be right .
You are doing great. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

wellhellohi · 19/08/2021 23:08

I could have written your post 5 years ago.
I had a few further problems after. And was in a pretty bad place.

It took me a good while to get over it and I wish I had of spoken to some one sooner about it.

So please allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and take the time you need.

BalloonSlayer · 19/08/2021 23:13

You had had a caesarean once, so could have quite easily had another, but instead went for a VBAC, with induction, large baby, and then forceps when your epidural wasn't even working rather than another section? You ROCK! Seriously you sound amazing and that baby was just not going to come out. You did absolutely everything you could, and should be really proud of yourself

Happyface120 · 19/08/2021 23:13

I work with pregnant women, and I always tell them that the prize at the end is a healthy baby in their arms. No one gets a medal for the way they get here... I know it is raw, and awful now, but honestly, a healthy mum and baby is the goal. Please be kind to yourself- you haven't done anything wrong, you are both alive and well

Foxhasbigsocks · 19/08/2021 23:18

@Givemebackmylilo I couldn’t agree more with you. So often as labouring mothers we take responsibility for outcomes and feelings which were heavily influenced by poor support in labour.

Givemebackmylilo · 19/08/2021 23:22

@Foxhasbigsocks

Yes and I think that is what frustrates me. On 'paper' I had a horrible birth and when I tell me they are shocked that I look back on it so positively, however, I felt utterly supported by the medical staff who never once questioned what I wanted and explained everything properly.

A 'natural' birth, c section, failed intervention etc is totally and out of a woman's control and therefore, by default, you cannot fail at birth. You cannot fail at something where you have no real control over the outcome.

However, medical staff can fail you

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