In your opinion: What makes a good midwife?

[meggles]

interested in hearing people's opinions as i'm in the midst of applying for midwifery programmes. thanks!

meggles, I truly wish you the best of luck - I think you are doing an amazing thing and am sending you lots of encouragement! The midwives I had with both children were excellent - especially the second one. I went to her towards the end of my pregnancy because I had itchy hands and feet - itchiness is normal during pregnancy but she immediately took some blood because she suspected a condition called Obestretic Cholestatis (not sure on sp). it turns out I did h ave the condition and had to be induced two weeks early to avoid complications. It is a very rare condition but she was so on the ball that I will always be thankful to her.
Listening and empathy are key, but I truly believe you can't go wrong with a midwife who loves her job (which I think is a calling btw) and is as amazed as the rest of us at what are bodies are capable of doing.

I think midwives need to remember that their lightest word may be worried over for days and remembered for decades. Horrible responsibility but it's the truth.

Therefore I do think that midwives should think very carefully before saying anything at all, and should have good insight into the emotions that their patients arouse in them, and to how they react to different approaches, what they tend to take personally etc.

I've heard that midwives are the professionals most likely to suffer assault during their work (no reference for that, sorry) and so I think a midwife who wanted to take care of herself should consider specific training in defusing aggressive situations (possibly also in self-defence! but I think far more valuable to try to prevent these situations arising at all - I do accept it's not always possible).

A midwife who acknowledges pain is incredibly valuable. I had a midwife when I arrived at hospital who said my contractions were 'whoppers'. Just by her saying that, I felt more able to cope - before that, I feared very much being told that I wasn't really in labour and why was I fussing so much?

A midwife who NEVER says anything in the delivery room without acknowledging the mother. The same midwife talked to my husband about how far down the baby probably was and why she thought so, but they were round the back of me while I was hanging on to the edge of the pool for dear life - I only caught some of it. She should IMO have come round to 'my end' and ensured that I knew what she had said, even if I was unable to ask or answer any questions.

A midwife needs IMO to 'believe' the mother, first of all. If a woman says she can't stand it any more, then at that moment, she can't stand it any more. Even if she is only 30 minutes into labour - -maybe she is in transition - who cares - that is what she is feeling. See the bit about acknowledging pain, above.

A midwife needs to trust the other members of the multidisciplinary team. Mine had a go at my stitches but felt unable to continue asit was slightly tricky, and got a doctor to finish off. Very good call and I respected her for it.

Sorry, this is such a novel. i'll probably think of more in a minute. Basically you have to be perfect...

During labour- someone who bothers to explain what is happening and offers you choices. I ended up flat on my back with legs up in stirrups (as DS had monitor thing clipped to his head). I was in agony and unable to push - ended up having a C section. Will always wonder what might have happened if I'd had someone more helpful....Sounds cliched but I really did feel disempowered and scared.

someone who makes you feel like a woman not a patient. Someone who knows when to hold back and be a quiet support but also knows when to step forward to motivate when needed.

I work with lots of mws and I truly respect the job that they do and wish they were able to do the job that they signed up for... that is... one woman one midwife.

someone who gives support while giving the woman the control. I had lovely ones with dd.

more -
A retired midwife (the one who delivered me!) told me later that my labour sounded like a 'classic' presentation of a back to back baby (long labour, irregular contractions, all the pain was in my back). Somehow no one at the hospital seemed to notice this whilst I was in labour - or if they did they didn't tell me! It was actually really traumatic. I felt a complete failure for being unable to deliver him naturally and I'm sure it affected how I bonded with him. Still upsets me now tbh.

I think what I would have said has already been said, but:
I remember one the morning that DS was going to be born, the midwife saying that she always found it amazing that life is going on outside while inside this room something amazing is happening. I really liked the fact that tho this was her Nth birth attendance, she nevertheless saw it as a special thing, and not just another day 'at the office'.

communication is key, subtlety and tact are almost as important, and of course technical ability and loads of experience are priceless!

i'll never forget the horrid midwife (one of about 20 i saw during my stay at a certain london hospital) who said absolutely nothing to me the whole time i was in her care. just kept yanking me about to stick monitors on me. i was terrified, and she couldn't find it in her measly little heart to say something remotely comforting. bitch. people like that should not be allowed near expectant mothers.

The best person I had to get me through my 30 hour labour (ending in emergency section and had some fairly dramatic bits) was a midwife healthcare assistant (not sure that was her exact title) - she was training I think and couldn't have been more than 19 but was FANTASTIC.

She was calm, reassuring, listened to me, held my hand when dp wasn't. She talked to me and literally mopped my brow. I was so grateful for her kindness I cried afterwards when she came to see me (which I was really touched by - that she would come and say hello on the antenatal ward).

I wanted to give her a medal and a promotion all at the same time!

3ddonut i got invited to speak at it through the local branch of the NCT. it is next summer. so plenty of time to prepare

Someone who does cross-stitch in their spare time

I had a great MW with my first birth and heres why:

1. She was kind
2. Explained everything to me
3. Encouraged me
4. Made me feel safe
5. Didnt speak to em like I was an idiot
6. Visited me and DD on the ward the next day to say how well I did. In fact I still have a picture of her somewhere to show DD one day.

Just hope DC2 goes so well!

Really had to laugh at NorthernLurkerwithastarontop's comment re cross stitching.

My best friend paid me the greatest compliment when she asked me to deliver her 3rd child,
having had 2 problematical deliveries previously!

Minimal suturing was needed after delivery, and when the community midwife examined her perineum and commented that it hardly looked like she'd had stitches, my friend said "well, my friend the midwife is a very good dressmaker"

in labour (attempting vbac) for 6 hrs with very unsympathetic midwife. Then new midwife comes in, she prepares the babies trolley, start warming it up, puts the light on etc....was very hopeful

Someone who has delivered a baby before
(for some reason I was asking everyone!!)

In addition to all of the above (below), someone who really knows her onions (and all the tricks) when it comes to sorting out things like position, if you want to have as uncomplicated a birth as possible. And who also knows when to use technology and intervention.
As opposed to someone who is really comfortable using all the technology available but who calls for intervention at the first sign of anything deviating from the norm - it's just too hard to argue the toss when deep in labour, and then afterwards you find out there might have been some simple way out of the trouble you were having
(sorry this is virtually incoherent, I have only had one cup of tea).

Someone who doesnt hook you up to syntocin and then go on a 45 min break leaving you with DP who I love but is useless.
Someone who when DP goes to find because im not coping with the pain still takes 10 mins to come back.
Someone who is reasuring and calming when you are scared, not more bothered about DP cos he is diabetic and is going a bit low.
Someone who doesnt get pissed off because you deliver at 1.30pm and shift clockoff is not long after.
Someone who doesnt act like they would rather not be there.
Midwives have a very important and amazing job if they are not 110% about it the should do something else. Next time im hiring a doula I dont care about the cost. There is no option of another hosp wear I live the next nearest is in Birmingham 45 Mins away.
I must add that my antinatal and postnatal care was fantastic and I couldnt fault it. They took the time to reassure me and they definatley realised how life changing it all is.

Someone who has had a baby themselves and not just read about it.

Someone who is able to treat you as a person and not just someone to be rushed out of the delivery room so that they can get the next person in.

Leaving aside of course the basic questions of competence - mine couldn't tell for several hours whether waters had broken or not.

Agree with Mars about 1 woman, 1 midwife.

I have seen several MWs this pg and know that none of them will be there at the birth as the ones which work at the hospital are different ones to the community ones!

-pref had had a baby and bf- was also fed confused advice by each mw on shift changes, would help if could agree on advice not just slag each other to new mums
-not to walk off with new baby in night when i had had cs and couldn;t walk, leaving other mum to find her and bring back baby. terrified baby stolen by wonan dressed as nurse (was full of drugs at time)!
-not laughing when teling me i would have to be cut during labour at ante natal classs
-not expecting student mw to be any good-mine explained to me she was doing the job as she would be useless at anything else.
-not telling me i would do as i was told as she knew best and didn;t have time to explain

• finally -not telling me I was a liar when i cried about the treatment by various mw as "all the mw are perfect" yes, some are!

the lovely kind mw really stood out, professional, knowledgeable, experienced

also agree that keeping the ward calm

i know they see what they see everyday, but please keep in mind that this is not an everyday occurrence for your patients and act accordingly. please take their concerns seriously and treat them as if they have a brain.

pregnant women are not sheep who need herded, and no one likes being treated as such, no matter what their age or circumstance.

if you want to be a drill sargeant, please join the military. don't become a midwife.

Someone who cares - a simple thing, but essential. In labour, I had a student midwife and a qualified mw. The student (who was 47 and re-training) delivered my son and she was so enthusiastic and caring throughout that I actually enjoyed (well, ish) my labour. She also popped by the ward the next day to see how we were getting on.

Someone who helps you get the labour you want, despite it being a 'pain' for them. I was induced, on a drip and on a monitor and decided I couldn't be in bed and couldn't be on my back (the pain!). So she made sure I could go on the floor, kneel, move about and even stand up. She held the monitor belt on my tummy for HOURS so that I could be in the position I wanted. What a woman!

Someone who knows enough about the technology to really 'work it' to your advantage. My mw suggested turning up the Syntocin drip during delivery (when my contractions stalled) and it worked a treat - out popped baby, with no problems.

Someone who understands the benefit of trying different positions for pain relief and better delivery. My mw suggested standing up for the delivery (I had been kneeling until then) and it helped with the delivery.

A sense of humour.

Someone who involves your partner. My dp wasn't sure about cutting the cord but she really encouraged him and now he's over the moon he did. She also encouraged him to 'take a look' at the head, meaning dp could report back to me and tell me how well I was doing. Feedback - positive feedback - from the other people in the room to the mother makes such a difference.

Someone who doesn't leave you during delivery - even if their shift has finished. I would have been bereft if they'd given me a new mw at that point.

Someone who involves YOU in the delivery. My mw encouraged me to touch the baby's head - squashy but amazing!

Someone who encourages you - is basically your cheerleader and tells you how well you're doing, that you can do it, and keeps you going throughout transition.

Someone who asks your name - my records name me as 'Susan' but I've been known as Susie since I was 10. She took the time to find out and called me Susie throughout - a small thing but made me feel like she cared.

A good mw can make the difference between a scary, horrid out of control experience and an empowering, amazing one. I can't thank my mw enough for what she did for me during labour. Good midwives are worth their weight in gold and seriously underpaid - they should get performance related pay (that'd sort the wheat from the chaff)!!!

Long entry - sorry!

Of all the MWs I was involved with throughout my antenatal care, C-section and postnatal care (all of whom were great btw), the one who stuck in my mind was the one who did my first days at home after the birth. She came every day, when I burst into tears at her arrival on dreaded day 4 she gave me a huge hug and told me that I could forget everything else she said as long as I remembered "this is normal!" and on bad BFing days she visited twice to make sure I was getting on better as the day progressed. A week after she had discharged me she visited to say hello and make sure I was OK, and she brought us a card and a present of PJs for my baby. She even joined in my moan about the millions of DP's relatives who had descended on us all at once! Absolutely fantastic woman, I'll never forget her.