In your opinion: What makes a good midwife?

[meggles]

interested in hearing people's opinions as i'm in the midst of applying for midwifery programmes. thanks!

Someone who understands that you are likely to be all over the place at the time of birth and doesn't use it as a reason to talk down to you.
But can also take charge when they need to, my friends midwife was a wonderful woman all encoruaging throughout the birth, until it was time to push and my friend was exhausted, that's when the midwife's strong character kicked in, until then she was like your best friend, but she took charge and told both me and my friend what we had to do in the kind of voice that made you listen, plus as she ahd been so nice up until then, we trusted her and did listen. (I was the birthing partner btw, incase anyone is confused!!)

Someone who is caring (shares her After Eights with you in the middle of the night when your induction is failing and you can'tsleep!!), someone who listens (when you're ranting madly after being admitted for the umpteenth time whilst still pregnant), someone who takes control when it's needed (when you're about to get up and walk out of delivery suite because it hurts too much)
I've had 2 difficult pregnancies and deliveries and only came across one duff midwife - I was very lucky.
Hope this helps

Someone who isn't afraid to admit they don't know everything there is to know about babies and childbirth.

A good midwife will refer you to a BF counsellor rather than decide because she has helped birth however many babies that she knows how to teach you to bf.

Some of them do, mine was my saviour at 4am when she spent two hours helping me latch baby, but not all of them will know.

One thing was difficult about mine - she assumed she knew what I wanted to happen, and every juncture explained at great length, and with much sorrow and some condescention, why it would be best not to do it that way - I was like 'I don't care, just flipping do it the way you want!!' but I didn't like to actually say that.

I was in a hurry I suppose...

For the post natal ward, someone who values old fashioned midwifery:

changing sheets when bloody/dirty; making sure new mothers show respect for each other eg not turning lights full on in the middle of the night (in my case because the mother fancied a yoghurt!); keeping ward noise down to a resonable level eg portable TVs next to beds; answering reasonable bell requests in good grace especially for pain relief; remembering that new mums may be very fragile physically especially Caesarean/episiotomies/tears and need a lot of help eg with lifting baby; practical help with breastfeeding eg supplying cream for raw nipples etc.

Someone who understands the importance of a kind smile and gentle words.

Someone who appears calm and confident, no matter how things are progressing. Someone whho treats you as a real person and not just a 'medical issue'.

Someone who actually takes the time to read your notes instead of asking stupid questions like, 'is this your first pregnancy' whilst examining your stomach complete with caesarian scar on it!
Someone who respects your choice of not wanting a vbac, and doesn't give you grief because you are asking for a caesarian, suggesting instead you 'give natural a go', erm yes, 'cos if I'd 'given it a go last time' I'd have lost my dd.
Someone who knows what a bicornuate uterus is (please look it up) and listens when you say, the babies on the left side, and who doesn't then stick doppler on the right side and announce they can't find a heartbeat - maybe try the side the baby is in!
Can you tell I had a particularly bad midwife appointment yesterday?!
Seriously, if you're taking the time to post and read, you're going to be great.

Someone who holds your hand (literally if necessary) if you are frightened.

Someone who knows when to be authoritative and when to be co-operative.

When I was being induced with my 3rd child, I was at the stage when things were getting uncomfortable but not much happening, and I was lying on my side feeling uncomfortable and miserable. The new midwife arrived and immediately turned off the overhead lights, adjusted the lamps so the room was gently lit and told me that I would definitely be more comfortable if I got off the bed. She straightened the bed, raised it up, arranged some pillows so I could comfortably lean over and help me get more comfortable. It just just the right way of being authoritative whlst making sure I understood that she was on my side.

OK, I have, over many years, had an enormous number of bouquets, hugs, kisses, thank you cards, letters, presents etc from appreciative mums and dads, for which I am very thankful and appreciative.

I've also been on the receiving end of a few(not very many) brickbats! and yes, they did upset me. What did I do differently that someone was unhappy with their care, or as is sometimes the case, in their perception of this? It doesn't make the dissatisfaction any the less valid for them.

I was the same person, with the same experience, abilities, knowledge, beliefs etc whilst caring for all the mums, dads and babies.

The mums and dads were all different though, some primips, some multips, lots of different needs, expectations, concerns, complications, experiences and very varied personalities and nationalities.

It's not easy being 'all things to all men', Yes, I know that really should be women and men.

A good midwife does the very best she can for all concerned, sadly for some, the midwives' best is not always deemed good enough.

I encourage all mums to discuss and question anything at all concerning their pregnancy, labour and post natal period which has given them cause for concern or dissatisfaction.

This is how the services will be improved, both on an individual midwifery level and the maternity services in general.

Quietly attentive (and hasn't forgotten how flippin' defining/significant/memorable this event is for the woman in her care)...

...with a big bladder.

thank you all so much for posting. really lovely & insightful.

Message withdrawn

Having just had an experience of a BAD midwife I would say one who listens to you, treats you as an individual and doesn't just spout hospital policy with no regard to your individual circumstances.

Sorry I am sure this has all been said below but I feel so pee'd off with our community midwives at the moment thought I would just add my tuppence worth.

Someone who is supportive, listens to you, encourages you, advises you and who seems to care about you and your baby.
I was very lucky when I had dd and both the midwife who I saw for my antenatal care and the one who delivered dd were all of these things and made it a really positive experience for me

I would say that the ability to read people and listen to their needs (not just the words they are saying) We had great antenatal experiences both times but postnatal first time round wasn't great.
The midwife knew we wanted to give breastfeeding a go but DS1 was lazy and latched on well sucked 2-3 times then fell asleep!! I got more and more depressed and the babyblues hit like a cricket bat. instead of helping me with this she stopped talking to me and started explaining to DH how I should breastfeed the baby.
One clear memory was being sat in the middle of our sofa , her on oneside - Dh on the other.. Milking me as if I were a cow!!! she was showing HIM how to manually express into the bottle lid so we could tip some colostrum into his mouth to make sure he was getting some.

I guess I have vented on the wrong thread - sorry but it feels good to have got it out - didn't realise how angry I still am about it.

Anyway Someone who is intuitive (sp?) about the needs of the Mum.

Someone who nurses you, with everthing that implies. I found the younger the midwife the more they seemed to take this on board.

The worse ones seem to have wandered in from the typing pool and make fatuous comments. These were always the older ones .

(appologise to secretarial bobs, i'm using a stereotype here).

A midwife who listens to you, my community midwife (who cared for me throughout all 3 pg's and was generally lovely) wrote down in her notes each visit about how depressed I was feeling but did nothing about it, I spent the entire pg off work and very, very low and depressed, and I felt totally alone.

Lulu, fab opportunity!!! How do you get to do these things? You've really got yourself a nice career going there haven't you? Good for you!

Someone who listens to your worries and reassures you (and doesn't write 'feeling fine' on your notes when you have told her you are in pain with SPD, and have VVs and swelling in your ankles since your last appt).

I don't always get to see the same MW but if I see the one who booked me in she always listens to baby's heartbeat without being asked (not standard practice here) as she knows I am a worrier! She remembers little details without seeming to look at my notes and is honest and realistic with me without being harsh. It is lovely to be treated as a person rather than just a job.

Someone who remembers you. I had an early scan (2 previous miscarriages) the midwife who took my details could see I was nervous, and after the scan when everything was fine gave me a big hug. Saw her a couple of times when I had tests done (blood sugar etc) and she always said Hi. The morning after I delivered she appeared in my room and said 'When I came on duty this morning and saw you were in I had to come and see you, congratulations, you'll be a brilliant Mum.'How nice was that?

my little sis has started her training in seltember and i think shes going to make a fab midwife. shes kind, good listener, calm, she was one of my birth partners with dd2 and did a great job.

meegles - good luck with applying for your course by the way.

agree with someone who actually remembers you!
someone who enpowers you..who makes you believe you can actually do this..who gives you faith to trust what your body can do...who gives you loads of praise, encouragement, empathy..clear instructions when you need them

somone you feel safe with, smeone you feel you can trust to be the very first person to lay their hands on your baby.

and, yes, you'll be a fab midwife as you care enough to ask what you should be doing.
good luck!