well my dd is now 5 months old -born 37weeks
had quite a trumatic birth
an difficult pregnancy bad hg high bp at the end breech scares etc
this is roughly my birth story
i did so well during the labour and giving birth
only had gas and air during the labour and nothing at the pushing stage
apart from the fact i was in the water
thought everything had gone so well
after dd was born i delivered the plactena naturally after nearly and hour while bf dd
and i thought thats it ive done it!
then when i was examined the mw said we need to get someone more senior to look at you the look of horror on her face im not sure ill forget
then a sister examined me then a doctor then a surgeon they said i had 4th degree tears
i never knew anything like that existed and that id have to have a spinal tap and a repair operation
i was crying my eyes out even though when i was in labour and giving birth i was pretty silent and just got on with it
i found the examinations far far far worse than the labour and birth
thats was the worse bit
i just cant understand how this has happened to me, and i still cant now really
have had
like if i had had an epidural or even pethidine and had lost the urge to push and had to had forceps or vontouse and that had caused it then i could understand why it happened
or if dd got stuck and they had to rush her out , or if she came out the wrong way round i could understand it obv im glad those things didnt happen but then id understand what happened
but i only had gas and air
was on all fours
was in the water
only pushed when i was told to do so
its so difficult to understand
about 5 days ater the birth i had a full on flashback, i was awoken suddenly and i thought i was in labour, i was making allsorts of noises anbd crying and swearing[wasn't like that in the birth at all],screaming at my dh telling him to get away from me, i thought he was trying to hurt me,i kept saying the babys coming over and over again
dh said afterwards i was sort of howling like a dog
thankfully dd was asleep the whole time,so glad she didnt witness that, the flashback lasted about 20 mins
then i was crying for ages we then phoned the on call midwife in the early hours as we didnt know what to do as it seemed as if id gone nuts for about 20mins
i thought i was in the hospital even though i was at home in the ensuite
she was really helpful and calmed me down alot [even though it was 2am]
i have been on the bta website and i can relate to alot of info on there
5 months on im still having nightmares about having operations,last night i dreamt they where giving me an operation on my neck and back,had loads of other nightmares about birth/operations the surgeon etc
although thankfully only one actual flashback
some things trigger a kind of horrible feeling in me like in one of the bounty pack s there was a top and tail wash,well this must of been the stuff they used for my bedbath the next day at the hosp, as when went to use the one in the bounty pack the same hit me
isnt it weird how smells and trigger such strong memories?
just wondered if anyone else has had flashbacks or similar experiences as noone ever talks about this kind of stuff?