Wedding and hen do around due date

[Honeybeebloom]

So one of my really good friends is getting married later this year and I am pregnant with my first. Her hen do is 4 weeks before my due date and her wedding is 3 weeks after. I would love to go to both or at least one of them. The issue is her hen so is a full weekend away, 5 hours away from where I live, and her wedding is 4 hours away from where I live. I already told her that I couldn't make the hen do as to be honest it was crazy expensive and I wouldn't be able to join in most of the activities they have planned so would be paying to watch other women I don't know (plus a couple of my own friends) sit in hot tubs and jacuzzis getting pissed. I was also a bit nervous about being 5 hours drive away from home at 8 months pregnant in case anything happened early. So I told her I couldn't make the hen do which she was fine with.
I had hoped to still attend the wedding, at least maybe the ceremony as although it's 4 hours away from where I now live, it's where I'm from so I could stay with my parents, introduce baby to family, etc.
However when I've said this to DP he rhinks it's unrealistic. He has pointed out that i might be later and have only just had the baby and he doesn't think I should be travelling that distance with a newborn. He also thinks I'll want and need time to myself to recover after the birth and to just be with the baby. The more I think about it i think he might be right.
What would others do? Would you go to either? Both? Neither?

I would just tell your friend that you would love to share her special day with her, but there are no guarantees that you will be able to as it is so close to your due date. You could ask if she would rather you say no now, if it affects the costs drastically, or play it by ear and decide nearer the time.

Totally agree with Hadalife.

I think the Hen Do is best avoided for all the reasons you stated.

First of all, a newborn can not be in the car for 4 hours without several significant breaks during the journey.

Secondly, you need to be realistic, responsible, and practical. A five hour car journey at 8 months for a hen do you won't even enjoy is not practical, and possibly ill advised so close to your due date. A wedding 3 weeks after could be even more difficult. I personally wouldn't even bother trying to go to either of them. Too much faff and the hen do and wedding just don't matter.

I went to a hen do at 36 weeks and a wedding at 6 weeks postnatal as a bridesmaid (5 weeks after due date). Hen do was arranged to enable me to come. It was all very doable but it was all in the city I live in.

I think if you have a straightforward birth you could go to the wedding. You would need to bring the baby in a sling strapped to you though! If you can stay at the venue you can take plenty of breaks with the baby.

The hen do sounds like something to miss though...

Agree - see if your friend is ok with the possibility that you might have to drop out at 11th hour. If she is, then go if you feel up to it (it sounds like a good idea, given the proximity of you parents and it sounds nice to go and stay a while)

I went to a family celebration 1 week after my son’s birth, a 2 hr drive away. (We stayed overnight there too). I was a bit uncomfortable sitting in the car for that long, but it was fine. We stopped half way to get my son out of the car seat for a break. However, I’m not sure I’d have done a 4hr journey.

Definitely not for the hen.

As for the wedding, maybe find out when the bride has to give final numbers to the venue etc. You might give birth at 38 weeks and be happy to travel by then!

Take note on the point about travel though. Baby can't stay in a car seat for that long.
You'd need to take a day to travel there and another back!

Baby could be two weeks plus overdue.
I was in hospital for five days after my first was born.
Lochia is unpleasant. Establishing BFing if you want to.
Basically, you just don't how you will feel until after baby is born.

(On the other hand, after my second was born I was out and and about a few days later, taking baby to nursery with me to drop off her sister, shopping, going out for lunch... you really don't know!)

Ok thanks for the advice everyone. I'm going to call my friend and talk to her. Definitely can't attend the hen do now as I've been told I've to go into hospital from now on for twice weekly scans and monitoring due to me barely feeling any movements (she's moving apparently but I'm just now feeling it).
Will speak to her about the wedding and find out when the latest she can know is. If I did decide to travel down would do lots of stops on the way.

I’d definitely stick to not going to the hen do and say you’re hoping to go to the wedding but really don’t know how you’ll fee a free giving birth.
I did manage a wedding when my DC was 12 days old and it was three hours away but it was second DC so I think that made a big difference.

If it were me I'd be letting her down gently. You'll likely be exhausted at the hen and personally, at that point, I'd want to be close to home. Wedding wise, if you go to 42 weeks, you'll have a very small baby and if you had a section, you will likely be unable to walk or be particularly comfortable. If baby is earlier but still a section, you will still be in discomfort.