Early labour coping tips anyone?

[BertieBotts]

I have a bit of a history of ridiculous labours

DS1 I had planned a home birth, but after struggling with the pain (and to be fair, tiredness) at 1-2cm after 24 hours the community midwife strongly advised me to go into hospital, have pain relief and a sleep and carry on. Actually when I got there I was 4cm, so I decided to stay awake and carry on and the rest of the birth was OK/manageable.

With DS2, I planned a hospital birth but my waters broke first and I was GBS+ so I had to go in within 12 hours of them breaking. Contractions were still totally manageable, but I went in after about 8 hours because it was getting into the evening and just felt like the right time. When I got there, I was only 1-2cm dilated again (which they didn't explicitly say) so they asked me to go for a walk. We did this and then came back and they put me into a room (this is not in the UK). Then there evolved several hours of me becoming more not-coping and hysterical while they said "Ah yes you're dilating" so I assumed that meant things were moving on and I got into the pool, rejected the pool, asked for an epidural (which didn't work). Only an hour after the failed epidural when I suddenly dilated to 6cm in one go did they explain to me that I had only been at 1cm for the whole time before!

Anyway.... I seem to struggle with this really early labour phase. With DS1 I didn't really calm down until the midwife gave me some clear direction and instructions, and with DS2, nobody gave me any instruction so I didn't calm down at all, and just found the whole thing really stressful and frightening. If I was in the UK I know that I wouldn't have been allowed into a private room, let alone the pool or to have an epidural at less than 4cm, but I think because of the infection risk they didn't want to tell me to go home... maybe they don't have an early labour ward in Germany.

I need to know... what are you supposed to be doing at 1cm dilated? Are my labours just fucked up/am I just a giant wimp that I find the pain so unbearable at this early stage? Because childbirth classes kind of give you the impression that it will all be manageable with breathing/swaying/walking until 4cm, but this is not the experience that I have had, for me it seems to get unmanageable long before then and I have read all the books, done classes etc... just none of the tips seem accessible to me because the pain is all encompassing and makes me curl up into a little helpless ball.

DH thinks I got the epidural too late last time, but looking at the timescale of dilation etc it was actually much much too early. I'm kind of thinking if I can avoid going in too early then maybe it would make more sense. But then I probably need to work out how to manage the labour pain at home a bit better. And obviously I'll have no info about how dilated I actually am when I'm at home. I have also forgotten everything in terms of when you should go in (assuming my waters don't go early again). I will have a chance to discuss this but I will only have one meeting with hospital staff before labour, so I really need to get all of my questions clear in one shot.

Any tips/info?

In the UK, yes, but I'm giving birth in Germany, and last time they gave me one (which didn't work) even though I was only 1-2cm (I wasn't aware of this at the time). So I don't think they have that policy here.

Ah sorry missed that you weren't in the uk I also had one that didn't work it's shit when you think you're about to be pain free and get a little nap in!

OP, I also really struggled in early labour with my first. It was bad enough at 1cm that it didn’t really ramp up after that. It was agony from the off. I was in far far more pain at 1cm with my first than I was at 10cm with my second. Had much less pain relief with my second too. I hope you figure out a solution, but it is so true that everyone is different and we don’t all conform to how labour is ‘supposed’ to go.

Oh that's interesting Fkr, do you know what was different with the second one or was it just completely random?

MrsSunshine YY I felt so cheated especially as it had been really hard to stay still to get it in!

I've only had one but I was kind of similar although when I first got examined at 2cm I was fine and it was all manageable but when I got examined 12hrs later and was only 3cm I couldn't manage properly anymore. I really think the exhaustion was a big factor in the pain I experienced though because by that point I'd had like a full day, 4hrs sleep until I was woken at 4am with contractions followed by another whole day which was early labour with increasing contraction pain. There's loads of research that being tired effectively increases pain (as pain is subjective anyway). However I'm not sure what I could have done about it because I did try napping a few times and the pain although manageable during that time was still too much to be able to sleep. I took paracetamol throughout this period and don't feel it helped. I did find a warm bath helped and so did TENS machine up until as I say the point where it was all too much.

However the hospital would only give me codeine at that point due to being 3cm instead of 4cm and again this didn't have any measurable effect on my pain levels. I was allowed to stay on the MLU anyway and in the end wasn't allowed any other pain relief until I was 8cm because nobody would examine me sooner. Needless to say the experience has traumatised me as I was in severe pain for many many hours. I'm hoping the earlier part of labour will progress quicker this time, reducing exhaustion and thus shouldn't feel as painful/should feel more manageable for longer, in theory.

I found early labour much much worse than the later stages too. I stayed at home as long as I could and I was 3cm when I got in. They said I could stay or go home but I couldn't bear going home (it had already been about 36 hours) so they admitted me to the antenatal ward. I was pacing about the ward and ended up basically collapsing in a heap in the corner of the hall about 3am a lovely midwife came and offered me some diamorphine which took the edge off and allowed me to doze. I didn't end up going to the delivery suite till 7cm and I found it way easier at that point (maybe also because I had access to gas and air and had had a small amount of sleep) the diamorphine had long worn off. I mean it was still painful but the early stages to me were so horrendous. I think every woman just labours differently.