Gynecologist preventing wife from having natural birth.

[OldieMama]

I am in shock. My friend's husband is discouraging her from having a natural vaginal birth, as, in his words, "it will ruin your vagina". I've had two c-sections (the first due to a failed induction; the second as a safety issue due my first failed induction). He's holding me up to his DW as some kind of role model. I keep telling her that it is not the easy option. Far from it. I feel awful for her, and don't know how to advise or support her. I feel he is a mysoginist, and feel he is putting her health at risk by insisting she have can elective C-section.

Is he obstetrician/gynecologist ?

If he actually is a gynaecologist/obstetrician he will have predominately seen difficult births and treated women who have had very traumatic birth injuries from vaginal births. Might come from a genuine place of professional knowledge (albeit one that is skewed because he wouldn’t be called to deal with straightforward vaginal deliveries) rather than misogyny.

A lot of medics go for elective sections. They have a very different perspective.
But it’s not his decision.

There is a very high level of ECS among female gynaecologists themselves - due as a PP has said them seeing a skewed cross-section of births etc. It seems alarming he is pushing her views onto her tho.

He practices gynaecology not obstetrics. I do think that his professional experience has skewed his thinking, as he keeps citing various cases he's dealt with to his DW. I appreciate why he holds this view, but I feel that my friend should not be pressured into going the C-section route. But rather make her own informed choice.

I've read this before actually - many people who work in that area prefer to have, or prefer their partners to have, a c section. As you say, totally wrong to force the issue though. I hope she gets the birth she wants!

Your poor friend. I hope he doesn't get his own way. Good luck to her.

Well what does she want? You mention what he wants and what you want but not what she wants. An ELCS is not necessarily putting her health at risk but ultimately it should be her choice - I know a lot of people (myself included) who have chosen ELCS because of the risks of damage from a vaginal birth and it's a totally valid choice. So long as it's her choice of course.

It's shocking & wrong.

My brother is an obstetrician & gynaecologist, and would take the opposite view ie that sections are needed in cases of medical need, but should not be seen as desirable, especially as it is major abdominal surgery.

I'd concur that some elements of the profession do see sections as a 'better' option.

The reality is no-one's vagina needs to be ruined by childbirth; the priority should be on the career received in labour to manage this.

What does she want?

I has a natural birth. I've had loads of injuries and left with a prolapse and some urine issues.

I wish I'd has an elective section. And I'm telling my sister the same to consider it.

I can see his comments might divide opinion but, unless he's not being altruistic and is more worried about their sex life than his wife's birth, he also has a valid viewpoint. I had two planned sections for medical reasons and they were very straightforward.

But ultimately no number of anecdotes either way are helpful - some people had terrible sections and good vaginal births and vice versa.

As long as he's not being overbearing and dogmatic, I'm sure his wife will come to the decision that's right for her. It's entirely her choice and hopefully he will support that.