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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Sex after episiotomy

13 replies

missbumpy · 15/11/2007 16:29

I gave birth to my beautiful DD almost 5 weeks ago and had a small episiotomy. I can still feel the scar although it's not as painful as it was. I think it's healed ok.

I've got 6 week check up coming up and I'm assuming the GP will give me go ahead to have sex. I know DP has been dropping a lot of hints. Problem is, I'm really scared to have sex again. I don't know if I'm still a bit emotionally traumatised by the birth even though my bits have healed up. Also, things aren't going brilliantly with DP so I think I'm a bit emotionally un-ready for sex.

Does sex after an epi hurt? Is there any risk of the scar re-opening? Does sex feel different? Is it normal to not want sex after having a baby?

OP posts:

crokky · 15/11/2007 16:33

My GP did not look at my epi at the 6 week check. My advice is to do it when you feel ready. I would not think the scar would re-open having sex (think of size of babies head compared with you know what!). I believe the scar can occasionally re open when you have another baby. BF hormones do not make you want to have sex so it's normal not to want to!! Use lots of lube when you do try, will be more comfortable. Everyone is scared the 1st time.

Original poster

missbumpy · 15/11/2007 17:29

thanks. glad it's not just me.

OP posts:

claraenglish · 15/11/2007 17:52

Message withdrawn

NoviceKnitter · 15/11/2007 18:11

I was scared too but relieved once we'd done it. wasn't so much scared of pain but just of feeling "altered" if that makes sense. but was fine. epi scar feels a bit tight sometimes but just use some lube.

Original poster

missbumpy · 15/11/2007 18:47

Ow Clara! In what way did it hurt? I'm really scared now. Maybe I'll just tell him we're never having sex again and he can like it or lump it!

OP posts:

Lulumama · 15/11/2007 18:51

okey dokey

scar absolutely should not reopen

make sure you are relaxed, a bath,glass of wine and a massage from DH should help

and make sure you are ready . take it slow and see how it goes, in reality, it will most liekly be absolutely fine...

any birth trauma , emotional or physical, should be talked about with your DH, so he know s where you are coming from

of course it is normal to feel this way !

make sure you are using contraception, evne if your are exclusively breastfeeding, if you are not prepared to tkae a chance on a summer baby !

claraenglish · 15/11/2007 19:19

Message withdrawn

claraenglish · 15/11/2007 19:20

Message withdrawn

Original poster

missbumpy · 15/11/2007 21:42

Hmm, I might try to put him off for a while. Maybe I'll say GP has told me not to. Or maybe I should be honest and say I'm not up for it.

OP posts:

claraenglish · 15/11/2007 22:11

Message withdrawn

Highlander · 16/11/2007 10:20

men need to understand that, despite the 6 week 'deadline', you may not feel like sex for months. That's normal. Pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, raging hormones - of course you don't feel like sex. Don't do it to appease your hubby, wait until you're ready. Explain to your DH that his testosterone levels are steady, thus he has a steady, continual sex drive. Women are different, never more so than pre and post-partum. This absence of sex for your DH is a tiny amount of time out of your lifetime and your sex life will return- he needs to understand that.

The next time he looks at your baby and is filled with love etc, it's a good time for him to be gently reminded what you have gone through/what you are still going through physically to give him his child

LindyLoves · 16/11/2007 12:15

My twins are now eight weeks old, and I had a ventouse with the first and forceps and episiotomy with the second. I started having sex again when they were six weeks old. I found it to be similar to your first poo after episiotomy, much less painful and scary than you fear. Felt a little bit sore at first but that only lasted a couple of minutes then I thoroughly enjoyed it and felt majorly relieved everything was in working order and not too stretched.Now it doesn't hurt at all, but need a bit of extra lubrication.

Your scar will be fully healed at six weeks and no risk at all of reopening.

Good luck, but only do it when you are ready.

rookiemum · 19/11/2007 14:18

My sex drive didn't come back for months afterwards, when sleep deprived its the last thing on my mind.

Provided your doctor gives you the all clear, I wouldn't postpone for too much longer as its one of those things that isn't as bad in reality as it is thinking about it plus it will help you and your partner to have some intimacy.

Hope it goes well.

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