Skin to skin

[km85]

Hi there,
I'm new here, not really sure of what I'm doing but looking for opinions lol.
I'm pregnant with my first child and to be honest even though I'm 35 I feel like I've not much knowledge of child birth etc. My partner has a little girl already and he informed me that he was the first to hold her after birth. However everything I have read really emphasises the importance of skin to skin between mum and baby right away. I just wondered what the opinion on dad holding baby first is?
Thank you for helping xxx

I hadn't considered the fact that the baby would be more used to the mother's heart and breathing rate, so that does make sense.

Ultimately I hope that you get the delivery you want, km85 as I do think the mother's wishes should take priority, but please don't think you will have failed in any way if things don't go according to plan. There is a weird competitiveness (is that even a word?) over births and feeding. Safely delivered and fed babies are what is most important, whether that is gas and air / epidural / C-section (planned or otherwise) delivery and bottle or breast fed.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I had my DD passed straight to me and it would have felt wrong it being any other way. It would have been weird for DH to take her anyway as he was clean and fully dressed - I was naked and covered in blood and meconium (she pooed as she was being lifted up 😂).

DH held her afterwards, when I was getting stitched up. I made him take his shirt off so she'd still get the skin to skin lol.

Yes @NancyDrawed I think it's not about attachment, more about helping the baby to adjust to life outside the womb and reduce stress for the baby. Being born is really stressful!

Though as you say it's true for all aspects of birth plans that they're theoretical preferences only and more to do with notional consent markers as you can't always predict what will happen.

I can't remember who held our DS (long traumatic labour).

Personally I really don't think it matters OP.

It’s up to you really

I had both babies delivered straight on to my belly so I was skin to skin straight away.

They stayed there whilst the midwife wiped their mouth and dh cut the cord and I had a little cuddle.

I then passed them onto dh so that I could deliver the placenta and get myself cleaned up.

Skin to skin with any adult helps baby with regulating temperature and breathing. If you intend to breastfeed, skin to skin with mother also helps to encourage a first feed and for baby to seek out the breast. It's pretty standard with a vaginal delivery IME for baby to be placed on mum's chest as soon as delivered as long as both mother and baby are OK. But the mother's preferences go really.

I was skin to skin with both of ours directly after birth - after a while they were taken to be cleaned and weighed and then DH took his shirt off and they also had some S2S while I got food/cleaned up.

In my trust the baby is placed straight onto the mother (if all goes well with birth and everything is ok with mother and baby) gave her a little rub down and popped a hat and then placed straight back on me! They encourage skin to skin and call it the golden hour. Dads give skin to skin to if they want, we did this at home!
Do whatever you want! You'll have just given birth! If you can take call the newborn skin to skin you can! My 'golden hour' lasted a couple of hours and it was bliss!!

This is totally not scientific but when DS1 was born he was put on my chest immediately and started crying then I spoke to him and he looked up at me and stopped crying, he recognised my voice and I cuddled him in. He stayed there whilst they stitched me up then DP had a hold after they’d checked him over and put a blanket on him.

I will want the same again when DS2 is born if possible, it seemed to calm him and me.

Just do what ever you want to do, they’ll know your partners voice too, so that will equally be as calming i expect.

While I held my DD first as I had be examined and stitched up it was my DP, her dad, who actually did skin-to-skin with her after she was born.

Also my DP was the one who dressed her not the midwife as the midwife and doctor were busy arguing over who had to stitch me where and then had to get their seniors to check their work.

The midwife was then upset she missed dressing DD.

My DP has an older child who was straight into NICU so he has experience of holding and caring for a smaller baby.

(My own DD was breast fed them mixed fed. )

So while if possible you should be the first one to hold your baby if it comes to it that you need more care then let your DP do the skin-to-skin and other things baby needs.

So strange that people are saying they don't want baby right away until cleaned

@Mother2princess

So strange that people are saying they don't want baby right away until cleaned

Very weird

I couldn’t care less. Ds even peed on me as soon as he was born but I was too busy cuddling him to care

I had a c sec and asked for my baby to be cleaned and handed to DH. Then I said to him, give her to me then - I’m just very squeamish but I soon as I saw her little cleanface I wanted her! Lol

I don't think you should become too fixated on this. Talk to your partner and work out what would be nice in an ideal situation but remember that childbirth is very unpredictable.
I've had 4 babies. The first was born after 26 hours in labour and needed some help breathing so was taken straight away by the midwife. I felt faint and awful after anyway so my husband did most of the holding.
My other 3 were c sections so my husband held the baby whilst I was stitched back up.
I did skin to skin after. No problems bonding or feeding any of them.

With ds, he was placed directly on my chest and it would have felt so strange to have him passed straight to dh. It also felt strangely like the reward for what I’d just done if you see what I mean? It made all the last few hours of hell worth it to hold my beautiful baby and I didn’t get a rush of inhibitions about being half naked in front of strangers because I was so distracted by the bundle. He was then cleaned up a bit and given to dh to skin to skin while I was stitched up. Obviously if I hadn’t been in a state to hold him it would have been fine to have him passed to dh, but in an ideal scenario baby would be straight on me.

@NancyDrawed everyone here has been really helpful and has made me realise that this isn't the most important thing to focus on lol ur reply really helped calm me so thank you for ur kind words

Thank you so much to everyone for their thoughts and comments on this, I will read all comments thoroughly but this has really helped me

Baby wants and needs mum. Unless something is wrong and mum or baby need tending to, mum should always be first.

Sounds like dad is on a ego trip and wants to be able to say he held both his children first. Rubbish. Baby needs and wants you and only you in that first instance

Immediately after birth you have a hormone surge which allows colostrum to flow more freely.

If you're planning on breastfeeding immediate skin to skin and a big feed can set your baby up well for the following few days while feeding is established. If you can and you want to, it's beneficial. But if things don't go to plan nothing is irreversible. I got in a right tizz as I ended up with an EMCS and DH ended up cuddling DS until I was stitched up and back from theatre. I was convinced everything would be ruined because I didn't have immediate skin to skin. DS fed beautifully though.

I didn't have skin to skin with my first daughter as things got traumatic and I needed stitched and was being sick.

My partner did the first feed and was not skin to skin.

We both have an amazing bond with our daughter who's away to be 9.

I'm in on Wednesday for a section and did feel my midwife is over pressuring for me to do first feed etc. I'm hoping everything goes fine and I can do skin to skin and first feed but I'm not gonna worry about it to much if I can't.

Generally, mum holds the baby first for skin to skin. My daughter was not held by me for 3 hours as I had a horrendous emcs.