Skin to skin

[km85]

Hi there,
I'm new here, not really sure of what I'm doing but looking for opinions lol.
I'm pregnant with my first child and to be honest even though I'm 35 I feel like I've not much knowledge of child birth etc. My partner has a little girl already and he informed me that he was the first to hold her after birth. However everything I have read really emphasises the importance of skin to skin between mum and baby right away. I just wondered what the opinion on dad holding baby first is?
Thank you for helping xxx

Maybe the circumstances of his first child meant that mum was busy being sorted out so dad held the baby?

I had skin to skin and the first feed with both of my dc while I waited for the umbilical cord to go white and the placenta to be delivered.

It used to be the standard in the 80's and 90's. Dh held all my oldest children first. It hasn't hurt them in anyway. Both my dd's born since the turn of the millennium have come to me first though.

To be honest, I don't think it really matters. It more about body temperature regulation than anything. The father can do that too, but probably easier for mum because her skin is already out anyway.

It depends is he suggesting he should be the first to hold the baby this time too?

I've just remembered, with my first I had to go into surgery shortly after birth, dh did skin to skin with Ds and fed him expressed colostrum until I had come back around. DH has fond memories of that time holding ds. But imo mum should always have baby time and skin to skin first where possible.

OH was the first to hold our baby (emergency section) and I really wish this hadn’t happened and does upset me now when I think about it.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

It depends is he suggesting he should be the first to hold the baby this time too?

He isn't suggesting it as such, I got the impression he would like it though. I wasn't too sure whether the skin to skin with mum was regarded as a major thing or not.

All 3 of my children were whisked straight off to NICU so I didn't get immediate skin to skin with any, although once I was well enough to go to see them in the unit I did do so - many hours later for all of them. We were told that either parent was fine, I thought it was to do with regulating heartbeat and breathing - although my last was born some time ago, so information might have changed.

Can I just ask why is it emphasised that it has to be mother for skin to skin? I am not going to beat myself up over not having had the births that I would have liked, I am delighted to have had three healthy children safely delivered, but I am curious as to the reasoning behind that.

If you want to hold the baby first I would just go for that if possible (obviously sometimes it's not physically possible). I held ds as soon as he was born and it was - and always will be - the best moment of my life (just my own experience). Your DH might have his own wishes but frankly yours are more important when it comes to childbirth seeing as you're the one actually going through it and if you want to hold the baby first then that's a wish that should be respected.

Having said that there is plenty of time for skin to skin further down the line. I only just stopped doing it with ds and he'll be 3 in august! It's magical to me.

Depends on the type of delivery. Also depends what you want. If you had a vaginally birth and were well I think the midwives would think it odd if the baby went straight to your DP.

@TheBabyAteMyBrain

Maybe the circumstances of his first child meant that mum was busy being sorted out so dad held the baby?

I had skin to skin and the first feed with both of my dc while I waited for the umbilical cord to go white and the placenta to be delivered.

I don't want to speak bad of anyone as obviously there's a lot of emotion flying around but just appears as if mum didn't want to do skin to skin with his first child. I just feel due to fact he had this first time around he would like it again but I'm just not sure what's best.

Both mine were C sections, so dh held them in theatre. (I was offered to have them on my chest straight away but felt too shaky.) I had dc1 skin to skin as soon as I was in recovery, and stayed that way for a good couple of hours. With dc2, I went into shock, so dh held her in recovery whole I had warming blankets, fluids etc. Did skin to skin as soon as I was able to. Breastfed both, have a brilliant bond with both.

@NancyDrawed

All 3 of my children were whisked straight off to NICU so I didn't get immediate skin to skin with any, although once I was well enough to go to see them in the unit I did do so - many hours later for all of them. We were told that either parent was fine, I thought it was to do with regulating heartbeat and breathing - although my last was born some time ago, so information might have changed.

Can I just ask why is it emphasised that it has to be mother for skin to skin? I am not going to beat myself up over not having had the births that I would have liked, I am delighted to have had three healthy children safely delivered, but I am curious as to the reasoning behind that.

What I have taken from the information I was given is that yes it's to do with breathing etc but it's felt it's best mum does it as it helps with the bonding process. I personally couldn't see that it would make a massive difference, I felt maybe it was just about who physically could hold first or if one parent felt more strongly about it etc

If it’s skin to skin with a parent, does it matter which? I wasn’t well so didn’t have skin to skin with my son, he was with my OH. I had plenty of contact with him bfing him pretty much constantly in the first weeks.

Are you planning on breastfeeding?

I think it does matter but as much as the parent thinks it does.

@Aliceandthemarchhare

I think it does matter but as much as the parent thinks it does.

So u would recommend straight to mum? Also hadn't decided on the breast feeding yet.

It is encouraged. I think it's supposed to help with temperature, breath and heartbeat regulation as the baby has to learn how to do those things and it's easier with the mother's body as a template because this template is familiar to the baby due to pregnancy. It also helps breastfeeding as it enables the baby to prioritise finding the breast in its first moments. So it's medically advised. It's not always possible but it's medically advised.

I guess you could look into it and discuss with your midwife and come up with a plan with your DP.

Also agree with a pp that you, as the one giving birth, are priority here. So what you want takes precedence.

"TheBabyAteMyBrain
Maybe the circumstances of his first child meant that mum was busy being sorted out so dad held the baby?

I had skin to skin and the first feed with both of my dc while I waited for the umbilical cord to go white and the placenta to be delivered.
I don't want to speak bad of anyone as obviously there's a lot of emotion flying around but just appears as if mum didn't want to do skin to skin with his first child. I just feel due to fact he had this first time around he would like it again but I'm just not sure what's best."

When I had dd I was too busy being sick and feeling faint I couldn't hold her. They handed her to me and I had to hand her straight to her dad. Not in any way that I didn't want skin to skin I literally thought I was going to drop her. It might have been similar. They do encourage skin to skin if you can do it and I loved it as soon as I was able. I successfully ebf too so it didn't have any impact on that.

@SuziQuatrosFatNan

It is encouraged. I think it's supposed to help with temperature, breath and heartbeat regulation as the baby has to learn how to do those things and it's easier with the mother's body as a template because this template is familiar to the baby due to pregnancy. It also helps breastfeeding as it enables the baby to prioritise finding the breast in its first moments. So it's medically advised. It's not always possible but it's medically advised.

I guess you could look into it and discuss with your midwife and come up with a plan with your DP.

I just want to do what's best for baby where possible obviously. I know my partner won't have an issue with it either way, he just likes to be as involved as possible, where possible.

I specifically asked NOT for the baby to be handed to me straight away.
They are all covered in blood and other gunk and I couldn't think of anything worse.

Both my babies were cleaned up a bit, wrapped up, and then passed to me.

Both are now fine young adults with no attachment issues.

@MrsFin

I specifically asked NOT for the baby to be handed to me straight away. They are all covered in blood and other gunk and I couldn't think of anything worse.

Both my babies were cleaned up a bit, wrapped up, and then passed to me.

Both are now fine young adults with no attachment issues.

See this was my initial reaction to it all. I couldn't understand not cleaning a baby first lol so would have been quite happy for dad to hold first but it's just I wondered what's best for baby

I always had the baby passed straight to me for a cuddle and a feed while dad cut the cord and I delivered the placenta, then he has a hold for 10 mins or so while I get out the pool and get myself comfortable, then a good hour skin on skin with me. I couldn't have waited to hold them after I'd just pushed them out! My youngest is only 8 weeks so shes not assed about her dad or anyone else at the moment but my 2yo I did the exact same and she has an amazing bond with her dad. Newborns just want their mum for a long time and it doesn't affect them bonding with dad/gps/siblings long term

@MrsFin

I specifically asked NOT for the baby to be handed to me straight away. They are all covered in blood and other gunk and I couldn't think of anything worse.

Both my babies were cleaned up a bit, wrapped up, and then passed to me.

Both are now fine young adults with no attachment issues.

Lol, this was me with my first. Gave birth alone after going into labor in the middle of the night, leaving a letter for my husband at the time on the fridge telling him I'd let him know when I was done, and then illegally drove myself to the hospital. When poor dd1 was born, they tried handing her to me and I was pushing her away, telling the midwife to take her and clean her up first because she looked like a glob of phlegm.

In my defence, it was 1985, I was 17 and drugged off my face.

My babies turned out ok, and the midwives didn't bat an eyelid.

There's a lot of pressure on new mothers to do things the "right" way, but your baby will thrive best if you're thriving.