NEW MUMS TO BE READ THIS- labour isn't always terrible

[Minkus]

Well that's a bit of a lie but what I meant is that just because it's terrible desn't mean that it's not positive, if that makes sense.

Yes it bloody hurts like nothing before. BUT- you can do it. It's what your body is made for and it won't hurt forever. My ds was born 1 week early, waters broke at home at 11pm contractions started at midnight, we were in the hospital by 02:30 and he was born at 03:18. Used my tens machine from the start of contractions and had 10 mins of gas and air in hospital (they took it away as it was making me too comfortable to push, grrr the evil evil things )

And I felt really "able" all the way through. There was not one point when I though that I wasn't going to be able to do it, as basic an experience as labour is (lots of pain, primeval animal noises etc!) YOU CAN DO IT

This isn't a thread to boast about a "brilliant" birth experience, more to share a secret- that even if it's a bit scary and painful not all births are traumatic for the mums involved and you won't necessarily be left still telling your sorry tale to all and sundry when your children are at primary school. Not to say of course that some mums don't have a traumatic time because of course there is the flip side too.

Any more positive birth experiences to be shared out there?

Good luck new mums
xxxx

I had a work colleague tell me that "they tell you all this stuff about natural birth, but just take all the drugs you can get". I didn't dare say that I was planning a homebirth.

DS was born at home, used TENS, didn't get to the G&A. If I'm very honest, there was one scary moment where I did doubt and thought that I couldn't do it. Then my mw examined me and told me I was 8cm and nearly there. I then got a huge surge of energy and believe was heard to say things like "bring it on" , he was born about an hour or so later. I felt like I could do anything at that moment

As a first time Mum to be,I would also like to say 'Thanks' for starting this thread. People seem to delight in telling me their horror stories about childbirth, so its really refreshing to hear people speaking so positively about it. Please keep up the positive birth stories.

just to go off on a tangent, my births were all painful, but I didn't tear with any of them, so i guess I am really lucky - but DS1's I found very frightening, and really felt much worse with so many people afterwards boasting about how easy their labours were - one friend even told me that I was exaggerating as hers didn't hurt at all - so even though I really hope all births go well, please be sensitive to those who have a nightmare - physically or mentally

My last labour with ds3 was FAB - stayed at home, rocked about, breathed, played on mumsnet, tried to watch tv but failed (tv crap at 2am!), breathed some more, had a bath - then waters broke and got to the hospital fully dilated and ready to push - no pain relief at all and was out in 15mins DS2 totally different but won't go there but can say if I'd known what I know now - I would never have had an epidural, would have learnt to breathe properly and would have stayed upright. It really does make an enormous difference - also finding out as much as possible about the labouring process - not scare stories either

Giving birth can be the most amazing experience - I was lucky that it was for me, absolutely life-changing.
I cannot for the life of me work out what made it so. (And believe me, I'm no slouch at trying to analyse this!)
I think it's important to recognise that it's not the same for some, and for reasons that are not under their control. (ie don't be too hard on those who tell their story and it isn't what you want to hear.) Your state of mind plays a big part but it's not the be-all and end-all. I went in, OP baby, having recently had a week in hospital with hyperemesis, weak as anything, planned an epidural - and just didn't need it. Whatever was going on, it wasn't just my state of mind.
Birth is not simple.
But it can be wonderful and the results are fabulous.

Just wanted to add my agreement that even if everything doesn't go completely to plan, it's still the most amazing experience! dd was born with forceps / episiotomy etc which was my worst nightmare, but actually was a lot less dreadful in reality! As soon as i met her i was so totally overwhelmed with a huge surge of love that i'm 29 weeks gone with number 2... and dd only 16 months! I've never met anyone yet who didn't think it was worth it, and don't listen to the gory stories! Mate of mine had her first last week with 4 hour start to finish labour, 8lb 11oz baby and not a single stitch! Good luck to all the first timers!

I had a home birth, no pain relief of any sort and it was fine, probably due to reassuring, quiet, non-interfering and hugely experienced midwives in attendance and a DH who believed i could do it. It was intense, very intense, but for me not actually painful. I did hypnobirthing visualisations throughout. I felt enormously powerful and, well, on rather a high actually, I felt like I could trot up Everest, I didn't come off my cloud for three days. It was a life-changing experience in the most positive sense.

My (childless) best friend told me that "perhaps if I got all this silly natural hippy home birth stuff out of my system this time around, I'd learn how horrific birth is and next time I might just get to a hospital and take all the drugs instead."

I think that comment really helped me to get through it at home with just G&A and I really hope it opened her eyes to the possibilty that birth doesn't have to be hospitalised hell!

I had a homebirth with a TENS machine for the first stage and nothing for the 2nd. Whole thing lasted about 7 hours. DD was 9lb 12 and I did tear, which meant I did get to try the gas and air while they stitched me up. Like VegetatingPossum (LOL ) I wouldn't say it was actually painful - and I'd also listened to Natal Hypnotherapy CDs before hand and had 2 wonderful experienced midwives that gave me a lot of confidence in myself. I also used independent midwives so I had a chance to get to know them in advance.

I kept telling myself that every single female ancestor I ever had has succesfully given birth one way or another (or I wouldn't be here!) - so why on earth shouldn't I?

Thank you for this thread.
I am due in a couple of weeks and I have heard nothing but horror stories from all the new mums.
Fortunately my sisters have been great. They've all had numerous children and they just keep telling me, yes, it is painful but of course you can do it. I prefer the positive encouragement and I am trying not to get overwhelmed by the negative.

it is a lovely story, but it is also important not to have too high expectations. I was terribly disappointed when after 40 hours of labour i had to have an emergency c section. I felt i had 'failed'. After going to NCT classes where they all tell you that you can do it and won;t need drugs etc, and then i had all these beliefs about how i would do it and it didn't work out that way at all. So don't be hard on yourself if the baby doesn't pop out after two hours and you need more than gas and air, and be prepared for all possibilities.

well said, ruty - I felt very disappointed and shocked that after all my preparation that things didn't go peachily. I agree an open mind is the most important thing

Totally agree to keep an open mind - I think this thread is just to counter the fact that everyone (mainly in RL) only ever volunteers the horror stories.

What's lovely about this thread is it encourages a positive frame of mind, rather than fear of the unknown. As MrsS said, it counts for a lot.

I've had 4 fantastic births. The first was hard work, but all managable and progressively easier.

When I had my first I felt there was a little 'competitiveness' over who's had the worse time within my RL ante-natal group. I felt a bit embarrassed to say "well actually it was fine!

Although my labour was LONG (26 hours), it was a wonderful experience, yes it was painful and I opted for an epidural after about 20 hours because I was so tired but I felt AMAZING at the end of it all. I pushed this amazing little man into the world all by myself. How brilliant is it to be a woman?

Am looking forward to the next one!!

Have only read OP & a few random posts, but just to add - I'm another one who had two positive birth experiences (one positively transcendental). I agree that these stories aren't out there enough.
Fwiw one of the reasons I keep toying with a third is I'd love to give birth again

What a lovely thread.

I had two home births. First was a bit long and drawn out, but managed with Tens machine and a bit of G&A. Seemed to push for ages, but was a fantastic feeling of achievement when DD born.

Second Home birth was magical. I had a pool at home, and that was it for pain releif. I really managed to get into my own space and just go with it. 2 and a half hours labour and DD born in water - makes me well up inside just thinking about it nearly 4 years later!

Home midwives were fantastic, no internal exams, no tearing, just a feeling at all times that they were there if you needed them, and that they beleived that you could do it.

I'm another one who had a fantastic, positive first birth. Just over 3 hours in active labour and really enjoyed the experience. Had a 2 minute 'can't do it' moment when the baby was crowning but then just decided I was actually superwoman and could do anything! (must have been a last minute adrenalin surge!) I can honestly say it was the best day of my life
Am currently 33 weeks pg with number 2 and hoping for a repeat experience..

It sometimes feels like you shouldn't say when labour's been ok - people give you funny looks! mine was long, and exhausting, but amazing, and really not very painful! It felt like such a special time - with DP and the MW and my body and DD doing and sharing this amazing thing. Had to have a ventouse at the end after three hours of pushing to no avail, and had to have an epidural at that stage, but till then 23 hours on tens machine no worries! I was so exhausted by the end that i was falling asleep between contractions! But had an hour's kip while dd had to be checked in special care (she was fine) - we were reunited and I felt totally refreshed and just really rather clever - at no stage felt it was something i could never go through again. In fact I look forward to it!

Yes, giving birth is grand. The best. Shame I have to endure the NHS while doing it...

thanks for this! I have 3 weeks to go and all i can think about is- HUGE bump/ Small hole. Great to hear lovely stories

When dd was born I had a good experience. I started with contractions at 4am but waited an hour or so before waking dh to make sure I was definately in labour. By 6am I ran a bath to make myself comfortable and it did the trick for a while. The Midwife arrived at 8am, just when gas and air felt like a good idea. I bounced on my birthing ball with the gas and air for the next few hours having a laugh with the midwives. I'm not sure when I started to push but dd was born at 11.30am. The crowning certainly hurt but by then I knew I was nearly there so it felt like positive pain! The best part was I got to relax in my own bed afterwards.

You're right about the number of horror stories. I had two very quick births - 4 hours with ds1 and 3 hours with ds2.

I actually felt guilty about this, as if I hadn't really given birth to them, because I didn't have anything horrible to say!

Best advice I would give anyone about to give birth is to be prepared to be unprepared - but just trust yourself.

Giving birth is one of the most postively fulfilling, exciting and bonding experiences. I have had three straight forward natural births, none of them in a hospital (Two at home and one in a midwife unit), all using a pool and mimimal gas /air. The pool is such a great way to relieve pain - imagine wallowing in warm scented water! All the NHS midwives I have used have been really supportive and caring. Enjoy!

Re the huge bump/small hole thing
That hole is stretchy! Your cervix is very stretchy!
I was reading Ina May Gaskin today, about how men have a view of the whole stretchiness/expansion thing, that is limited by their observation that penises expand so far and no further - well, women are way better at stretching and expanding than men, it's just all internal, so we/they don't see it. Interesting....