Opinions on childcare during labour...

[lovelsa]

So I have two little boys (at the time of Baby #3's delivery they will be 4.5 and 3), and my main concern around delivery is actually what to do with childcare.

My family all live in the States, so no option there to have them watch the boys. My sis-in-law is lovely and helped with my eldest when my second was born, but she was luckily not working that day so could take him; I was also out of the hospital around 5:30pm that evening so I was able to be home to put #1 to bed etc. The boys do go to nursery, so it would be handy if I went into labour when they were there (but obvs can't plan that lol).

We spoke to my MIL and asked if she would come down to ours (she lives about 2.5 or so hours away). We said she could stay at ours or we could book a hotel for a week for her near us, but she instead said she would have the boys for the week before and the week after my due date at her home. I trust her and she is super lovely, but their house isn't the most kid-friendly, and I haven't ever spent more than one night away from the boys and it kind of freaks me out a little! Like not even baby steps - just cold turkey two weeks away. Not opposed to having her watch them, just seems like a big jump!

My hubby thinks it's a great idea, and she has already booked 2 weeks off. I'm just not sure what to say?

She was supposed to help when I went into labour with #2, but told us she could come down the following day...not very helpful! lol

Any ideas or suggestions from people with previous experiences with managing childcare during labour?

I'd ask their keyworker at nursery to be your emergency childcare. They are local, know the kids and would probably be grateful to earn extra

@lovelsa I agree 2 weeks is far too long you will likely be super emotional and will really miss them. Have you got a good friend you could have on stand by if they aren't at nursery or your sis in law isn't available ?

Honestly I think having them leave their home and primary carers for two weeks only to be greeted with a new tiny usurper on their return is the worst possible plan for future sibling harmony.

Our friends were in a worse situation recently, all their family in Australia and nobody able to travel for obvious reasons. We agreed to be their backup: our children are in nursery together, and we were happy to take their little one as long as required. In the end, she gave birth in nursery hours and her husband picked their daughter up and took her home to bed, then we took her the next morning so he could go back and visit.

Do you have any friends nearby? Its unlikely it'll be a days-long labour with number two. I think it would make more sense for your MIL to agree to come down but you should be firm that you're not sending your boys away that long, its madness.

How would your MIL take it if you were honest (maybe not completely honest) but just say they have everything they need already set up at your home. And, as they have not been far from home before, they may be easier to manage somewhere they are comfortable.

This is a lovely gesture and sure she feels like she's being really helpful but totally understand why you're not keen. I couldn't wait to get back to my son when my daughter was born and let them meet each other.

Also unless you already know you're having a planned c section then you don't know what date it'll be so she may have the wrong time off work.

With my daughter my best friend was on stand by & she got a call at 4am to drive up to our house (45 mins away). Fortunately it was nursery day so she didn't actually have to look after him too long & my husband came home by about 10pm. Personally I'd definitely try and find a better solution but it's a difficult one to refuse without seeming rude.

I hired a doula but used her solely for childcare rather than to aupport me during the birth. It worked well as she was on call for us around my due date.

I think the risk of sending them to granny is that they feel pushed out by the new baby.
Ask someone at the nursery if they’ll be on standby but ask granny again to come to you and explain you don’t want the children to feel they’ve been sent away because of the baby.

We live in Germany and our family are in the UK. A friend has agreed to look after DS2 when I go into labour. We are having regular playdates so he gets used to her/her family/her house.

Lots of children go to stay with a grandparent when their mum is in labour! No reason for them to feel pushed out if you explain it to them.

It's also not really the time to be thinking about best practice, you've got to go with what is practical and possible.

We are in a different country to our families and I'm due with no 2 in a few weeks. DH is staying at home to look after DD and I'll be delivering alone at hospital. It is what it is.

@BertieBotts I don't really have an issue with them staying with their grandparents, I think my concern is that they are 2.5 hours away and 2 weeks just seems like a really long time when they haven't been away from me for more than one night (not that I wouldn't love a long weekend away, it's just how things have played out). My in laws house also isn't the most kid friendly, which is another little anxious point (which is probably irrelevant, but when is anxiety ever rational lol)

@Woodpecker22 Thanks for the suggestion! I'll have to look into that!

@HumunaHey We did suggest this. We said she could come stay at ours or if my father in law wants to come with her, we could get them/pay for a hotel for them (he's in a wheelchair and can't do the stairs at our house etc). Could just get a flexible hotel booking that we could move if we needed to/book one last minute.

They used to live about 30 minutes from where we are, so suggested they could use it as a little vacation and see old friends etc. But she came back with the "stay with us for two weeks" and my hubby said "that's a great idea" to her before discussing it with me...men lol.

@ReggaetonLente This could be us also!
I have 3 kids, and no one to leave them with.
I'm praying for a home birth if all goes well. So child care won't matter. If not will be having baby on my own! X

We were lucky last time, hubby brother wasn't working he worked part time then, his also not seen the kids in 5 years so it wouldn't work.
We were suppose to actually have hubby mum, we said it would be that night (contractions all day on and off). However she went to bed at 8pm and we couldn't get through! (She hasn't bothered in years either doesn't do Xmas or birthday presents).
So no way are we asking them.
I honestly lost how mine got to meet each other straight away.
My oldest was only 20 months at the time (she has asd and gdd) so she didn't really notice as was like a baby her self.
However when number 3 came home it was magical, older 2 met her when she was 5
Hours old as soon as we were home they got a cuddle and a present from baby.
We were a new bigger family. To me it felt important to be together.
However I never ever have anyone to leave mine with ever. I know it's normal for some families to leave the kids at grandparents for weeekends or weeks away etc.
For us it's just not available.

Good luck @Skymum82 i hope it doesn't come to it for you! We are at peace with it now, i know i can do it alone

@ReggaetonLente good luck to you! When are you due! Your brave. I think I prob could but would miss my hubby being there.
I'm not thinking about the birth until a few weeks before as I will know more then lol.

@Skymum82 So tough! Really my biggest concern around labour! I'm just not brave enough to do a home birth. I've known enough people personally that have had emergencies during labour that it just makes me feel more anxious to think about a home birth. But I totally see the appeal!

@Skymum82 We were lucky last time that my eldest was a lot nursery and I went into labour at about 11:30, little one was born around 1:45 and we were home around 6pm. So my SIL happened to be off work that day and was able to collect Henry from nursery and we met them at home.

My MIL was on call to drive down in case we were in the hospital overnight. When my SIL called her to tell her I was in labour, my MIL response was "ok, well I'll drive down tomorrow morning"...sorry, not how it works!!! Luckily we were home that night. But I was pretty annoyed. And another reason why I'm kind of dubious about her offer!

@lovelsa I totally get you not wanting to do it on your own.
I have only heard positive stories of home birthday my aunty had 2 (at 39 and 41), my cousin had 4. I have always been to nervous esp as my first was born not breathing and rushed to nicu then ended up on scbu. However 2nd and third were water births. 3rd I felt frustrated I had to stay in hospital for 4 hours 😂🤦🏼‍♀️.
I'm hoping to have a relaxing birth but will see.
Your mil sounds like mine. You really can't reali on them. Also sounds it has to be her way. It's very frustrating as it's something you don't want to stress about.
I'm really hoping for school hour birth 😂🤦🏼‍♀️. The last 2 were 12.30am and 4 am lol so not feeling positive. My first was 32 hours so doesn't count lol. Although all 3 were good first was born 39+6 and the last 2 came on due date! 😂. Fx lol

No. How will they feel - bundled off to aGranny they barely know, they come back and find a little interloper has arrived. You are making a family. If she can't come to you ask nursery if any of the staff could help out, friends. I made a rota for the 2 weeks run up with friends, family, some close colleagues that knew my daughter, everyone was delighted to be asked to be on standby.

If you're not happy with childcare options available maybe have hubby at home, then he can come for a few hours when baby is born (a lot of hospitals only have few hours visiting anyway) easier to find care for a visiting slot that a possible long labour or middle of the night.

That's my plan. We have not many people available that I am happy to leave my son with and his nana struggles with longer than a couple of hours.