37+1 FTM, no idea what to expect

[Newmum29]

I finished work and am waiting for my first child to arrive. No idea what to expect, have done childbirth classes and am now up to weekly midwife appointments but struggling to know what’s normal. She’s 27th percentile for weight so I doubt she’ll be here before her due date (13/4) and I’m trying to brace myself for the fact she could be up to 2 weeks late.

I’m keen to avoid induction if possible as all my friends and S/SIL who had them say the births were painful due to the contractions coming on so fast. Most ended up with emergency c sections, I’m not opposed to one but my worst fear is induction/failed epidural/forceps/episiotomy, know this is unlikely.

I’ve got GAD and am seeing a psychologist plus a mental health midwife and have been doing heaps of meditation, light exercise and recently started the raspberry leaf capsules and tea plus bouncing on the Swiss ball in the evenings. Any other tips to keep me sane?

Hi, I'm about two weeks behind you and also wondering much of the same things. May I ask what a GAD is?
I had an induction which ended in an emergency c-section 9 years ago so I'm really hoping to avoid that this time as I was put to sleep for the section and missed a lot of what happened immediately after my son was born, I also have very little memory of the whole experience so this feels like the first time all over again!

No worries, generalised anxiety disorder

It’s the hardest thing because you aren’t in control of this. Baby is coming out and it could go so many different ways.
What you can control is how you approach it. I was terrified of birth and imagined days or agonising labour ending in EMCS or forceps and being damaged for life. I was meant to be induced.

In the end my induction failed, had a short spontaneous labour and couldn’t have an epidural. It was not the birth I feared or imagined/planned. Having done it, I’d say the worst bit was the fear. It was nowhere near as bad in reality as it was in my head. The pain was terrible and yet also ok, totally different to illness or injury.

It will be ok, once baby is here you won’t care how. And whatever way it goes, you will do it, because you have no choice. What I realised was that it was the start of putting baby before me. Ever since that day, what I want/need/feel comes second. It’s very strange, but very powerful and has actually really helped my anxiety. I worried it would amplify it, but in my case it’s dampened it right down, it seemed to flick a switch and make most of my intrusive thoughts disappear.

You are strong. You’re going to do this

I had my boy back in September. I was induced and as a first time Mum, I have nothing to compare it to but my labour was lovely. Before he was born we'd pretty much already decided we only wanted one baby, so the thought of never getting to experience that feeling again is upsetting.

My waters were broken and I was put on the drip. Contractions started fairly quickly and gas and air did the job for the first 5 hours or so. After a failed epidural I had diamorphine which was fine at the time, but it sent me away with the fairies, it wore off before my boy was born which I'm glad about as I don't think I would've managed as well if I were still 'under the influence' while pushing. It did however manage to chill me out enough to stay still for another chance at an epidural which worked a dream. Even managed to get some sleep. In total, I laboured for 11 hours. Honestly, if you want it, get the epidural. My main worry was feeling a disconnect while pushing if I couldn't feel anything down there you still feel while pushing (or at least I did) but it just helps so much with the contractions.

I read the positive birth book during pregnancy and it spoke a lot about feeling empowered during labour. It sounded like a load of crap to be honest, but I look back and it is such an empowering feeling. There's no better feeling than that moment when you've pushed them out. It actually makes me sad thinking that I will never experience that again. If you've got time to kill over the ndxt couple of weeks, maybe give it a read (some bits are a bit much though, some mums refer to childbirth as feeling orgasmic.....)

We did have a rough time as I suffered a bleed, and my boy was born with a rare genetic disorder that we were unaware of, so maybe I look back with rose tinted glasses, as labour was the easy part 😂 but even the morning after, I didn't feel as if the labour itself was that bad.

You've got this. I know it's scary when you don't know what to experience, but just remember, people normally share the bad on these forums as that sticks in your head more. I was dead set on avoiding induction, tried everything in the book to get him out naturally, but he was having none of it.

Congratulations and I wish you all the best. You'll do great mama!

The best thing I did (as a worrier and a control freak) was to accept baby is coming out but I don’t get to decide how/when. A midwife worded it to me as the baby decides and they don’t read your plan which I weirdly found reassuring.
My waters broke overnight then by the next day my labour kicked in and I got my baby, gas and air vaginal birth. It was such a natural high afterwards which I’m sure is the same however you deliver. Sure it hurt but overall very positive and straightforward, plus he came 4 days early!
By 38 weeks I was so fed up and uncomfortable I would have gone along with any birth option if it meant getting the baby out! 😅

Thanks so much guys, I really appreciate the wise words x

You have the potential of going to 42 weeks but it really is unpredictable. I have friends that had their babies at bang on 38 weeks, 42+ weeks and I was right in the middle at 40 weeks.

You can refuse induction and have daily monitoring or you can have an elective c-section.

I'm sure you've heard of tons of different experiences of birth - good and bad - and I'm not going to share mine on this post because it was an extremely traumatic emergency section and I don't think that'll help your mindset.

All I would say is that perhaps you should genuinely consider having an elective c-section. They are very controlled experiences, calm, you know what day you're going in and all being well, you'll be discharged the next day.

Thank you, I’ve definitely considered asking for an elective c section. It’s tough because I’m in the public system and there’s a lot of pressure to “try” natural. My mum has 2 electives after a forceps delivery and my sister had 2 EMC so part of me thinks genetically I’m unlikely to even be able to give birth naturally.

None of the negatives of a c section really worry me as much as natural birth either. My partner will be off for 6 weeks and is extremely hands on so will be happy to “help” while I’m in recovery. It’s my first child so no heavy lifting of a toddler etc. I also don’t plan on having more than 2 children (and maybe only 1) so it’s not as if I’m going to put myself at risk for future childbirth.

@Newmum29 I strongly considered ELCS due to my anxiety but really glad I didn’t. I was literally terrified of forceps and episiotomy but I needed neither in the end. I was prepped for episiotomy but last minute didn’t need it, but at that point I’d have sawn my own leg off if they suggested it as the fear had gone.

Thanks Megan, it’s nice to hear from someone who doesn’t regret going for a vaginal birth. I’ve got an appointment with a pelvic floor physio on Thursday and am hoping to get a bit of reassurance that I can give birth vaginally (I’ve got a fear that I’m too tense downstairs!)

As I’ve got into the last few weeks, she’s kicking so much I’m finding it hard to stay comfy. Also get these really weird pulling sensations in my hip flexors (ligament spasms?!) which freak me out although I know it’s normal..

Keeping this updated for my own sanity. Had a good meeting with the midwife this morning and feeling a bit more settled. She explained even if I do end up needing a c section the prospects for my baby are better if I’ve gone into natural labour first. Gave me an incentive to try! I also wondered if anyone could advise on a belly band post birth? Not sure if they help the recovery process but know I’ll be feeling low if I still look super pregnant post birth and want to feel like myself again.

Hey @Newmum29, glad you had a good catch up with your midwife, it’s definitely worth giving it a go ☺️ Whatever happens you’ll have your beautiful baby at the end!
I don’t know anything about belly bands but just wanted to say I shrunk a lot quicker than I thought I would after birth, I’d say well within a week most of the swelling had gone. Plus I know it’s cliche to say but I really didn’t care, pre-baby I was no gym addict but I did try to stay in shape but it’s taken me until now (baby is 8 weeks old) to actually even think about toning up again. My adorable new baby (combined with sheer exhaustion) was all I could think about! And still is I guess. (Just slightly less exhaustion now!)
Be kind to yourself you’re growing a person x

Thank you, made me a bit teary 😂

So I’m still a week away from my due date but am experiencing a lot of back pain and period style cramping. Still no mucus plug (some spotting) and waters definitely haven’t broken. Midwife says all is normal. Definitely head engaged but could be another 2 weeks. Feels a bit relentless but guess it’s just a case of put up and wait? Am walking lots, doing perineal massage and have started collecting colostrum. Anything else worth doing?