If you have had a traumatic birth first time, while to get over it?

[TOWGA]

Basically with my first I had a very traumatic birth, failed induction, emergency c section then sepsis afterwards. I put it behind me as something that just happened.
I'm 26 weeks with my second, nearly 3 years later and it's creeping back into my thoughts, what if it happens again etc. Any tips?

Hi Op, I had similar to you with DC1 (but without the sepsis, you poor thing, what a lot to recover from!)
When I was pregnant with DC2 I was offered a meeting with a special Midwife (not sure of her official title) but it was specifically to go over what happened with DC1 and how they could reassure me and make a plan for birth of DC2. It really really helped, I could be completely honest and she was able to answer lots of my questions. Perhaps something similar would be available for you?

I was able to go to a different hospital for my second as I was really terrified of having bad memories if I went back there. I essentially live equidistant from both hospitals so recognise this isn't an option for everyone.

Other than that, I talked about my experience with other people (friends/NCT group/Mumsnet) and that seemed to help.

Hello, I had a traumatic first birth. I was diagnosed with PTSD following. I undertook something called the 3 step rewind with a Doula, it’s based on NLP therapy. It may help Op, it did me.

Thanks everyone, I am giving birth in the same hospital I did last time! I was thinking of a planned c section this time but I don't know what I do want atm!

Me. My first birth was utterly horrendous. No exaggeration we're both lucky to have survived it.

I had a planned CS for my second (and last).

I wouldn't have gone through birth a second time. I knew before I got pregnant second time I was guaranteed a planned CS, because of the first one (medically).

It was absolutely wonderful. Calm, easy, lovely. No complications. Recovery was a bit sore but nothing in comparison to my 'natural' birth and I was up and about looking after a toddler and newborn after 3 weeks.

Good luck.

My first baby was a dreadful birth, induction, forceps, post partum haemorrhage and NICU for my baby. I had a debrief with a specialist midwife as I was having flashbacks which helped and then once I was pregnant with my 2nd baby (4 years later) I discussed with my consultant that I absolutely did not want to have the pitocin drip if I was induced. I did have to be induced in the end and after the various pessaries nothing was happening and I was getting closer to the deadline for a drip and having my waters broken so I said I was having a section. I had to stand firm as the Obstetrician wasn't overly happy but when I insisted and explain that I'd been about 5 minutes away from a crash section with my daughter then it was agreed.
Honestly my c section was so nice. It was all very calm my baby was having skin to skin with me within 20 minutes of being born and I recovered much faster than I had with my forceps and episiotomy/blood transfusion/infected episiotomy. I was pushing him in his pram at 6 days and felt great. I never felt cheated out of a natural birth or anything, it was brilliant.

Thanks I'm sorry for all your traumatic births too, I feel bad from my first born as she was born at 11.40 and my first memory of her is at 7pm that evening, as I so poorly as was she, I'm leaning more towards a planned c section this time, I'm just nervous, if I go into labour before then!

I had PTSD after my first. I had CBT talking therapy before I got pregnant with my second. I would suggest you ask your midwife if there's a perinatal mental health specialist you could speak to. My trauma was mainly around the length of my labour and lack of pain relief. While I was pregnant I saw a consultant to put in place a pin relief plan for if I had another very long labour.

I also wrote down a summary of my first labour and wht I was scared, so that when I was in labour my DH could show this to anyone who saw me. This meant I didn't keep having to repeat the story and they were probably more careful about wording around pain relief etc with me.

Good luck!

I've posted this before, but I had a dreadful first birth, 30 hours, shoulder dystocia, massive episiotomy, foreceps, post partum haemorrhage, all the things! I felt really traumatised for such a long time afterwards and managed to get an ELCS with my DD as a result. One of my overriding feelings was that I was weak and couldn't handle the situation.

The day that I went in for my ELCS, when I got into the room to get ready, my notes were just casually lying on the side. Of course curiosity got the better of me and I had a look, it was the notes, almost minute by minute, from my first, horiffic birth. I read them cover to cover and I saw that it really was just an extremely difficult birth, it wasn't my fault at all, and I actually did really well in the circumstances. All of the worry left me and I was able to get complete closure and finally move on.

A debrief/look at the notes from your first birth might help you to feel a bit more settled. Lots of luck

Would I be able to talk it through nearly 3 years later? Consultant when I spoke to her on the phone at 16 weeks knew about my sepsis and was sympathetic but I felt when I said I wanted a planned c section, that I shouldn't be asking for it.

My first is now 4 and I’m still having trouble going ahead with a second. We’ve decided we will try this year but I’m none too thrilled. Pregnancy was the worst part for me but a 48 hour labour ending in a c section didn’t help. The pain of contractions over such a long time hasn’t ever really left me.

I posted on another thread about my experience the first time which was horrendous. I did see the perinatal mental health after and they said I had trauma and it should go with time. I’m pregnant again and due in two months, was offered a section but at the minute I am veering towards giving vaginal a chance again in the hope if it goes well I might get some closure? I might not and it could back fire and I may also get nearer the time and change my mind, but at this point I guess I hear about so many births that went well I just really want that for me, I feel sad about how bad my last experience was and as my baby was brought to the nicu I also feel I missed out with her too for a few days. I think though if you would like a section you should one hundred percent get it and so many ladies are glad to have made that choice. We went over my birth with the hospital and it helped as it was their mistakes caused the bad experience. They are going to be more careful this time so I guess hearing that has given me more confidence about trying vaginal if possible.

I really strongly recommend hypnobirthing. My first birth was horrible but I did a hypnobirthing course before my second and it was the polar opposite. I felt in control and like I better understood the science behind what my body was trying to do, and I learned all the ways I could help rather than hindering the process. Positive birth company was the one I used.

I had counselling when I was serious about conceiving dd2 as I couldn't stop crying (had obviously pushed the trauma down).

I also did regressive hypnotherapy and went back through it again which was helpful. I could see where I could do better and that made me feel powerful.

I also did hypnobirthing and went to a different hospital.

Dd2 was such a different, amazing experience it feels mind-blowing how shit one experience was and how utterly incredible the other was.

Like a pp I had a birth debrief a few months after a traumatic birth and it was so worthwhile. For me the trauma meant I couldn't remember some bits and I didn't understand what had gone wrong or why. Talking to the specialist midwife filled in all those gaps and I came away feeling so much better. Flashbacks etc stopped straight away. You could definitely have one now years later as they would go through the notes to talk about what happened. Your midwife should be able to refer you.

I’d stand my ground for a CS. My first wasn’t great, had flash backs for ages,very long augmented labour, emcs. I didn’t plan the second we had a contraceptive failure, probably best as I don’t think I could have coped with actually trying for a second after the birth experience of the first.
I booked a CS, only had to have a chat with the consultant on the phone. Was really relieved to have the CS booked until week 37 of pregnancy when I began to have serious second thoughts and was panicking. Anyway baby arrived early, I refused a CS had a straightforward vbac and still get a few flashbacks from that one but overall it was much much better than the first.
I don’t regret booking the CS as you can change your mind if you go into labour but it’s hard to swap a planned vb for a planned CS when you arrive at the hospital.

I had the same experience as @MillyMinamino. First birth was hideous, failed ventouse, forceps, 3rd degree tear, hours of repair before I was able to be with my baby.
For my second I did a one afternoon birth preparation course which gave me loads of tips & ideas to help with labour & to help make me feel more in control & more aware of what was happening & how to help myself.
I went into labour number 1 totally blind, don't know if that was the reason it was so awful but it definitely didn't help.
You can definitely ask for a birth reflections / debrief service to help you process what happened & address any fears moving forwards. For me it helped to try & remember the were two totally separate events, just because birth one was awful there was no reason (for me, may not be true of others) for number 2 to go the same way. My midwife was so reassuring that second time would be different that I think it helped me believe it was possible
I had a lovely waterbirth with my second & hope you get the birth you want

A good three years. I then had a debrief with a senior midwife which helped me move on and decide to try for another which never actually happened 😟

Hypnotherapy helped me when I was pregnant with my second and scared.

I had gestational eczema which covered my entire body, I wasn't sleeping and eventually had fainting spells, i was allergic to my ds's hormones and they were worried about my baby so I was induced early, he was back to back so after 14 hours of trying, I failed to progress, I had an emergency section and then had an infection in my wound which meant a week long hospital stay.

I had another, I didn't get gestational eczema (my first clue it was going to be a girl), she went 11 days over so they induced me, I had begged for a vaginal birth as I was petrified of another section, I tried but my labour was identical, back to back and nothing after 14 hours, baby was distressed so I was rushed to theatre. What a completely different experience, I was calm and nothing bothered me. Dd and I were out if hospital in 2 days.

I had a horrific birth with ds, induced due to pre eclampsia, induction failed, emcs, massive pph, admitted to high dependency, started with hellp syndrome, liver & kidneys started to fail, drugged up to the eyeballs for 48 hours then dumped in a single room on post natal ward with no care, ended up discharging myself & my lovely GP looked after me at home. Had very bad pnd, was suicidal. Never managed to have a successful pregnancy afterwards, longest I managed was 16 weeks, don't think I would have coped mentally with giving birth again, still have flashbacks & nightmares & ds is 17. I had no aftercare, nobody explained why
everything went wrong or what they would do to ensure it went right next time.

My first birth was traumatic - very long failed induction, assaulted by doctor, EMCS. Somehow I had a second DC - it was a fight for an ELCS but once agreed that helped because the birth was so much better and I was in and out in 24 hours.

The problem for me is that I didn't deal with it at the time, several years later and I'm now on the waiting list for trauma therapy thanks to flashbacks and panic attacks. I also requested my notes - seeing it all in black and white helped me realise that things had happen the way I remembered and while that wasn't an improvement I no longer blamed myself for a lot of it as there were a few things I'd never been told.

Good luck

I had a horrible first birth and took a while to recover. All through the second pregnancy I was worried about giving birth but it was amazing. I went to the birthing suite and it was completely different and a fantastic natural birth and I felt back to normal after 3 days. In fact I carried on bleeding too long as the midwife said i wasn't resting enough

The big difference was i trusted my body and listened to what it was telling me. I stayed home until the last moment and was on my own at home so I could relax and my husband only came back from my work in time to drive me to the hospital.

Definitely try and arrange a debrief. These should be available regardless of how much time has passed. I was diagnosed with PTSD after my first child was born (pre-eclampsia, HDU , induction and crash c-section after a long period of infertility treatment) and had treatment for this.

When pregnant had meetings with a senior midwife to discuss my birth plan. She was effectively an advocate for my needs. I was adamant I didn't want an induction but as time went on kept changing my mind. However the hospital were clear that they would support me in whatever I wanted to do. I was booked in for a c-section but was adjusting my birth plan right up to the last minute.

In the end I was really favourable for induction (I'd done a lot of reading in Bishop's score) agreed to ahead with induction with a really low tolerance for a c-section. In the end I had a very rapid straightforward VBAC following induction. However, I had so much support from the hospital that I felt very much in control and hopefully with the right support you'll feel the same. Definitely contact Birth Reflections or the Head of Midwives.

My first birth was so very traumatic that I decided not to have any more children. What I was put through was affected me deeply for a long time.

13 years later I had an second baby in my early 40's. I was open and honest with the obstetrician and midwife and I also agreed to be the "subject" for a student midwife.

Goodness what a different experience! I had a lovely calm natural birth, even though my son was 9.5lbs. I am so glad I had a second chance and a positive birth experience. I wish you the very best OP