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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Has anyone used a Doula

27 replies

needahand · 01/11/2007 15:13

Hi everyone, I have just found out that I am expecting again. With my DS labout was very long and painful (36hours and threw up throughout!). I had to beg for all the drugs in the book. This time I am hoping to have a slighlty more agreeable experience (and less gruesome) and was thinking of using a Doula.

Did anyone do that? Did it help? Would you recommend one or was it just of no assistance?

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tasja · 01/11/2007 15:22

Just wanted to say that I wanted to have a doula but everything just happened so fast for me, there wasn't time to book her. Only met her at 33 weeks and DD was born on 35 weeks.
As we have no family nearby, DH said he wished we had a doula, just for the times that he wanted to go out for fresh air and maybe get something to eat of drink. Because I didn't let him go anywhere. he had to stay with me at all times

lennygirl · 01/11/2007 15:40

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Dinosaur · 01/11/2007 15:42

Yes, I had one for the birth of DS3 and found her very good, very comforting and reassuring, not only for me but for DH too!

needahand · 01/11/2007 17:45

Thanks to all

Lennygirl I have to say I am also thinking of an independant midwive, hesitating between the two. I just desperately want things to be as different as is within my control this time.

Dinosaur, could you expand on your experience? How did it help? What did she do, did you find it intrusinve at all?

tasja, know what you mean that is my other concern as with DD I went into premature labour at 32 weeks (which was then stopped). That is why I am starting to think about it now so that I have a chance to arrange everything in time for a possible second premature labour.

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lennygirl · 01/11/2007 19:49

Message withdrawn

morocco · 01/11/2007 20:18

i had an hbac with a doula and she was fab. the room was a bit crowded but i remember feeling so cherished with all these caring people around me during the labour. she did lots of back rubs, helped get the pool set up, helped afterwards but part of her aceness was just supporting me in an hbac and i felt so much better 'just in case' things started to go downhill

needahand · 02/11/2007 07:39

Lennygirl: that is definitely food for thought, I might look at the im route as well

Morocco: what would you recommend I ask a doula when I meet her, any tips? Also what happens if you go into labour and your doula is already with another client? Did you find yours through Doula uk?

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juliewoolie · 02/11/2007 08:52

Needahand, I too had a doula we hadnt booked her before hand but had always thought it would be a good choice for us. She was our NCT teacher and had told us she had doulad (sp). But when we initially asked she was already booked up for that time with someone else. My DP ended up calling her foir advice after I had been labouring for 24 hours and she came out to us. She was fab, by the time she arrived I was exhuasted my dp was scared and we were considering a c-section, my baby was back to back. She calmed both of us down, when she arrived we had all the lights on television blaring in the background just totally the wrong atmosphere. She rubbed my back she talked to me with understanding allowed me time to make decisions ie did we want to have a c- secton or continue did I want an epidural and the consequences etc. Whenb it cam too pushing she was fab as by that stage I was knackered and felt I couldnt go on, she told me I was amazing and that I could do it. She then after the birth helped me with my first BF. After being sent hjome from hospital, I had real difficulty establishing breast feeding, my son had a tongue tie she came round and helped me with my latch.

I cannot reccommend highly enough having someone other than family who can give a fresher perspective than your tired DP when you are in labour.

In answer to the what happens if she has another client, my doula said she only does 2 or 3 a year as she basically stays very close at hand for the 2 weeks before due date and 2 weeks after just in case you are early or late and does not book a birth for the month preceding these dates or the month after. I appreciate this does not work for all doulas who run as a buisness but mine does it for pleasure and asks for no payment.

I can honestly say that the next time I get pregnant I will be calling her first to make sure I have her booked in advance.

Sorry for long post - hope that helps.

needahand · 02/11/2007 10:02

Julie Thank you for long post very very helpful. With my first DS labour was very long bec back to back like yours and I was knackered, and as you say I think that sometimes having a professional can help more that when both you and DH are tired. It seems that all the people who used doula benefited hugely from having one, so I think I will give it a go.

Any tips on chosing a doula (other than looking on doula uk website).

PS where the NCT classes useful, i didn't do them first time round but am considering taking them this time?

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juliewoolie · 02/11/2007 10:14

They were good for me as we had recently moved back to the area after a few years overseas so knew no-one with children, a great way to meet new friends. Also it really helped being able to talk through all your hopes and fears with people in the same boat as you.

As to choosing a doula I have no idea how you go about it we were just extremely lucky that ours was kind of on a plate.

Maybe ask some of the doulas on here for help and advice, I think lulumama is one and Mars but am sure if you put a thread out asking for doulas they will find you.

specialmagiclady · 02/11/2007 10:16

I had a wonderful doula for my home birth of DS2. This was largely because my husband was working 2 hours away and I thought my labour was going to be very quick. I wanted there to be someone on hand if he couldn't get to me in time.

In the end, she was amazing. DH was there, but was a bit useless really and I kept sending him off to do jobs for me as he really didn't have the right sort of energy that I needed, strangely. (Not the way I normally talk, but birthing is a strange things...)

I was right, my labour was terribly quick. And 1 hour in, when my doula arrived, we were both in a bit of a state and all up here (waving hands frantically around head emoticon). The minute Kirsty the Doula arrived, everyone felt much more grounded and the sense of panic went.

In the end, I gave birth dancing and singing on my living room floor and the doula just sat there, letting me be me, then caught my baby. (Which incidentally she is NOT licensed to do, and in fact isn't allowed to so much as touch the baby without your permission but thank god she was there!)

The MWs arrived 15 minutes later to stitch me up.

So, what did having a doula do? Before labour, she came round and massaged my feet and made me feel like a goddess and was there to talk to about possibility of induction etc as I went overdue, talked to DH and I about what we wanted from the birth experience, how she could help. After labour, she helped me to make frozen fanny pads to help soothe my stitches, was happy to listen to me endlessly going over and over my birth story, and generally did what your mum would do if your mum was a marvellous slightly magic lady (sort of a white witch, my doula was, in a very good way).

It's really important to pick the right doula. Meet at least 3 before you go for it. My experience is that having a doula was wonderful and I'd recommend it wholeheartedly. I'm meeting up with mine on Friday and I can't wait!

specialmagiclady · 02/11/2007 10:19

Oh by the way, I found one by going through my active birth teacher, and doula uk website.

needahand · 02/11/2007 10:21

Thank you specialmagiclady, I am definitely convinced this is what I want now. Will let you all know when I have met a few and chosen one.

Thank you all for your helpful comments and for sharing your positive experiences with me.

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NBheebieGeebies · 02/11/2007 10:22

Peckarollover is also a doula and on the uk doula site with Marslady and Lulumama.
Shes based in the North.

NBheebieGeebies · 02/11/2007 10:24

and forgot to mention, she was going to be my doula but then she selfishely went and got pregnant too but even though shes only 4 weeks behind me she has been really supportive to me and helped me loads.

jofeb04 · 02/11/2007 18:55

Needahand
There are a few doula's on here. Mars is in London, Lulu is near liverpool (I think , I'm in South Wales.

There's loads of others dotted around the country as well!

needahand · 02/11/2007 20:44

Thanks jofe. I am in Milton Keynes midlands so it might be a bit far for the ones you mentioned but if you know anyone else in my area, I would definitely be interested.

I've had a look on doula UK and there were quite a few who sounded nurturing and whom I liked. I will look into it some more and will probably contact at least 3 as advised by specialmagicallady

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TheQueenOfQuotes · 02/11/2007 20:49

needahand - I'm a little further North than you are - but my Doula came from down your way (a little further down actually). I'm sure she won't mind me putting her name on here (free Advertisement LOL) it's Helen Sassoon - and she was FABULOUS.

PillockOfTheCommunity · 02/11/2007 20:53

this thread might be good for you to read some doula success stories

needahand · 03/11/2007 16:54

Thanks queen of the quotes, she is actually one of the ones I had shortlisted when I did my first quick bit of research . Can you tell me more please: how she helped, what she did etc.

Thanks for the link Pillock.

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TheQueenOfQuotes · 03/11/2007 21:21

I've had 2 previous awful labours (well one wasn't even a labour LOL). A CS with DS1, with no labour at all, and a horrendous VBAC with DS2 (induced, failed pain relief, assisted delivery, huge tear and espisiotomy (sp) etc etc). I'd never been into labour on my own and was convinced my body just wasn't up to the job.

DS3 was totally unplanned, but once I fell pg with him I knew that I wanted to try and have the best birth possible, even if it was all guns blazing heavily assisted and possibly even CS. To start with (we first met quite early on - when I was about 24 weeks IIRC) we talked about what had happened in previous labours/births - and that alone was fantastic for me - as I'd never really talked properly to anyone about those birth experiences. She helped me realise that even if things did go arse over tit again then I could still have a positive birth experience if I felt that I was the one in control (I still feel I had little say in my 1st 2).

Because of my previous history of waters breaking and not spontaneously going into labour she did loads of research for me (and sent me the info) on possible ways to prevent them going early again, and ways to try and encourage labour to start naturally (ie without induction) should it happen again.

We talked about what I really hoped for (stay at home as long as possible, no/limited monitoring, mobile, gas and air only, NO pethidine etc etc) so that she had a clear idea of what I would want to say "no" to in the hospital and so that we could also discuss the "if that doesn't happen x, y z are my next preferences).

When I went into labour (all on my own ) it was pretty quick (well from the time I realised "oh I think I really AM in labour" ) so she only arrived once I was already in the hospital. Once she arrived I'd already been there for about 1 1/2hrs (not her fault - the distance from me to her was quite some way - and she was visiting her son slightly further away again - and there was an accident on the motorway) but she was able to help me (repeatedly) tell various senior members of staff (MW's themselves were fine about it) that I DIDN'T want monitoring. Also helped me refuse the Cannula (sp) (my contractions while not particularly long were very intense and close together once things got going so I was having a little difficulty in getting information across LOL.

She massaged my back and tried various reflexology(?) points and gave me a homeopathic remedy whatsit (not sure if they worked - but was a good placibo anyhow). She also encourage me to try different positions (part of the problem with DS2's delivery was that I was flat on my back the entire time ) - the furthest she managed to convince me to move was from the birthing ball onto the bed on my knees leaning over the back........and I then point blank refused to move an inch until DS3 was actually born

When I was nearly fully dilated (which I didn't believe as a) I'd only been in the hospital 3 1/2hrs and b) because I'd not had another internal ) I was demanding loudly that I "Wanted an epidural NOW"........she managed to calmly tell me that I really didn't need one (or want one) . Lots and lots of encouraging words, and when DS3 was finally born not only did I feel elated that my body had done it all on it's own, but she made me feel really proud of myself - the doubts I had before having him really did make me believe I just couldn't deliver a baby on my own.

She was also really good at getting DH "involved" (you know how men can be really lovely, but feel a bit "useless" when you're in labour LOL) and even though I had a "dream" delivery when she did her postnatal visit it was still really good to talk about the whole thing with her - filled in little bits which I'd forgotten.

I know that's probably just a load of waffle I've just written, I guess in someways it hard to describe exactly how I feel she helped me - but at the same time I'm 100% certain things wouldn't have gone that well without her support.

Oh and she also got DH to take a picture - which although I was shocked when I first saw it is one I'll treasure (search for posts by fannyannie and click on her profile if you want to see what I'm talking about ).

needahand · 07/11/2007 12:00

Thank you queen of the quotes that is really really useful and it really seems like she helped you a great deal both in terms of confidence and in terms of pain management. I think I will give her a call.

Thanks for sharing your experience with me, very much appreciated.

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workstostaysane · 07/11/2007 21:59

one last voice in praise of the doula..
while i can't think of any one thing she did that made a whole heap of difference, our doula really made the whole experience as painless as it could be. i just lay with head in dh's lap for the most part and then pushed when i had to as the doula ran around getting ice cubes, timing contractions and cleaning up the sick.
for the record, studies have shown that having a doula cuts labour time and couples record a much happier experience if thy've used one.
the one we used was still training so she charged £100 for 3 visits before, being there for the whole thing and 3 visits after. best £100 i ever spent
enough already.
i highly recommend

workstostaysane · 07/11/2007 22:01

i found her on doula.org.
i rang lots and just chatted to them on the phone till i 'clicked' with one of them
HTH

workstostaysane · 07/11/2007 22:01

i found her on doula.org.
i rang lots and just chatted to them on the phone till i 'clicked' with one of them
HTH

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