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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Terrified of birth! First time pregnancy

19 replies

AVL87 · 09/02/2021 21:47

Hi all. My first post on here and first baby, currently 18 weeks
I am absolutely petrified of giving birth, I’ve bled throughout my pregnancy and now I am terrified and I am going to haemorrhage and bleed to death.
Please can someone give me some positive but realistic first time birth stories. X

OP posts:

Greendoonan · 09/02/2021 21:50

You don’t know what will happen, it’s too early to panic. I ended up needing a c section so I never had to give birth! They just wheeled me in and I had a nice lie down while they took the baby out, didn’t feel a thing.

AWryGiraffe · 09/02/2021 22:06

I read the positive birth book and it was great for planning for all eventualities. Made me feel more in control.

Every birth is different. Pre pregnancy and at first I was horrified at the even thought of labour. By the time it came round I was excited and impatient and fed up of being pregnant and was focused on trying to have a pain med free birth and a pool. Equally you might be focused on an epidural if that appeals more to you. Just gather the information and think about how you would be most comfortable.

Try not to worry. I found making a birth plan and weighing up what I would prefer in each situation. E g what pain relief I would be happy with, if I needed a section what would I want to etc. Not everyone feels that way but I think the process of making a birth plan helped me prepare and feel ready.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/02/2021 22:08

I am going to haemorrhage and bleed to death.

I'm so sorry you are worrying like this.

This is NOT going to happen!

In the meantime, you are 18 weeks & should be in the 'good' phase of pregnancy where you are feeling well & enjoying it. Try not to worry about the birth.

Secondly, chat about this to your MW / GP and be sure to do antenatal classes, if possible due to Covid, closer to the time.

Finally, empower yourself with information from reliable websites & books. Think about the birth you would like. You don't yet know what will happen during the birth, but in the vast majority of cases all goes well for you & baby.

Best of luck 💐

Rodent01 · 09/02/2021 22:09

2 babies, 2 births on just gas and air, no stitches. It can be ok!!!

LouisLitt · 09/02/2021 22:11

Do the online hypnobirthing course by positive birth company.

Vallmo47 · 09/02/2021 22:13

I’m sorry you’re terrified. Please be very honest with your midwife about this. There’s so many things they can suggest to help.
Giving birth hurts, there’s no two ways about that. But having done it twice, I can honestly say that if you are able to stay calm, that helps with the pain. It’s incredibly unlikely you will bleed to death. ❤️ You’re in the best hands and if you’re so anxious, they will work even harder to reassure you.

You know when you’ve had a nasty fall as a kid and you completely panic and it just makes everything so so much worse? That.
Take a very deep breath, remember how many women give birth all across the world every minute of every day. You will be looked after. You cannot control this, let your body do what it’s designed to do. It will be okay.

Calming music. Positive thoughts. Think ahead, don’t focus on the pain, but what the pain brings you. The love of your life. It’s amazing.

Good luck.

BlueTimes · 09/02/2021 22:14

I’d suggest speaking to your midwife for a referral to your perinatal mental health team or equivalent as you should be able to access CBT and other support to help you with how you feel.

TheBoredLady · 09/02/2021 22:15

When the time comes you will be ready. It’s hard to explain but you kind of ‘zone out’ and just get on with it (well there’s no choice by that point lol).

It’s also not necessarily painful. Mine wasn’t - it was just like period pain really.

ContadoraExplorer · 09/02/2021 22:54

The Positive Birth book was great for me, I'd definitely recommend it. My birth didn't go as I had wanted (EMCS in the end) but I think I was mentally prepared for all eventualities.

BuffaloCauliflower · 09/02/2021 22:57

I’d really recommend The Positive Birth Company online course. I had a great birth, despite it not being ‘perfect’. The pain was less than I’d expected and I said I’d do it again right away. You can’t control much but you can control your mindset.

sproutsnbacon · 09/02/2021 23:06

I spent most of both my pregnancies terrified of the birth until about week 37 when I was so huge and uncomfortable and exhausted I wanted it out. DS wasn’t a great birth and ended in an emcs and dd took a lot of pushing but both times I was really calm and in the zone. What really helped was knowing DP would make sure we were both ok and really stand up for us during labour and he did, I could relax and just get on with it.

Piccalily19 · 10/02/2021 23:41

I agree with the post above, I was terrified then got to week 38 and was so over being uncomfortable id of done anything.
I had my first baby a week ago and while yes it hurt it was do-able. Gas and air is amazing in itself and further pain relief is probably even better if you need/want it.
Also it gave me a huge respect for midwives, my labour progressed quite quickly and I was panicking. But once I got into the room and saw the midwife my panic left, I felt safe and I was on a mission to get baby out. You can do it and your new baby is so worth it ☺️

3JsMa · 11/02/2021 12:29

I am so sorry you are struggling with anxiety but considering your circumstances it's totally understandable.However,bleeding during pregnancy is totally unrealated to brhting process(unless it's placenta previa etc).
I second the idea of hypnobirthing.Even if you don't plan to use it during the labour/delivery it will definitely help with your currnet anxiety.
I did it while pregnant with DC3,I really struggled with anxiety,was terribly scared that something will go wrong.It was totally unfounded as I had no pregnancy related problems,just a huge age gap.After learning about the hypnobirthing and practising breathing it really helped to reduce my worries.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 11/02/2021 20:06

I was also terrified to give birth and the positive Birth Book made it about 1000 times worse. It was like reading "It" and hoping it'll stop you bring scared of murderous clowns. There's a particularly horrible bit where she outlines how long you'll be in pain for in the first stage and it was something horrendous like 75 minutes . I read it that, had a panic attack (I couldn't be in pain for 75 seconds, 75 minutes is unfathomable, even with breaks), vomited a lot and then cried for three days straight.

Anyway, I did get a referral to the special pregnant lady psychiatrist and talking to her helped a lot. It was great just to have someone talk me through my fears any why I was so afraid as opposed to all encompassing sheer blind terror.

I ended up with a breech baby and had to have a c-section anyway, and honestly I've never been so relieved in my life.

sandieshaw · 11/02/2021 20:21

If it was really that awful @AVL87, no one would do it more than once. Given that a huge number of women go on to have subsequent babies shows that it’s manageable.

Every woman and every birth is different. My first labour was about 8hrs and my second was about 3. The stitches after the first one were more painful than the actual birth . There are no guarantees but it doesn’t necessarily turn out to be a difficult experience.

Talk to your midwife. You won’t be the first person to have had birth anxiety and they should be able to help.

Chanel05 · 12/02/2021 14:19

Sorry you're feeling this way.

By the time you come to give birth you'll be more than ready to tackle it and you just get in the zone.

Having a haemorrhage is also very unlikely. I actually had a major haemorrhaged during my emergency section and lost a lot of blood - didn't even know about it until after.

HeyDW96 · 12/02/2021 20:54

You could try the positive birth company, the idea of hypnobirthing made me sigh and roll my eyes to begin with, but as a fellow first time mum who is also quite nervous about giving birth, I can say that it has helped. It feels much more informative and relaxing than your standard nhs antenatal class - which are currently a one off zoom meeting I think! I'm trying not to panic, baby may be breach, I may have to have a section for another reason or I may have to deliver baby early. There are lots of things that can influence how you birth your baby!

Snackz · 15/02/2021 11:03

I've recently given birth to my first and honestly, I found not having a birth plan and just 'winging it' made me feel so much more relaxed! I had a water birth and the only pain relief was gas and air which I honestly didn't expect as my pain threshold is shocking!

sarahb083 · 15/02/2021 17:16

I spent so much of my pregnancy anxious about giving birth, and ended up having a lovely, calm, planned c section. Most births go smoothly and your risk of severe bleeding is incredibly low. Medical staff really know what they're doing and giving birth in the UK is very safe. There are so many horror stories online but they don't represent the proportion of difficult births. Most births go smoothly so you don't read about them, because they're 'normal'.

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