Hi OP
Congratulations on the arrival of your baby!
I experienced a 3b tear with my labour last March and whilst I didn’t get an infection I hope sharing my experience and advice might help a little as I was in a similar boat and am a few months further along the road!
So. As I say, 3b tear - frankly one of the most horrendous possible things that can happen to you during childbirth in my opinion. Women who experience 4th degree should be awarded a bloody medal! I also suffered with constipation - combination of fear, pain and not taking good enough care of myself I think. I actually couldn’t force it and ended up in hospital 7 days post partum having a doctor stick his hand up my bum to pull out poo and ultimately give me an enema once he had cleared the block. I had gas and air for that. Gas and bloody air!! I was then told that this was a common side effect of the cocktail of drugs I was on post birth - only nobody had warned me so I hadn’t loaded up on lactulose and water. So by this point, I’m in constant discomfort, can’t walk around the block without feeling like my undercarriage has swollen and I’m trying to carry a cantaloupe melon between my legs, oh and I’ve gone from not being able to poo to having so much lax on board that I have to sit on an incontinence pad for fear of needing to buy a new sofa afterward.
My midwife came to see me as I wasn’t coping with all this and I remember sobbing, big ugly sobs that my body wasn’t my own. I just wanted to feel in control of my body. The end of your post resonated so much with me for that. It is a very upsetting feeling and one i wouldn’t wish on anyone.
With regards to the tear healing, it will take time but as I was reassuringly told by my GP, it’s an area that has excellent blood flow to it and this really does help it heal fairly quickly and effectively - all things considered. Remember with a 3b it’s gone through muscle, you have experienced a big physical trauma and the best you can do is rest and take care of yourself where you can.
My advice would be to make sure you pop some maternity pads in the fridge / in a cool box with some ice packs. Don’t let the pads get wet but cool them so they are more refreshing on your perineum.
Don’t beat yourself up about how the infection happened - it could have been anything and you’ve got the antibiotics on board now to fight it.
Hole in the tear could be something like you’ve overdone it, or it wasn’t stitched well enough maybe - take it nice and gently for now and I hope the doctors have addressed it for you.
Definitely go to your appointment - it may not be fully healed / infection fully gone but they’ll be able to see it’s progress and rebook you if needed.
I’d also recommend asking your doctors to book your 6 week check with a female gp and go prepared to ask them for an examination to check the infection and healing of stitches. 9 out of ten women in my antenatal group got a lecture about contraception and asked if they felt alright mentally and that was it. I was so lucky my gp looked at my notes and said crikey, 3rd degree tear, would you like me to take a look? I had my pants off faster than you can say childbirth!
Keep an eye on the clots - could be Lochia but as pp said if there is any concern for you just ring the doctor again and push to be seen. Yes we are living through a pandemic but so long as you are asymptomatic you should be seen if needed at your gp.
Lastly please chase up / push for support from your physio team if they don’t reach out to you. I received a leaflet about pelvic floor exercises and got told this week by my gynae they should have done face to face support for a 3b tear for the last ten months!
Hope you are feeling better soon - I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel even if you can’t see it yet! Xx