Never felt urge to push

[anotherscroller]

It’s coming up to my baby’s first birthday and my head is back in the delivery room.
I would love to hear from someone who had a similar experience.
I was in hour 18 of my first birth, no epidural no drugs nothing, no sleep and no food (vomiting and diarrhoea) and I was absolutely desperate for it to be over.
I was at 9cm and had been having contractions every 2mins for hours, and the midwife sort of did something manually and said ok you’re 10cm let’s go!
What happened is that I never actually felt the urge to push. My contractions actually disappeared, the pain was much easier to manage all of a sudden.
But what I did is that I LIED!!
I told them I was having a contraction when I wasn’t really (not like I’d been told in preparation classes, with the strong urge to push), i think because I just wanted to whole room to tell me to push and I thought it would be over sooner that way.
In the end, I was pushing for an hour and then they used the ventouse, first manual, then electric, to get the head out and then episiotomy to get the shoulders out.
I couldn’t feel the passage of the baby at all, i had no sensation of him coming through my birth canal, just anal sensation. I asked about this afterwards and they said it was normal.
I asked to see the obstetrician a couple of days afterwards and fessed up that I was sort of pretending, and she said no, not to worry, the baby needed assistance because he was very big and I was exhausted and no pain relief.
But I have a clear memory of saying to myself “I don’t absolutely need to push but I’m going to push because this has to end NOW”. This seems like such a strange phenomenon, the opposite of listening to your body.
I don’t feel bad about it or judge myself because I was in hell and my baby was fine and not too distressed in the scheme of things, but I would love to know if it’s happened to anyone else.
The only negative feeling I have is that I feel I missed out on feeling the baby coming out, so it’s like “what was the point in not having an epidural then?”
Does anyone agree with my take on what happened? Did I make it up and provoke the birth before I was ready? Or did I just numb all my sensations because I was close to collapse?
Thank you!

What I found was my contractions pushed the baby out for me. Like I never needed to bare (bear) down as the contractions were so strong they just did it for me. So I don’t ever remember pushing.

I had it completely the opposite! 😂 was checked and was 4cm, with half an hour I felt the overwhelming urge to push, midwife was telling me not to push, I wasn't dialated enough, I insisted on being checked again and she very surprisingly said 'oh wow! Your at 10! And babies crowning!' 😆

Thanks everyone!
I guess this just shows how different everyone’s experiences are.
I wasn’t told to push, the team I was with was all about letting the birthing woman’s body guide.
But I didn’t want my body to guide at that point I wanted my head to guide! I think that’s where it was un-ideal (no birth is ideal).
But next time I’m going to work on this acceptance of what my body is doing and try to go with it. Even if what my body is doing is unbearable!! Eek.
Mothers are amazing.

I think I had a similar experience to you. Long labour, no drugs, contractions were awful and I couldn't wait for it to all be over. They eventually told me I was 10cm and I could push. I never felt the urge to push and I had to really bear down. Before I started pushing I asked if it would hurt and they said no you will feel relief. When I started to push it was terrible pain and I was really struggling as it hurt so much. It turned out baby was side on and essentially stuck so I couldn't get him out anyway (he was also a big baby). I ended up with forceps/episiotomy and a spinal block so didn't feel him come through the birth canal either. I am curious to know what that all feels like though! But as you said, every one and birth is different. Maybe it will happen for us next time. At least our babies are safe and I guess that is the main thing 😊.

I’d suggest that in many cases with a first birth especially, the body has no friggin idea what it’s doing! Certainly that was the case for me, when my water broke but my contractions stopped. My second birth was infinitely more straightforward and felt much more intuitive and like my body was in control. I guess it would make sense that there’s a learning curve, just like for everything else in life.

I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it at any rate. Your head is a valid part of your body that should be as good as anything else at getting you to push. ;-) And I’d also trust the specialists if they tell you the baby was too big to come out unassisted. (And for that, you also have my undying admiration as someone who birthed two tenth percentile babies and was grateful for their tiny-ness!)

I didn’t feel the urge to push either - like a pp my body just did it for me both times. I don’t remember feeling the baby in the birth canal either - crowning came as a horrible shock! My labours were fast so that may have had something to do with it.

Even after 10cms the natural urge to push doesn't happen until the babies head starts to descend past the pelvic floor muscles, and it is this pressure on the muscles that triggers the urge, so you could be 10cm but still not get the urge to push for ages as the baby then starts to come down further. The midwives aren't meant to do the old fashioned coached pushing now but wait for the mum to feel it. I suspect what happened was you started to push too soon and then got overly tired. Also with my two births I have felt the sensations much more in my bum than my vagina, to the point with my first inwas combined the baby was coming out of my bum and told the midwife to check 😂

I had my two kids over 3 decades ago, but I've often wondered about something similar. I never had the urge to push either time but basically did what I was told and I found the pushing out part to be the hardest bit. I think both times I had been fine and listening to my body until the midwives basically over-ruled that.

Hello OP
Me neither and I have 3 DC.
First two - both ventouse.
Last one - natural.
No urge to push with any of them.
First two had had an epidural but they let it wear off with DC1 and second one it only partially took on one side.
Had believed all the crap about body knowing what it is meant to do. When it clearly didn't, believed all the crap about body would remember what it had to do and second birth would be quicker. No and no.
When it clearly didn't, believed it was my fault for having epidurals so decided I would go through transition/have no pain relief whatsoever for DC3.
It made no difference at all. No urge to push whatsoever. ''Pushed'' when told to but ended up with an extreme rectal tear.

My advice if you have any more - ignore every anecdote/myth you have ever read (caveat - not myths for some, I know) and have an epidural, tell them to keep it topped up and ask for an elective ventouse or at the least to not let it wear off to a traumatising level (0>100 in a nanosecond) and instruct you when you should ''push'' via a monitor. Alternatively seek an elective c-section.

I totally understand how you feel I ended up with trauma and a nine year gap between children.

My first labour was exactly like yours. Long, long long. Although I did have pethidine. No urge to push at all, I just pushed when they told me to. Luckily they didn't need to assist, but I was 'threatened' with the forceps.

2nd labour was the complete opposite. Midwife examined me and said "we're not quite there yet". 5 mins later I told her I wanted to push and even though she told me not to I couldn't stop myself. The urge was so strong!

Oh and my pain never subsided with the natural birth but I did feel baby crown with all 3 - like a ring of fire/being split in two. Did you have any anaesthetic before your episiotomy? Did they give any kind of spinal block pre-vacuum?
You won't believe me love but you missed nothing regards the baby coming out - the crowning is the worst bloody bit.

I never had the urge to push either.

In my case, I'd been induced and had had some diamorphine to help with the pain. It was wearing off when I was told I was 10cm and it was time to push. The drip was turned down in expectation of my body taking over. My body did not. Contractions died away, so the drip went on again. Fortunately I was quite well rested thanks to the diamorphine (I'd been sleeping between contractions) and I had an idea of what I needed to do (bear down like you're having a stubborn poo), and so I did. 20 minutes of self controlled pushing and there was a baby! No ring of fire either. It definitely wasn't painless, but time, sleep deprivation and residual diamorphine has definitely dulled the memory of it.

An early happy birthday to your little one!

I was quite similar. I was induced on a drip. I never felt any urge to push but I did have horrendous pressure in my backside. Midwives told me when I was 10cm. I did have contractions still but they were much more bearable. I just pushed whenever they came but i couldn’t feel the baby moving down the birth canal or anything.
No ring of fire as crowning for me as I was numbed up for an episiotomy & ventouse. Nothing to do with pushing - his heart rate dropped & they wanted him out ASAP! My pushing stage was only 50 mins & they said I would have delivered myself no problem if he hadn’t of became distressed.

Can’t tell you how helpful it has been to read your experiences. Thank you so much for your support, I’m really moved.
His birthday is today actually. So glad to have a smiling bouncy bean and the next one will be quite different! I’ll try to stop thinking about it now and enjoy my li... oh wait, covid. Haha.
Thanks everyone, you are amazing.
Imagine if men supported each other in this way?

Johnson10, i think we had the same birth!

Hmmm, now you say it, I never felt a massive urge to push. They just said push when you have a contraction and I did, but I could have not. I had an episiotomy and I think they put quite a lot of local anaesthetic in, and ventouse at the end, so I never really felt the crowning part.

I had this with my first baby. The labour was really long and I just wanted it to be over so I started pushing. They got really concerned when nothing was happening! But then an hour or so later, my body was kind of pushing for me and they were telling me to stop because I still had a lip of cervix. I had the same as this in my second birth where I couldn't stop myself pushing yet they said they needed me to stop.

The fake pushing where I was doing it too early was nothing the same at all. I was just doing a pelvic floor exercise in reverse but when my body was making me push it's like when you have a really big poo and your body just expels it, except much bigger!