Caring for older child while you're in hospital (birth in the time of corona...)

[ArtemisBean]

I'm (probably slightly irrationally) worried about how my 2.5 year old DS is going to cope when I have baby number two in a couple of months. DH would like to be with me, and I'm lucky to have my sister standing by to watch DS while we're in hospital. But she has hardly seen him all year thanks to lockdowns and tiers etc. I think he's going to be so unsettled and anxious. We have no idea when labour is going to happen (spontaneous VBAC expected 🤞) so he might find himself waking up to a strange woman in the house, or picking him up from nursery, and no Mummy or Daddy to be seen. DSis is in tier 4 now so no opportunity for her to spend any time with him before the day. Am I being completely paranoid? How have others found this during 2020? All reassurances and head wobbles welcome!

My sister had a similar situation.

Do a daily catch up (5 min is enough) on video call, so he gets used to her face. Maybe she could read a bedtime story sometimes too. And talk about her a lot. He will be fine, even if he is unsettled and upset for a bit, your dh won’t be away for long.

In very similar situation and it's really hard. We just don't know if we'll feel comfortable leaving our toddler to sleep with someone else in the house. They still wake in the night. Just hoping that it all happens in the daytime. I laboured pretty quickly last time so not unrealistic. We don't feel comfortable with a home birth personally but that's an option.

We had similar in first lockdown and did the regular video call thing. DS was pretty much the same age as yours and we also explained what might happen, and he got it- can you try that? He may surprise you. Also get said to turn up with his favourite treat or whatever, make sure his comforter is available, she knows what he likes on TV, to eat etc. Basically as much familiarity as possible.

As it was, I was induced, so planned time anyway.

Can you meet outside a bit and do more video calls so he gets more familiar with her. For what it’s worth I would think that you would still be within the rules to meet up with her a few times before the birth to ensure that she’s able to properly care for him and that he is comfortable. For example if she’s looking after him at your house then it would probably be helpful for her to come for the day and see his routines and where everything is etc. I wouldn’t view that as rule breaking because it’s part of the package of child care for giving birth

I hear you.

I have a c section scheduled this week, but have been worried about going into labour before that.

I have been taking DS for walks in the park and playground trips with the people likely to have him.

I have also considered who could come with me instead if DS needs his Dad

We had the same in the first lockdown and I ended up having a friend with me, and DH stayed home with our eldest. He also has an allergy as well as anxious about not having an parent around, so put people off of having him.

Thank you everyone! It sucks that there are so many of us in this position. Not sure how DSis would feel about meeting up outside more between now and the day... She's a bit of a stickler for the roolz, and is very much "oh, he'll be ok, don't worry about it". She's got (older) kids of her own so she knows what she's doing, but it's the lack of familiarity between her and DS that makes me nervous. He's going to have enough to adjust to when we bring the new baby home! Poor little guy. Worst case scenario DH will have to drop me off at the hospital and come back when it's all over 🙁

@ArtemisBean

Thank you everyone! It sucks that there are so many of us in this position. Not sure how DSis would feel about meeting up outside more between now and the day... She's a bit of a stickler for the roolz, and is very much "oh, he'll be ok, don't worry about it". She's got (older) kids of her own so she knows what she's doing, but it's the lack of familiarity between her and DS that makes me nervous. He's going to have enough to adjust to when we bring the new baby home! Poor little guy. Worst case scenario DH will have to drop me off at the hospital and come back when it's all over 🙁

It's within the rules, even tier 4, to meet one other person outside. Ore-school age children don't count in the numbers

Could she become your childcare bubble person for now and build up the relationship that way?