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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Tokophobia and uncertainty around children

2 replies

SGB40 · 24/11/2020 17:03

Hi everyone,
Judging by older threads, I'm not alone in this but thought I'd start a new thread.
I've suffered with Tokophobia since a very young age, ever since watching a very graphic sex education video where a poor woman was screaming with a baby between her legs. To me, labour is barbaric. I can't even stand the idea of having a baby growing inside me, kicking me, making me feel sick, still birth, the whole lot!
To be clear, I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks at aged 38, got pregnant at 39 and terminated because everything just got on top of me and the idea of going through it all was too much.
Part of me would love to be a parent but at 40 and the risks rising, let along having to go through pregnancy is literally my idea of hell on earth. I was having therapy in Sydney (where we lived when I was pregnant) and had an excellent therapist who said she'd happily write me a letter insisting on a c-section, supporting my Tokophobia etc.
To be honest, the idea of a c-section is absolutely awful too, to be cut open, I'd rather just be put asleep to be honest! I know this sounds all very dramatic but it stirs in me such strong feelings.
Can anyone help, is pregnant, trying to get pregnant, especially similar age in the same boat with these feelings? It just seems so unfair women have to go through this. Any words appreciated.

OP posts:
TenShortStories · 24/11/2020 17:20

I don't suffer with this myself and enjoyed being pregnant, but I can totally see why someone might. It is a bit freaky, the idea of a new person growing inside of you. Plus, the fear of giving birth is not an irrational phobia at all as it has been very dangerous for women throughout history (although pretty safe in modern times if you have access to decent healthcare).

You don't sound dramatic, you have a normal fear that has snowballed (for understandable reasons) into something much harder to manage.

I do remember watching a documentary a few years ago with a pregnant teenager who flat out refused to have an epidural for her c-section and they caved and let her have a general anaesthetic. I don't know if that would be an option in an extreme situation such as yours?!

addler · 24/11/2020 17:22

Perhaps looking at some hypnobirthing information videos would help? There's plenty on YouTube. I found it very interesting and informative to learn about what's actually happening to your body during labour and delivery and taking away the mystery/fear of the unknown. I felt very confident and empowered after doing the course. 39 weeks now so hopefully can put it to use soon

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