Boyfriend not being supportive

[kiyaxx]

I am having a planned c section on Thursday due to having tokophobia. (Also tried to tell me that I don't and I am "just being silly)
He is trying to talk me out of it three days before my section...
He's telling me that I will be in more pain than I will if I just gave birth. He's saying I won't be able to be active for a long time. He's just saying a lot of stuff to try and put me of which isn't fair because I'm scared of both childbirth and a c section but obviously feel as thought this is the right option for me.
I know he's just looking out for me. Maybe he's scared of me having one. But he's really raising my anxiety through the roof and I feel like he should support my decision no matter what.

Now I'm even more nervous than I was before for Thursday and the recovery. Don't know what to do someone please help

Firstly, congratulations!
I had a c section and there are advantages and disadvantages, same with a vaginal birth. My friends had vaginal births, some were fine, others had very bad tears and needed stitches /surgery etc.
My c section itself was over in a few minutes and I was holding my baby (or rather my DH did at first).
The recovery was also fine, it hurt for a few days of course, but you can hold your baby, shower, use the loo just fine.
You won’t be running a marathon either way baby enters the world!
What’s is your other half worried about exactly, you need to ask him. You need to do what you feel comfortable with, it’s your body. He needs to support you in that decision. If he can’t then he needs to be quiet! Stress isn’t good for you or the baby either.

If we were a year ago and you were posting, I'd be saying consider hypno birthing, consider counselling, consider gentle therapy. I was very afraid and put off getting pregnant for years.

But it's Monday and your section is Thursday. Tell him he grows a uterus in that time or shuts the fuck up.

FWIW I tried for a vaginal delivery and ended up with a section anyway. Worst of both worlds! It was fine. Really. You'll meet your baby in three days.

I know he's just looking out for me

Is he? If he's looking out for you he'll shut up and support you instead of adding to your anxiety and distress.

What research has he done on the ways of giving birth? What's he basing his knowledge on? He should be supporting you.

Good luck, op. You will be fine.

Thanks all for your replies 💞💞 and @tenlittlecygnets he thinks that giving birth is easy and straight forward and said "you just push it out" 🤦‍♀️ I said to him that's easy for you to say. He has no clue. A lot can go wrong. It can be very long and painful. He also thinks that tokophobia is a fake thing he says I don't have it and it's not real trying to make me feel like I'm a liar or I'm over reacting.

He doesn't sound very supportive or helpful or nice. Sorry. What happens when you try to tell him how you feel?

He is probably worried he might have to spend his paternity leave helping a lot with the baby if you have a caesarean. I’ll have a caesarean if I ever have kids - my husband regards it as my decision not his, end of. And we are both medics!

A couple of things to bear in mind

1. you're the one giving birth and you get to decide the best way for you. Full Stop.

2. With pain relief you'll be up and about within hours. I had an emergency section under epidural and was having a shower less than 12 hours later. Was fully mobile within 48 hrs and driving within a fortnight. And most importantly I could sit down comfortably from the get go.

3. the day he pushes a melon out of his fanny - he can tell you how to give birth

4. Remember - you can't argue with stupid - wast of breathe and not good for the blood pressure. Tell him you're going to ignore him and if he continues to undermine your decision he will not be your birth partner, that you'll take someone else in who is genuinely supportive of you.

Best wishes for Thursday.

Oh and you get to choose the baby's name. In fact if you're not married and not planning to marry in the very near future, the baby has your surname. If you marry him later your can always change it - if you want to

After an uncomplicated c section and assuming no issues with the baby, most women leave hospital the next day after a section.

Also, in general, planned sections are much less of a palaver than emergency ones. I was in the pub with family about 3 or 4 days after my c section.

The thing with vaginal deliveries is that they run the gamut from shelling peas, up and about within minutes to much more difficult to heal from than a section. Most women get something between the two, but there really is no guarantee of being up and about fit as a fiddle quickly. I'm afraid that's just as much a myth as the idea that most women that deliver a baby naturally end up in a rare old state for good, etc.

Ultimately there are never any guarantees, but more often than not with a planned c section you get what it says on the tin, and they are less of a big deal surgically than they used to be (hence you generally go home the next day).

Your OH needs to butt out, tbh. That he is convinced that you will be laid up for ages after an ELCS and presumably believes this an exceedingly unlikely outcome of a VB is ample indication he doesn't really know what he's on about, or at the very least that he's getting info from someone whose experience of knowledge of the difference(s) was from a good few decades ago.

Sorry but he's talking out his arse. The pain of labour far outweighed the pain of a c section recovery for me. I was home the next day and didn't need any painkillers at all after the first week. He has clearly never given birth, nor had a c section so I'd advise him to keep his worthless opinions to himself.

If we were a year ago and you were posting, I'd be saying consider hypno birthing, consider counselling, consider gentle therapy. I was very afraid and put off getting pregnant for years.

But it's Monday and your section is Thursday. Tell him he grows a uterus in that time or shuts the fuck up.

Yeah, this. It's not his fucking decision, he clearly doesn't know a thing, he's being selfish and stressing you out at a time when he should be supporting you in every way, and he needs to shut the fuck up pronto, and I say this as someone who had two totally straightforward vaginal births.

You have a boyfriend problem. For now, tell him that he shuts up and gets in line to help, end of, but when the dust has settled, you may need to think about whether he is unsupportive or selfish in other areas. And PP are right: give the baby your surname, and don't give up work.

Your bf is being ridiculous. Fathers don’t get a say in how you give birth. It’s not happening to them so it’s not their choice. I think the choice of how to feed a baby is the same. Not your womb, not your boobs, not your choice. Tell him it’s you giving birth and you’ve heard his opinion now and you don’t need to hear it again. Then change the subject to something baby related that he can have an opinion on, like sorting a nice place to put baby down on the floor for tummy time. Or putting up a mobile above where you’re planning to change nappies. Or cooking and freezing some meals for the first few days when you’ll both be too exhausted to cook.

He sounds like an absolute prick. Is he this unsupportive and dismissive of you usually? I appreciate things are tricky with covid but I would try to have someone you trust on standby in case he suddenly decides you don't really need, are just faking your pain or that you brought in yourself through not sneezing the baby out in a way that would be convenient for him. It feels like he is setting you up for a fall here rather than supporting you.

Hmm. Does he have an interfering mum/sister/brother whose partner sneezed a baby out who is airing their opinion through him?