Thinking about having a doula - please help

[pobletsmum]

I'm thinking about having a birth doula to support me (and DH) at the birth of our 2nd baby. After a traumatic 1st birth experience (ending in forceps delivery) I am considering EITHER having an elective C-section OR a natural birth with as much support as I can muster...which is where the doula would fit in. I've spent an hour searching archived messages, and have read lots on the Doula UK website, but would still like to hear from real-life doulas or mums who have been helped by doulas.

I suppose what I'd really like to know is what a doula can actually do to help me through the labour and birth. I am VERY scared and as much as I think I'd like to 'do it naturally', I don't think that I will be able to relax enough to do this. I am already losing sleep worrying about the birth and I have a few months left to go.

Any advice/information/ideas welcome!

Mintpurple, do you find that when a woman has a Doula with her, that you can do your clinical obs faster and more effectively and then get back to the nicer supportive stuff with the Doula? I imagine that when you are trying to juggle 'with woman' care and clincal paperwork everything takes longer and the supportive stuff gets left behind. Or am I off tangent? I want to work as part of the team in supporting women to birth their babies, not to antagonise HCPs in any way.

I'm still new at this, my first client ended up with a rupture after we barely got to the hospital and my second was scared into an elCS instead of a HWBAC, so I've not much experience in working with mw, other than a couple of antenatal appts.

I also attended a fellow Doula's waterbirth but she asked me to settle her 2yr old as soon as i got there, and her 2nd stage started as soon as I took him upstairs. We were back down for birth of placenta but that meant I didn't see much of mw then either, They were impressed with the role of Doula though, and me, apparently. ;-)

i didnt have a doula at my second birth but i did have my sister (trainee midwife)as well as dp, i felt a lot more confident knowing that she knew what i wanted and would speak up for me if i needed her to (shes much more outspoken then me). as this is similar to what a doula does i think its a great idea. personally im happy with having my sister there (all my births have been staright forward btw) and she will be one of my birth partners this time as well. but i can definitly see the benifits of having someone there who knows what your going through, who your comfortable with, and who is happy to speak up for you

Hi Klaw -

There are midwives who write pages and pages about the woman and her labour, documenting almost every time she moves, doing constant obs etc and they have wonderful notes but they have ignored the woman.
I dont write endless notes or do constant obs, most paperwork comes after the birth, and I feel that its more important to talk to and support the woman and her DP and to facilitate her choices and guide her in labour. If there is a doula there, I dont think that really changes what I do or the time it takes, but discussion becomes a 3 way thing and I know that when Im out of the room, the doula is still giving the support I would give. A lot of the support I give as a m/w is verbal, by discussing reasons for things, outcomes, what ifs, options, and always in a positive and empowering way, and by trying to get rid of the fear that many women have which will allow labour to progress. That doesn't change with having a doula. (however I have colleage m/ws who say 'why do you talk to them (patients), you should do your work in the room and come out and leave them alone'). Sorry, Im rambling a bit, but I could talk for hours on this subject!

So, to try and answer your question, no, I dont think the supportive stuff gets left behind, with experience you can flick through the paperwork etc really quickly anyway, what really impacts is looking after more than one person in labour, which is all too common.

As for antagonising HCPs, most m/ws are actually quite pleasant but you will always meet a b*tch now and then. I think if you are able to let the woman talk for herself for the first little while, it really helps, as the m/w has to build a relationship with the woman and really needs a bit of communication from her. Also, most mws have probably not worked with a doula either (wouldnt imagine there are too many in your neck of the woods), so you are a bit of an unknown for a lot of them too.

Finally, as for bring impressed with you, well how could they not be. Your knowledge, enthusiasm and advice are really first class.

Even though that took ages to type, I dont know that I answered your question at all, Klaw

A well written and informative post Mintpurple the sentiments of which I can identify with in every respect particularly regarding the wonderful notes and lack of care from some midwives. This is something which has become much more prevelent with the defensive practise because of litigation concerns

I said in another thread that my posts may appear clinical and somewhat unemotional and I attribute that to my need to document concise accurate details in notes.

However as the saying goes, "If I had a pound"!... for every time I have drawn a picture on a paper towel to illustrate vaginal examination/ posterior cervix, effacement etc.

A good Doula as a birth partner brings much to childbirth, benefitting everyone including the Doula herself. I hope the numbers increase.

pobletsmum, i could have written your OP 8 months ago when i first found out i was pg with no 2 (now 9 days old!). with ds1 i was also at home for days. started labour proper having not slept for 3 days. went down the epidural route and eventually had a high forcepts delivery in theatre (he was back to back).

i first met my doula when i was still very much undecided about whether to go for a natural delivery or elective section and was crying everytime i thought about giving birth. meeting with her gave me the confidence to go for it. this time i had a long latent phase at home again and was 48 hours without sleep befor getting into labour proper. Once again ds 2 was not well positioned to stimulate my cervix and get it opening. Eventually though things got going and i a spent a few hours in the birth pool, accompanied by my doula, partner, a very handsoff midwife, lovely music and essential oils. Eventually an uncoperative ds2 decided to go fully back to back - deja vu! At that point i went for a section as i had already ruled out another forcepts delivery (dodgy pelvic floor still from the last time). I know he could have still turned but i felt that there was as good a chance that he wouldn;t and psychologically that was too big a mountain for me to climb whilst coping with the pain and tiredness. THe section itself was fine as it was done at a point before things became an emergency and everything was very calm.

A few months ago i would have seen a labour followed by section as the worst possible outcome. But actually now i am soooooo glad that i went for it. That time in the pool was a very important part of ds2's birth and was a special eperience - it really was how labour should be. OK, i didn;t get to see it through to the end but at least i had a bit of a positive labour experience. DP feels the same too. he was so much more involved this time, whereas last time he was really excluded by all the mediacl people. So that's my experince anyway. I hope you make the decision that's right for you.

Thank you Mintpurple, I am honoured that you think so well of me! I do tend to have a confidence problem and to have that sentiment from a mw means a lot! Thanks!

Hi Pobletsmum Sorry you had such a traumatic first time of it

TBH I had 2 great births. But despite this when the idea was put forward to me I decided that for birth no 3 i'd really like a doula.

I wanted, and luckily got, a home birth but felt very uncomfortable having to do this through my local hospital who had 10 maternal deaths in their recent history and although they had shut down, revamped and then reopened I didn't feel good about it. Plus having a home birth but not knowing who it was that was coming into my home to deliver my baby felt all wrong. With no 2 I'd had a 1-2-1 midwife so that whole unknown thing unnerved me.

So, someone suggested that Marslady might be the answer to my prayers.
We got in touch and she came over to meet me and the faimlleeeee.
Frankly, I fell a little bit in love in a non sexual way! She was fab, DP really liked her straight away and she just slotted in so comnfortably that just the thought of having her around on our big day made me feel so relaxed.

The big day then arrived and actually I had a wonderful, lovely midwife, BUT I am still so, so thankful I had Mars, a fab Doula on my team. Not only did just knowing I had her on my side make me feel better leading up to the birth, and I think you'll benefit from that comfort too, but she was worth her weight in gold on the day.

When the midwife got behind me to make sure the baby was going to be ok (I had a home water birth) Mars got in front and held my hand. I had been cool in labour and can actually say I enjoyed every minute of it, (with Mars reading out recipes and eating chicken and hot roast potato sarnies, ) but there was a moment in the actual birth where the pain was so strong and I felt panicked and went all tense. Mars just calmly reminded me to keep calm, that it was ok, that I was doing so well and most important of all her line 'breathe that baby out'. Words that rang in my head and stopped that wave of panic and I calmed down and did exactly that. i breathed and it was fab and I shall forever be so grateful to her for that. She made that birth really, really special with those words.

Then afterwards she sat with me on the bed, made me tea, ran my bath and handed DD3 to me when I got in etc, while the midwife did her paperwork and DP cleared up ready fr the arrival of DD1 and DD2. She took pics and offered to make cakes. She was great and the biggest compliment I can give her was that she made that birth one that I will treasure forever, more than the others, it was a very, very special day and I really enjoyed it all, even if it did really hurt for moments at the end.

Having a doula is like having a really good friend at the birth, but without the emotional attachment and who really knows what she is doing. It's also good company for the DP/DH while midwife does her thing.

Go for it, have a doula, you won't regret it.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise how much I'd gone on until I pressed post and saw it all come up there like that!

That was a lovely post Thomcat!!!! Doesn't matter how long it was

I agree thomcat - a lovely post, thankyou.

After all your positive stories and advice, I have decided to meet up with a doula - it's all arranged for this week. I think speaking to someone in the flesh will be the best way to take the next step. I am still thinking about c-section, but if I go down the natural route, I think having a doula might be right for me.

You're all wonderful for sharing your stories and advice. I really appreciate it.

I'll keep you up to date...

That's fab poblet! You know where we are!

Thomcat enough already!!!!!!!!!!

Well...

I met 'my' doula this week, and I've decided that I do want her to support me at my baby's birth. She was just lovely and spent ages talking to DH and I about the last birth, how she could help things to be different this time etc. etc. (FAR more useful than the de-brief I had with head of midwifery!). I'm feeling really positive. I'm still very scared, but feel as though with her help, I can try some new things this time. Who knows, maybe this baby will fly out anyway!

that is great news. hope all goes well x