Health visitors - home visits

[mondray]

I am currently 4+5 days pregnant with my second baby.

I know this is really silly to worry about especially as things might change until July.

With my first I had a not so nice experience with a health visitor. It's already giving me anxiety thinking about them coming over after birth. The midwives that came were brilliant, so no fault to them at all.

Preferably I would like for them not to come to my house at all, but if I have to what are my options when they request certain things.

A silly thing I wasn't a fan of was them asking if we could keep our cats out of the room as she didn't like cats. This is their home as well and honestly didn't appreciate being asked that, but complied.

Secondly I was questioned as to why and told off for giving my son a dummy and she said the next time we see her, she doesn't want him to have one anymore as it's bad for them.

I honestly don't mind it if she just came and gave me advice, but it's being told what to do or not to do with my child that really infuriates me.

These are only a couple of things that came to mind, but I know there were several more comments that left me anxious and worried if I was caring for my son properly (which weren't a worry before she came).

Hi, I gave birth in April this year and have not seen the health visitor in person at all. I was told by the midwife they would be phoning me when baby was 4 weeks old, they didn’t and I ended up contacting them. she just spoke to me over the phone then and one other occasion, I think when baby was about 3 months old.
They just asked all the standard questions about feeding, safe sleep, mental health etc.
She said there would be no home visits at the moment due to COVID.
I’m not sure if there may be different rules in different areas though?

You can decline any or all health visitor input. Not a problem.

Thank you for your answers.
I have been tempted to decline the services completely and only take baby to the weigh in clinic.

I am a bit worried as I heard horror stories about being reported to the social services for declining their services.

You can decline. I did. I didn't fancy being told I looked tired (again). And they all gave conflicting advice.

We wrote a letter declining and both parents signed it.

And our baby wasn't even technically our baby at the time...she still technically belonged to the surrogate.

Your not going to be reported to SS for declining health visitors. In some cases were the was ALREADY lots of concerns, declining it might add the overall picture, and could tip it from "we're a bit worried" to "we need to do something" or could lead to a closer look that unearths more serious issues.

I think in these cases people blame SS involvement on declining health visits because it's easier to complain to their friends about been victimised for something silly then except the really of the mistakes they made.

I gave birth in June and haven't seen a HV in person, had one phone call. It's my first baby too.

Also there are no weigh in clinics at present . Having to weigh at home! This is for the foreseeable

Sorry you had that experience. I had the opposite, our HV is brilliant but the midwife who did my first home visit told me off for having fresh flowers in a vase (as they’ll take moisture out the room!). Our HV has been visiting regularly during covid as my baby needs weighing regularly for health reasons and she’s been great and is a cat lover which is useful as our cat spends the visits trying to get into her bag or onto the scales, so there are some good ones out there but sounds like declining is right for you.

I wouldn't decline as IMO it kind of puts them on alert and wonder why.
I had a lovely HV her name was Misty. But she left .
Anyway she went with exactly what I wanted to do/said to her and just generally helpful.

I always said no HV will tell me how to feed or use a dummy etc. Put your foot down and make sure you have a voice and more importantly know they can't walk over you.

I had my son in June and no face to face health visitor home visits were allowed. It was all over the phone. They made contact at 10 days then I had another appointment booked at 8 weeks but they never called and haven't since. So I wonder how many children have fell through the cracks with bad parents.

I had an awful visit from a midwife the day after coming home. I was told it would be a phone call so wasn't expecting anyone turn up. The house was upside down and I was completely unprepared. It was like they like to catch you off guard. Anyway in my groggy state of being a new mum I wake up to answer the knock at the door thinking it is the postman. She was bloody hiding round the side of the door so I had to open the door wider so cue dogs running out see a stranger (we've had the house broken into and they have been wary of strangers ever since) also she was wearing a mask too so the dogs were not happy, not to mention the fact that a new baby had just been brought home so the house was all out of routine and of course she wasn't a dog person at all.

So she comes into the house, I've put the dogs away, she had an awful attitude 'where's the baby?' 'Upstairs with my husband' 'well you need to go get him as I need to see him' baring in mind this was supposed to be a phone call.

She was also telling me incorrect safety information such as my son is fine to sleep in a car seat but not the swing (which she eyed up in our living room) which lays completely flat. And I had explained that the delivery midwives had said my labour was made so much worse by my severe pelvic girdle pain, which was met with 'nope not true at all'. So I go get my son, tell my husband while I'm upstairs that the midwife has turned up and seems a bit of a cow.

As soon as I go back down into the living room 'you need to watch those dogs with the baby' well my head just fell off. Told her I trust my dogs more than the stranger that's just waltzed in my house dictating to me and to get the fuck out.

All other midwife visits were hunky dory after that!

I really appreciate everyone's answers.

Fingers crossed they don't do home visits by the time it's my turn. I don't mind a phone call, but just feels so intrusive having them in your home. Especially if you have had bad experiences previously.

I don't think anyone appreciates being told that the way they're caring for their child is wrong.

I also remember being questioned why I wasn't breastfeeding (and then told that breast would be better). Why we were using wipes instead of cotton to clean baby after nappy changes. Lastly was properly told off for using the tommee tippee formula machine (there was never any mould in ours as was cleaned properly).

I just find it sad that so many people have bad experiences. Including my own circle of friends.

Saw some lovely health visitors at the weigh in clinics. Shame they weren't the ones doing home visits.

Just say no to seeing the HV. It will probably be a good decision in the long run. You can weigh yourself holding your baby and then just yourself to work out the weight.

I gave birth 4w ago and saw HV in person 3 times at home so far due to poor weight gain. She is lovely though and very helpful. Hopefully your next HV if you choose to have one will be nice. The dummy comments are horrid. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have declined the health visitor - with my first we had loads of trouble breastfeeding (to the point I put baby in hospital) at the 6 week visit he was bottle fed formula abs expressed milk - I asked for some help with understanding formula and bottle prep and she said “sorry I can’t support artificial feeding” - to a new mother with ptsd and severe PNA who’d made her baby seriously ill through breastfeeding 😳 and the HV knew how desperate I was to exclusively breastfeed.

Based on that alone they aren’t welcome in my house (we also had comments about the cats and if we were going to “get rid of them”!!!)

I had a visit from the health visitor today, baby is 2 weeks old. Due to Corona it's the only visit I will have and the next form of communication will be a phone call in a few weeks.

The HV was so lovely and understanding and couldn't stop cooing over DS. She didn't judge me nor damn me to hell even when I told her I am mix feeding my baby, I've already given him a dummy and that we are co-sleeping She did go over some risks about co-sleeping but respected the fact its my third child and I know what I'm doing.

I'd spoken to her on the phone during my pregnancy so had an idea of what she is like and what to expect. Is that something you could do, to help you decide whether you would like a visit or not? It's difficult because new mothers aren't receiving the same care due to Covid, a lot of GP surgeries aren't interested with minor issues. I had some concerns about a stitch like pain in my abdomen, possible oral thrush in DC, and she checked him and did his weight etc. It gave me peace of mind that he's doing really well.