Did having your baby change your relationship?

[Lily189]

We had our beautiful baby boy a month ago and being parents is amazing

But i was just wondering did anyone else feel there parent isnt interested in them in the same way anymore
My partner knows I stopped bleeding 2 weeks ago and hasnt even asked to do anything
Our baby hates sleeping at night so we take it in turns doing nights and we end up bot sleeping in bed at the same time
How did you all get round this and still have time to act like a couple

I dont want us to drift and keep not being intimate theres only so long it can go before he surely would look else where I'm just worried having a baby has changed the way he sees me maybe hes nor attracted to me anymore

I just want to feel close to him again
Our baby is staying with his grandma tomorrow and I'm going to hopefully try to be intimate
But I'm scared hell say no and I'll feel worse
I love him so much and hes been great in every other way i just want us feel like a couple again

Has anyone went threw this what did you do

theres only so long it can go before he surely would look else where I'm just worried having a baby has changed the way he sees me maybe hes nor attracted to me anymore

OP, you're only a month on from giving birth. If you're already starting to worry that your partner will be looking elsewhere, there's something wrong with the foundations of your relationship and/or some indication in his past behaviour that makes you think he would do this?

If this isn't the case, then I really wouldn't worry. Have you even tried talking to him about it?

You are pushing way too hard and expecting way too much. Your baby is only a month old. I can't even grasp why you're having a night away from him so soon to be honest. He's just a tiny infant and it's normal to need time to adjust. That applies to you as well as your partner. You are being really unreasonable.

What the previous two posters said. You are only a month post partum, give yourself time to heal properly, there's lots of time to reestablish intimacy. It's a good idea to try being intimate before your six week check to make sure there's no issues, that's what we did, but there's no rush. It sounds to me like your partner is being respectful and not trying to rush you.

I also think it's much too soon to let someone else mind your baby overnight. Your baby needs to be with you at this stage. Give yourself time

If you want to have sex and you feel up to it, go for it, but do it because your want it, not because you're are worried your partner will go elsewhere.

We didn’t have sex for months after my kids.
A feeding bra and soggy breast pads aren’t very sexy ! Plus we were both knackered but happy.
Just talk to him and ask when he would like to start sex again rather than ambushing him as soon as the door is closed.

Gosh this couldn't have been further from my mind a month pp! I was still healing from the birth, getting to grips with a newborn, exhausted from sleep deprivation...I think, unless there are other issues, then you really need to relax. Your partner is probably trying to give you space and time to heal. Mostly it's advised to avoid sex for 6 weeks after birth, so if he's read this then that's probably what he's waiting for. If you love each other and are a good team usually, then your relationship will be absolutely fine. I'd say with both our dc we had a good few months of not being as intimate/being exhausted etc. and we are stronger than ever now we are through that stage.

We didn't have sex till a couple of months after our LO was born and now, 8 months on it's nowhere near as frequent as it used to be. I think it's also hard just to find time to spend together because your so busy with the baby. Perhaps just try going for some walks, watching tv etc, just spending time together.

Your partner probably has no idea you're interested in sex right now OP. He probably doesn't want to try it on and upset you or make you feel uncomfortable. You need to talk to him about this and go from there

Exactly what previous posters have said.
I understand, it's all a bit overwhelming and you miss the way things were before, having a baby completely changes the dynamics of a relationship, but in most cases your relationship is stronger because of this! I don't mean this horribly but you sound very insecure, 4 weeks is such a short amount of time, unless something has happened in the past for you to worry that your DP will stray, you need to relax and trust that once you get into a routine and settle into parent life, things will be just fine. I think 4 weeks is way to soon to have baby out on a sleepover, thats just my opinion sorry x

We didn’t have sex for ages after DS was born! I was breastfeeding and had what I suspect was PND, plus a second degree year that took ages to heal, so I was scared. But we did get back to normal eventually. DH never out any pressure on me at all, which is exactly as it should be. We bickered a lot more generally when DS was tiny because he was a non-sleeping nightmare and we were both utterly exhausted, but we came through it and once DS started sleeping, we stopped the bickering. Sleep deprivation is a bitch of a thing.

Talk to your DP about it, how you’re feeling and your fears.

You've only had the baby a month ago and are in the eye of the storm! You need to be patient.

The first ten months for us were really hard - there wasn't much time for intimacy / couple stuff - but we got through it. Ds is 2 years old now and life is great!

After our first baby we didnt have sex for months, it was nothing to do with attraction or him going off me we were both knackered first time parents, and he didnt stay out overnight until he was 2. I had ds2 5 months ago, and again we are knackered and getting back into the swing of babyhood again. If your relationship is strong you don't need sex to prove he is still interested.

We went through months of the exhaustion. Passing each other like zombies, sleeping on different shifts around the baby, and yes bickering caused by exhaustion too. My boobs were sore and bursting, my episiotomy took ages to heal. Sex was the last thing on my mind for ages. I don’t understand how anyone manages to end up with two kids under 1.... I’m like WHO is having sex three weeks post partum?! Good luck to them, but it’s not me!

It all passed with a bit of time and sleep. It’s perfectly normal to be all the place at the moment and hormones probably aren’t helping. I’m sure it’s not that your partner isn’t attracted to you any more, he’s probably just a bit overwhelmed, very tired and possibly just being respectful (which is better than pressuring a new postpartum mum for sex, which some men do).

Just take some time to reconnect with him tomorrow. If it leads to sex, that’s fine but I wouldn’t focus on that as the main thing reaffirming your relationship right now. Just have some down time, a cuddle and a good chat to start with and see how he’s feeling.

Completely with all the other posters. You are only a month in. It wasn’t even on my mind at a month PP and same with DP. We were so sleep deprived. Tbh I was told to wait at least 6 weeks due to c section but it was a good couple months after the 6 week mark. Talk to him as he could just be given you time to heal and thinking your not ready yet. Having a baby has changed our relationship massively but it’s a good thing. Yes we don’t have as much time as a couple but the time we do get is more special. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Congrats on the new baby btw x

I can sympathise with this so much. I had a section so slept on the sofa for the first 4 nights as it hurt too much getting out of bed, I also breastfed so my partner ended up having no disturbed sleep since I was in the lounge. I felt so disconnected from him, just the intimacy of sleeping next to him and feeling him warm next to me it started to really upset me. It's funny how much we don't realise when life changes in such a huge way.

After about a week I felt better and started sleeping in bed again. The thing is, your both the parents. Now my partner is back in work I've said I will do every night wake, but I sleep in our bed with him which works for us, you need to find something that works for you. Tell him how your feeling

I am still bleeding as I'm only 11 days pp but I cannot wait to have sex again. When I talk about it though my partner squirms! I know he's missing it too but our bodies have gone through something really incredible and I think maybe some men find it hard to get used to it, that's what I'm thinking about my partner anyway. I know that when I'm ready we will talk about it.

Try not to worry too much your baby is so young and it's a massive change. I've just kept complimenting my partner in cheeky ways to remind him I'm still who I was even though I'm a mum now too. And to remind him I still think about him even though we're busy with a newborn, and visa versa. I love my partner even more than before after seeing him with our baby, and it's hard because relationships do change because there's a new little person now. Don't get disheartened if he isn't up for it just yet maybe try just being close in other ways like cuddles on the sofa etc it all helps bring you closer together which in turn will help the intimacy come back.

Congratulations on your baby 🌟