How bad was your pain in labour?

[Reelaa]

Please don't read if you are worried about giving birth as this wasn't a good experience.

I suspect my severe pain was beyond the "normal" as it ended in forceps and apparently baby's head was in a difficult position, but it makes me wonder to what degree my pain was beyond what people experience. My contractions started at 9pm and were every 3 minutes within an hour, and already very painful. By 7am I was only 4cm and had been unable to sit down all night as every contraction I needed to stand as any other position was agony. I had an epidural as I was so tired by that point and knew there were hours ahead. By mid afternoon I had the most horrendous pain/pressure in my bum with every contraction, and the epidural did not help it. I was 10cm at 5pm and after an hour and a half of pushing I ended up screaming at everyone in the room to help me because I felt like my insides were going to explode out of me with the most severe pressure/sharp pain. When the midwife examined me I could tell the head was still far back as she could reach her fingers far inside and I was nowhere near crowning. I ended up screaming for help because I felt no one appreciated how bad it was and ended up with a spinal block and forceps delivery. I know childbirth is meant to be painful but I can't understand how bad it was even with an epidural (which did work to some extent whilst contracting earlier but not lower down in my bum). I'm not sure how I would ever prepare myself for another labour in the future if we have more children. Did anyone else have anything similar? I don't think it would have been physically possible for me to continue and give birth but I still feel a bit of a failure 😕

I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. Did you ask your mother what sort of birth experience/S she had? I have had two children. The first was born with a little use of gas and air And the second birth was completely drug free with a three hour labour. In your next pregnancy you need to talk to the team and make sure they know your history and are prepared to give you a Caesarian if necessary. I hope you are enjoying your baby.

You did give birth. You aren’t a bit of a failure. You went through something really difficult and painful to deliver your baby - that’s amazing. So please don’t be hard on yourself.

I too found labour very painful with an epidural so I worry how bad it would been without. However I now remember that as a fact - ie I remember telling my husband it was awful and I couldn’t carry on - but I don’t actually remember it as a feeling, the memory of WHY I said that has faded.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby 😁

Your labour sounds horrendous, even traumatic. You are not a failure at all, you have been so strong to get through that and you'll have to process the emotions/trauma in the months to come.

I had a very similar labour to yours and used to feel like a bit of a failure when other mums talked about how easy theirs had been or how labour isn't so bad at all what's the point of epidurals etc... Made me feel like my body was somehow incapable of doing something entirely natural.

But that was a stupid way of thinking. Would someone with say -diabetes- feel like a failure for not being to process insulin? Human birth is an extremely complicated process and how easy or hard it is has a lot to do with baby's position. Wrong position and in the past mother and baby could die. Unfortunately you were very unlucky this time, but there's every chance your next birth will be easier and quicker with no complications.

You could also ask for a c-section based on how traumatic your experience has been. Give yourself time to heal first. Hopefully by the time you have your second, you will feel better about the first birth.

Thanks guys, I know I didn't fail as I have a beautiful baby, and it was only 6 days ago so I'm still processing it. I think because I couldn't feel him coming out in the end it feels like despite all the pain and effort I didn't actually give birth vaginally in the end (although the stitches and soreness tell me otherwise)! It just niggles at me that I should have been able to go through the pain and give birth as I was so close to doing it myself. But I know I couldn't have put up with any more.

@mdh2020 my mum managed with gas and air so no similar experience, but my sister needed assisting with hers (but she was 16 at the time so understandable!).

I know I don't need to think about another labour for a long time but I don't want to just tell them I want a caesarian next time, but I couldn't possibly have another labour like this one again!

Honestly 6 days is nothing. You are still healing, your hormones are everywhere. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your lovely baby.

For what it’s worth I would absolutely “count” a forceps delivery as a vaginal birth. But I don’t think it’s helpful for us to focus on the birthing part as a success or failure or to aim for one mode of birth as so much of it is beyond our control anyway.

You might find that as you process your feelings and memories and feel further from it that your feelings about a second labour change. And a second one might be very different, even just because the baby is positioned differently. Or you might still find it scary but want another child, and then you could consider a c-section. You really don’t need to decide that now.

Congratulations on your baby OP. You’ll be able to discuss your birth fully with your midwife if/when you are pregnant again. Every birth is different, your next one could be a dream. And there is no right or wrong way to get a baby out!

You should be very proud of yourself if anything.

Let the emotions flow, be nice to yourself, and carry on talking to people about it when you need to.

And this verges on tough love so I am sorry, but I’d say that generally you need to not put so much pressure on yourself as a mother. You’re not always going to be textbook perfect and that’s OK, your little boy doesn’t need you to be. He just needs you to be the person you are.

6 days in give it some time everything is still so raw, you’ll not forget but you’ll hopefully look back at it differently. You are not a failure. It is the most physically painful thing for me anyway that any woman will endure. I felt like you did, every detail and the memory of the pain didn’t go away for a while. I think it shocked me at how painful it was. I wasn’t prepared for it and I expected to birth a certain way and when I didn’t I felt like I hadn’t done good enough, I was at home and my labour progressed so fast I didn’t get a breath at times. My baby was in a bad position to and crowned with her head sideways with her elbow up at her head and I really struggled to get her out and in the end caused some really bad tearing. But you gave birth to your beautiful baby and you are an absolute legend. You did amazing x

Be kind to yourself..

I had a similar ordeal and suffer from ptsd 18 months on. My DS was back to back and stuck. Three failed vontousse efforts and came out on third forceps attempt which was lucky as the next plan was a section and I'd already had an eptiosomy and had torn into my rectum.

I had a debrief with the consultant and midwife and I've had counselling since.

I love DS more then anything but the recovery is ongoing physically.

It's easier said then done but honestly you have just brought a beautiful baby into the world. Be kind to yourself and allow people to look after you. Rest when you can, treat yourself well and take it easy xx

I had a similar birth experience with my first - failure to progress, epidural that didn't work completely, baby in difficult position, forceps delivery. It was a horrific experience, I felt every second of the forceps delivery (no pain relief for me as the doctor didn't know my epidural hadn't worked properly and it suddenly became an emergency to get baby out). But I don't consider it a failure (I think I did for a while after), I'm just grateful baby and I both survived!

In some ways I do feel sad I never had a positive natural birth (had a planned c section with second).

My birth story sounds very very very similar to yours! 16 days ago and still trying to process it. It was my first and I honestly don't think I could put myself through it again.

When the midwife came out the day after I got home and read through my labour notes, she asked how I felt it all went, I told her I found it very traumatic, she brushed it off saying most first times are.

I'm hoping to get to speak to my GP and possibly counselling if it's available? But I feel like I'm being abit precious sometimes that I am making such a fuss about it?

I have to say the overall horrendous pain of the labour is definitely fading in my memory but the trauma of the whole thing is still most definitely there.

Be kind to yourself and you most definitely are not a failure ❤️

My pregnancy was amazing with no issues but labour and birth wasn't great and has definatly put me off having more children...I was in labour over 3 days and was back and forth to the hospital in agony...for all this time I was unable to sit down...lie down or get comfy in the bath...all I did for 3 days was walk around the house...I couldn't eat...drink...sleep or go to the toilet...on a visit to the hospital we were told the baby was back to back so all the pain was in my back and bum...I can't explain the feeling...when I was finally admitted due to my waters breaking I was examined to which my bladder was full of dark brown wee so jugs was drained from me...I went in the birthing pool for hours and had to even as for gas and air...I was offered no other pain relief even thou my birth notes I was open to anything...in the end due to prolonged labour I had to have forceps and an episiotomy and had several infections down there for weeks after which resulted in 3 courses of antibiotics...definatly speak to the hospital about ur experience cuz I really wish I had...I honestly felt neglected and have never forgot what happend and to this day by bum isn't right 🤣xx

OP I had a very similar birth to you. Luckily 2 years on my memory of it is very patchy. I'm due in about 4 weeks with DD2 and had a consultation with an anesthsetist about firstly why it took over 10 attempts at getting my epidural into my spine (turns out I have small gaps between my vertebrae), but mainly about why the epidural wore off in one spot just before I started pushing.

He told me that when an epidural wears off in one area it's due to the baby's head being in the wrong position and often pushing against the nerves. He also said that it is an indication that bc the head is in the wrong position to give birth it will often result in baby needing help to get out.

This was spot on for me. DD1 was in the compound position with her hand up by her head (and looking to the side) and required 2 failed forceps and 1 failed ventouse and 1 final successful attempt using different ventouse.

Your memories are still very fresh. It's amazing how much your memory well fade and how quickly it will happen. If you feel you need extra support with this please speak with your HV or GP

Thanks again everyone, it's reassuring to read about similar experiences, it must be so much more common than we hear about. The midwife mentioned the birth debrief they offer as I also told her about my partner feeling helpless and unsure of what was happening so that sounds like a good idea for both of us!

OP, I had very similar bum pain/pressure in my first labour. The pressure was actually worse than the pain of the contractions. At its worst I'd have rated it a 9. I was lucky that an epidural did take away all the sensations, but the memory of it would make me shudder for a year or more afterwards. It's impossible to describe to other people but it's the most horrendous feeling!

My second labour was much, much quicker and I'd rate the worst pain at maybe a 5. I was in the water the whole time and that made the whole thing far easier to cope with. I did get the same pressure but only for about 2 contractions and then I started to push and baby was there 15 min later. Don't assume you will experience the same thing again!