Pethidine

[Tillytiller]

So, I need some advice/feedback..
I finally have been able to process my daughter’s birth in September 2018.
I was induced at 6.30pm with continued and progressing contractions throughout the night, I was very uncomfortable at 3am where I had codeine and paracetamol.
I lost it around 4.30pm and lost control, I constantly needed the toilet. I was only on the ward and so uncomfortable I couldn’t get myself around to move and progress with labour.
This was the first time I had experienced a natural birth so felt very neglected through the night and unsupported by the on call team.
I kept measuring at 2cm however her head was extremely low.
My birth plan specifically stated “NO PETHIDINE” at 5am, the nurse gave me pain relief as an injection.
After I gave birth we (me and my partner) found out this was a pethidine injection.

I started really pushing at 6.30am and by 7.10 I was being rushed to delivery as I was 10cm and starting to crown.
My daughter was delivered at 7.50 when I couldn’t take anymore and my body took over.
My whole labour was ruined by this drug, my body was ruined by this drug, my experience was ruined by this drug, I have minimal memory and it’s taken me years to come to terms with it and having to go through additional treatments to repair the damage.

My questions are..
what do I do?
Has anyone else had this?

You can go to PALS and or request a debrief. It's been some time though. Counselling may be the way forward for you to resolve it.

I had a horrendous delivery didn't process it due to PND. Counselling really helped.

Can I ask what about having the pethidine ruined it for you? This is a genuine question not supposed to come across confrontational, not sure how else to word it.

Of course, I literally lost all control.
I wasn’t present if that makes sense, it was a completely out of body and control feeling.
My contractions were surging and I had no feeling in my actual body to be able to do anything at all.
I was abusive towards staff, and that is not me.

I wanted it to be a controlled, calm environment where I made decisions on how to position myself and listen.

I couldn’t listen to the midwives and I could physical hold my own head up.
It was absolutely awful.
I tore really bad as I could hold my contractions, i couldn’t push with my contractions as I wasn’t waking early enough to work with my body.

I wanted a water birth or at least a birth I remembered...

couldn’t

I can't really advise but just want to say pethidine gave me the exact same reaction, I was completely out of it, no control didn't have a clue when to push or if I was pushing and the lack of control resulted in episiotomy and ventouse.

I had pethidine with DC1 and it had a similar effect in that I can't remember much. Also crossed the placenta and DS came out very sleepy and they had to push the panic button.

He's 4 now and DH and I were talking about it with recently. The bit immediately after he was born was terrifying for DH with the room filling up with people all working on DS and me crashing in and out of lucidity. I'm kind of relieved I don't remember much of it, DH still isn't entirely ok recalling it.

The pethidine was right for me. I'd been induced around 9pm and been in agony by 11. Needed the pethidine to allow me to get a few hours of sleep between about 5 and 7.30am.

Was this your first labour & delivery? Are you likely to have any more children?

I had pethidine and regret it. The anaesthetist was busy with an emergency so couldn't come to do an epidural. I was so spaced out and I don't think it actually did anything for the pain.

I don't remember chunks of my labour. Like being black out drunk.